“Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.” Moses 6:34

Each day I’m more aware of how much I need the help of my Savior moment by moment. At this stage in my life, I don’t have the emotional or physical energy I had when I was younger. As a single woman, I also don’t have a partner with whom to discuss, brainstorm, and share the load. Challenges that used to seem like a few steep steps, now often feel like mountains to climb. I’m amazed at the speed with which life, circumstances, and emotions change. We’re fragile. Life is fragile. Thankfully, the Lord is aware of this and provides all we need to navigate life’s twists and turns, which perfectly, though sometimes painfully, do their job of teaching us and helping us grow.

“The humility you and I need for the Lord to lead us by the hand comes from faith. It comes from faith that God really lives, that He loves us, and that what He wants—hard as it may be—will always be best for us.” Henry B. Eyring

Before my sweet dad was called back to Heaven, he was a constant, dependable source of strength and help to me. I didn’t have to think about it much, I was totally secure in the knowledge that he’d be there for me if I needed him.  He wouldn’t be put-out or disapproving; he’d be happy to help, encouraging, and loving. He made me feel like my asking him for help was just what he was hoping for. I miss him so much.  Knowing this about my dad taught me it’s possible to have the same relationship with my Heavenly Father. He’ll always be there for me, always listen, and always provide a way for me to get through the next thing. He sent His Son, who knows my every need, sorrow, struggle, and hope. I don’t have to carry it all alone—He walks with me.

For years, I’ve had the desire to move.  Since my divorce and many of my children having grown and left the nest, I’ve wanted a smaller, more manageable home and a fresh start. About once a year, I’d get a feeling of restlessness and look at houses in Utah, where I loved living for a few years. After searching and dreaming, I’d always end up feeling it wasn’t the right time.  I’d hear the whisper, “Wait. Be patient.” I’d put away my floor plans and dreams, and trust in the Lord’s timing, then go through all our belongings (with considerable family resistance), paring down for when the time was right.

“Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us.” Jeffrey R. Holland

Viewing floor plans has been a fun hobby for me. I’ve always dreamed of a one-story house. When we had 7 children and were moving to Utah, I told the kids I wanted a one-story house. My son laughed and said, “Mom, we’d need a mall!”  Ironically, the house in Utah had three levels, but the kids each had their own room and a basement to secretly practice pole vaulting, construct Dinotopia virtual flying rides, and record music videos.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

This year, when I got that familiar urge to look at houses and plan for a move, I looked in this area. I have family here, whom I need more and more as I get older, and who need me, as well. I also wanted to be near a big airport to make it easy for my kids to visit, and near the temple, which is vital to me. I didn’t want to be close to downtown, though; I wanted to be outside the city a bit.  That one-story is especially important now, too, as my mom gets older and needs more care.

With all these criteria in mind, I prayed for help and guidance, and once again began my search. I systematically viewed floor plans, but this time I could also go see model homes and explore areas—very daring for me! Finding a single-story home with enough bedrooms and bathrooms for the family I have right now, a small yard to care for, and within my budget, was still challenging. As I explored different areas, I had distinct feelings.  In one area, I was immediately positive it wasn’t for me, while in other areas, I felt good and hopeful.  When I found a model home that felt nearly perfect for our circumstances, I came home to start looking at other areas around here which had the same model, but felt the impression to stop looking.  It was a feeling that I didn’t need to look further.

I was excited and panicked at the same time.  After all the waiting, could this really be the right time, the right house, the right circumstances to go ahead? Though I wanted it, I was fearful. It was such a huge decision to make on my own, but I knew it ultimately was my decision to make, and I wanted to be absolutely sure the Lord approved.  I knew I could be brave enough to go forward with all the details, drama, and effort this would require of me, if only I knew the Lord would walk with me.  I pretty much asked for a miracle, set aside all fear, and put my trust and confidence in God. He moved my mountains. He provided the miracles. My home is sold, and we’re renting here until the new house is built, in several months.

I’ve been humbled by the love and care I’ve felt from Above. I’ve experienced pure joy knowing Heavenly Father heard my prayers, had a plan for me, and guided me. When the anxiety and fear creep in, I remember the miracles and hold to the trust. I can do this—because I know my Savior walks with me.

“Thou wilt show me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Psalm 16:11

Jesus Christ is the light, the life, and the hope of the world.

“Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.” Ether 12:4

Everyone knows that no matter how warm and fuzzy thoughts of the holidays may be, they are also commonly a source of intense stress and grief for many. After the loss of a loved one, or family or health situation, holidays may appear like a mountain too high to climb. Broken hearts might find comfort in sharing the special moments, or they might feel their pain magnified by what’s missing. Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings might be fun and loving, bringing joy and comfort, or they could be discordant and unpleasant.  When grown children get together, they sometimes forget they’re grown.  Their independent, mature, charming, polite public demeaner fades into reflexive reactions to family members with whom they’ve grown up, and old triggers, and immature feelings and actions, surprise even themselves. Dads are often stressed by the financial and emotional burdens of gatherings and gifts or hiding from the crazy woman who took over his wife’s body. Then there’s Mom…we all know what happens to poor Mom. Trying to be the perfect peacemaker, charitable giver, teacher of gratitude and the true meaning of Christmas, caterer, cleaning crew, bargain hunter and shopping expert, elf, and Santa himself, Mom completely forgets to take care of herself and ends up physically and emotionally decimated. Every year I tried to avoid being that mother, and every year I failed. I don’t think I ever learned the secret to turning off the voices in my head that chanted, make everyone happy, make it spiritual and fun, make it perfect.

“If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

“Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

At Christmastime, as I earnestly tried to make learning about Jesus, and serving others, our main focus, we’ve enjoyed some special moments as a family. One year, on Christmas morning we took our big family to a care center and had the sweet experience of passing out gifts to the delighted residents. We’ve purchased baby items and sewn receiving blankets (each child sewed his own), to make dozens of newborn gift bags to donate to the children’s hospital. We’ve made “hobo bags” (as my children called them) and kept them in the car to hand out to homeless people as we drove around town. We’ve performed music for neighbors in our home or for the homebound, participated in “secret pixies” with ward members, and invited neighbors to church to hear the Christmas program. One year we even moved the gift-giving part of Christmas to August and had a big summer bash. It was a wonderful event, with sand-bucket stockings, a BBQ swim party, and a trip to the beach, but the kids felt something was missing when Christmas came around without the gift-giving. Last year, with my youngest daughter, I gave a little Christmas advent gift each day with a service challenge attached.

“And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26

As I’ve grown older, my children have grown up, and I’ve suffered loss as my family situation has changed dramatically several times, I’ve struggled to find the sweetness and joy which can be found in holidays. I often feel unequal to the emotional and physical demands of creating holiday magic for loved ones, especially as a single mom. This has made my heart ache.

“May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.

“…God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Acknowledging and accepting my limitations is an ongoing, usually painful, learning process for me. This year, for the first time, I told my family that although I would be having Christmas Eve dinner here, I wasn’t hosting the Thanksgiving gathering. As I battled with myself over this for many months, I have been, alternately, both anguished and relieved. Though I occasionally still hear those impossible voices in my head saying, “make everyone happy,” as I talked it out with family and friends, one of them said a phrase that really helped me. She said, “For the time being…you’re not able to do what you’ve been used to.” Those words, “for the time being,” helped me come to terms with the situation right now, realizing that it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s forever.  Circumstances may change. There is always hope, because of the Savior, whose birth we are celebrating on Christmas. For the time being, I can’t do some of the things I wish I could, and I’m still okay and so is my family.  I’m still a loving mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Taking care of myself this way is new and frightening, but it’s also enlightening. I feel more surely that God loves me. I know I matter to Him. I know He wants me to take care of myself, along with those I love, as I strive to be His disciple and focus on what matters most.

“…Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89.  Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost.” For the Strength of Youth

When my dad died, over 5 years ago, my mom, whose health has ups and downs, came to live with our family.  My husband was kind and helpful to Mom, and we were thankful to be able to make a home for her.  She’s a clever and witty person, and enjoys the visits of grandkids and great grands, who love seeing “GG” and exploring the little trinkets and treats in her room. After my husband left, I keenly felt the responsibility of taking care of Mom and my teenage daughter, along with everything in our household, by myself. Knowing I needed to be strong and healthy in order to carry it, I determined I would do all I could to take care of my body and health so that I could be there for the people I love.

I’ve struggled with unhealthy eating habits, like emotional eating and bingeing, for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I turned to food for comfort and fun, which has continued throughout my life. I constantly work on changing those habits and have enjoyed periods of success and control over that weakness, but during times of difficulty or exhaustion, it’s almost impossible to find the time and physical or emotional energy to work on that aspect of my life. Feeding ourselves well takes time—time to plan, shop, and prepare healthy food.  Energy, too, makes it tough. We live in a go, go, go world, which takes its toll on the energy we have left to do the little stuff, like feed ourselves! The irony here is, of course, that fuel equals energy, and we often put poor gas in the tank, and wonder why we barely sputter along.

“The condition of the physical body can affect the spirit. That’s why the Lord gave us the Word of Wisdom. He also said that we should retire to our beds early and arise early, that we should not run faster than we have strength, and that we should use moderation in all good things. In general, the more food we eat in its natural state and the less it is refined, without additives, the healthier it will be for us. Food can affect the mind, and deficiencies in certain elements in the body can promote mental depression…Rest and physical exercise are essential, and a walk in the fresh air can refresh the spirit.” Ezra Taft Benson

The Word of Wisdom, a health law, revealed to a prophet in the latter-days, tells us the best foods, for the bodies God created for us, are plant foods, especially vegetables, fruits, and grains. Science and public opinion are constantly changing in regard to which foods are good for us, but everyone can agree that fresh vegetables and fruits, in their season, are the very best options. Over the years, I’ve gotten better and better at preparing and enjoying a variety of veggies. There’s a plethora of great blogs and recipes accessible now—complete with ratings (I loathe spending time and effort to make a recipe that’s a flop). Eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats has healed my stomach issues and helped me keep my weight at a healthy place. When I venture out of that zone, as my human nature always tempts me to do, I immediately feel and see the negative results. My health journey hasn’t been a steady pattern of success; it’s been more like two steps forward and one step back, with an occasional leap off a cliff and slow climb back to the top. Though at times, I sit down in the middle of the road to have a good cry, I never give up. Each year I learn and do a bit better than the year before, overall.  I forgive myself for the backward steps and keep going. I can honestly say, after 40 years of working on this, my weakness in this area has gradually begun to be a strength for me.

I’ve been fairly consistent with exercise throughout my life, even with pregnancies and weight struggles. I enjoy exercising and need the mental health benefits it provides. I feel a sense of strength and accomplishment when I take the time, even if it’s only for half an hour on busy days, to move my body and breathe deeply. Years ago, I spent many mornings working out with little children joining me, and those memories are funny and sweet. When we first started homeschooling, I had jump ropes, STEPs, and weights, and the kids and I did little interval training circuits.  The first floor of our large house had an open layout where we could jog, hop, and skip all around the family room, living room, and through the kitchen in a giant circle.  We’ve had treadmills, stationary bikes, and ellipticals throughout the years, and now I enjoy a simplified, old-lady yoga in addition to low-impact workouts and strength training.

Me and my baby in 2004 and 2018.  

When I decided any effort was worth improving my health and strength, for my family and for myself, I learned to heal my body with simple, healthy food, moderate exercise, sunshine, proper rest and sleep patterns, and choosing a simpler lifestyle to alleviate stress. Elder L. Tom Perry taught, “In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives.” I’ve been blessed by making these changes, which make me better able to hold up under the unexpected fluctuations and challenges that are a part of life and to serve those around me. I hear and feel the still, small Voice more clearly in a healthy body with fewer chemicals, cravings, and confusion jamming my reception. Though I’m far from perfect at it, taking care of my body, making it a priority, and treating it like the sacred temple it is, have strengthened my testimony and reverence for the gift of life and the resurrection, both made possible through our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ.

 “Spiritual communication can be enhanced by good health practices. Exercise, reasonable amounts of sleep, and good eating habits increase our capacity to receive and understand revelation. We will live for our appointed life span. However, we can improve both the quality of our service and our well-being by making careful, appropriate choices.” Richard G. Scott

“Brothers and sisters, all the Lord expects of us is to try, but you have to really try!” Gordon B. Hinckley

So many things have changed and are changing in my life.  The last five years have been brimming over with changes. There have been a lot of goodbyes.  I’ve said goodbye to my sweet father, goodbye to my 30-year marriage, and goodbye to my 40’s. I’ve said more temporary goodbyes to dear friends, children moving away, and grands I wish I could see more often. I’ve had to say goodbye to doing many of the things I did when I was younger and had support in a partnership. I’m learning to live differently, to let some things go.  It’s difficult not to feel “less than” when I’m not able to do things the way I used to, or the way I feel is the “right” way.  Learning to acknowledge my limitations without judgement and regret is an ongoing process.  I’m trying to say goodbye to unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, while still striving to be all the Lord expects of me.

“Some of you may say, ‘I’m just average. There’s nothing special about me or my life.’ And yet what is manifested plainly to me is that you are extraordinary, you whose average day is lived in accordance with our Heavenly Father’s laws. 

“No greater heroine lives in today’s world than the woman who is quietly doing her part.” Elaine Jack

A couple of weeks ago I got a homework assignment, from my therapist, to write a job description of motherhood.  More specifically, a list of my requirements and expectations of myself for being a “good” mom.  This was hard, mostly because like everything, I wanted my list to be perfect.  I listed items that I believe are required of me by God, like teaching my children about their Savior, Jesus Christ, and other items that are more my own desires, such as making special days, like holidays and birthdays, happy ones for my children.  I divided my list into three sections: small children, tweens/teens, and adult children.  It was a long, challenging list. 

We have these unwritten lists for many of our job descriptions. The longest one of all seems to be in the description of the perfect disciple of Christ. In fact, all our other lists are included in this one. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Lord gives us His ideal—to become perfect, even as He is. He doesn’t have a checklist—He lived the perfect life to show us the way. The problem arises when we expect to do it right now.  It’s not possible.  We won’t be perfect, or complete, in this life, and we aren’t expected to make ourselves perfect; that gift is bestowed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. When we’ve done our best, and still feel inadequate, we can ask the Lord if it’s enough. He will lovingly let us know that He accepts our honest efforts and loves us right where we are.

Can we believe it’s possible to be good enough right now? Will we believe if we give our whole hearts, despite our imperfections, one day we’ll hear the words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant?”

“Let me be direct and clear. The answers to the questions ‘Am I good enough?’ and ‘Will I make it?’ are ‘Yes! You are going to be good enough’ and ‘Yes, you are going to make it as long as you keep repenting and do not rationalize or rebel.’ The God of heaven is not a heartless referee looking for any excuse to throw us out of the game. He is our perfectly loving Father, who yearns more than anything else to have all of His children come back home and live with Him as families forever. He truly gave His Only Begotten Son that we might not perish but have everlasting life! Please believe, and please take hope and comfort from, this eternal truth. Our Heavenly Father intends for us to make it! That is His work and His glory.” J. Devn Cornish

The one thing I know for certain is that my Heavenly Father loves me. He loves me even when I feel unworthy of love. He’s encouraging when I become discouraged trying to be good enough to save myself. He’s patient with me when I make the same mistakes over and over. He doesn’t give up on me when I feel I’m a lost cause. Always He’s there, sending me reminders that I’m not alone, I’m still okay, things will get better, and He knows, and will provide, everything I need. He sent His Son, His unblemished Son, to walk with me in perfect empathy, and gave me the Gift of the Holy Ghost, to comfort and protect me. They all love me and help me get through the tough times. That’s more than enough.

P.S. Sometimes it’s hard to see the “good” in goodbyes, because they are often sad.  Interestingly, the origin of the word “goodbye” comes from the expression “God be with ye.” It was shortened to “Godbwye,” then eventually morphed into “goodbye.” I loved discovering this.  So often things that seem negative are blessings in disguise. God is with us, and uses everything, even sad partings, for our good.

“Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God.

“…We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.” President Russell M. Nelson

This week, I began a new adventure working in the temple. Since I first went to the temple to be sealed, I’ve loved serving in the temple, and wanted to be an ordinance worker when I grew up.  The days leading up to my first day, things were rough for me and I could feel the opposition. I recognized it easily and simply pressed on, thinking, “Good, that means I’m on the right path.” As soon as I walked through the temple doors, I felt the weight of my cares lifted, and a feeling of gratitude, for this opportunity, overwhelmed me. The longer I was in the temple, the more I realized the amazing blessing of having one day a week in The House of Lord, focusing on what matters most. When I was introduced as the new kid, I was asked, unexpectedly, to tell about myself.  They already knew I was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My mind went completely blank; I had no idea what to say.  I sheepishly admitted that, and then honestly stated that I was just very happy to be in the temple with them that day, after which I rallied enough to share that I was the mother of seven and my youngest was 15 now, which allowed me more time to serve in the temple.  But I felt uncomfortable about that initial blank in my head as I thought about who I am now.

Of course, first and foremost, I’m a mom. That’s been the case for more than 30 years.  I identify with that part of myself easily and most often.  I’m also a gran (so fun!), a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I’m trying to come to terms with the idea that I have a purpose in life in addition to these familiar roles, and now that I’m no longer a wife. I’m trying to learn who Heavenly Father wants me to become in this stage of my life. Like a child, I’m trying out different avenues, talents, possibilities, and like a child, sometimes I’m excited, and other times I’m resistant and scared.

“Single adult sisters throughout the Church, I want you to know of my deep love and appreciation for you—for your goodness, for your faithfulness, for your desire to serve the Lord with all your heart…

“Always be improving yourself. Set personal achievement goals and stretch to accomplish them. Improve yourself physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually…Keep growing and learning and progressing and serving others.” President Ezra Taft Benson

I didn’t think I would journey through this stage of life as a single woman.  I may dance alone at my daughter’s wedding, but I’m still dancing. I’m determined to follow the straight course, even though occasionally I just sit down in the middle of the road and cry awhile. I always get back up. I’m truly thankful for so many strong and faithful women, both married and single, who are shining examples to me. Day by day, I’m finding my way, holding to the iron rod and trusting my testimony. As I search for direction amid the choices in my life now, and through change and uncertainty, my Anchor remains the same; I love and need my Savior every minute. Opportunities that draw me closer to Him are the only ones I’m interested in.

Several years after my husband chose to leave the church and his beliefs began to change, we had a painful discussion about the possibilities for us. He wanted me to be open to new beliefs, new ideas, new behaviors, outside the parameters of the church. Finally, I told him that I am one hundred percent dedicated to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and always will be.  I will keep my covenants. It’s not only what I believe, but who I am, and nothing will ever change that for me.

“It is common for us to pray for physical safety. However, I have come to pray even more fervently for the strength to live true to my covenants. This provides spiritual protection. Whether we live a long or short life upon this earth is of little consequence in the eternities. What really matters is how we live. Living the life of a covenant keeper is of highest value because keeping our covenants is the only way we can fulfill our eternal purpose.” Elder Donald L. Hallstrom

When I was 9 years old, a primary teacher began taking me to primary during the week. I loved it-especially the singing. My dad was a member of the church but hadn’t been involved in it since he was a boy, so church hadn’t been a part of our lives.  Soon the stake missionaries began teaching our family about the gospel.  During one discussion, one of the missionaries asked, “Who baptized Jesus?” Oh, I knew this! I had learned the Baptism song in primary and enthusiastically said, “Immersion!”  Well, the song says, “…and was baptized by immersion…”

After having the lessons, some time and repentance, and loving fellowship, my dad was able to baptize my mom, my older sister, and I. A year later our family was joyfully sealed in the Los Angeles temple. The change in our home was miraculous and beautiful.  We were closer and happier, and I loved everything I learned about my Savior and His church, restored in the Latter-Days by the prophet, Joseph Smith.  I’m eternally thankful for those stake missionaries, and I’ll never forget that amazing primary teacher who cared enough to pick me up in her blue VW bug every week.  Sadly, she died very young of cancer. Because of my experiences, and knowing what life with the gospel, and without it, looked like, I could never reject that precious gift or the loving Redeemer who makes it possible for me to be with my earthly family and my Heavenly family forever.

Although I have faith and hold to the truths I know, life mostly feels scary to me still and I am often overwhelmed.  A counselor asked me to tell her what I know for sure.  I replied, “I know that I am a daughter of God.” This knowledge has been reinforced over and over as I’ve felt the Holy Ghost witness to me that it’s true. We then discussed what else that means if I know that is true.

If I am a daughter of God, then…

I am loved;

Perfectly loved and cherished.

I am important;

I matter.

I am enough;

I don’t have to be perfect yet.

I am safe;  

He watches over me, stays with me.

This is who I am. This is what I know. Even with all my failings and quirks, I can explore the possibilities for my life now and in the future, with the guidance of the Spirit, and know that I am OK. I will always be safe because of the love of my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

“Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:35, 38-39

“All of us will be tested. And all of us need true friends to love us, to listen to us, to show us the way, and to testify of truth to us so that we may retain the companionship of the Holy Ghost. You must be such a true friend.” Henry B Eyring

This week I’ve been thinking about the wonderful blessing of friends. Some of my truest friends are family members, who love me even though they know me too well.  My mom, dad, and sisters have been there for me during the storms as well as times of smooth sailing. Who, but a sister, can share the laughter of old inside jokes and memories of foolish youth, and grieve with you and comfort you at the bedside of a dying parent? My children are also are wonderful friends to me.  They listen and give great advice, accepting me as I am. My daughter once reminded me, when I confided my worry about sharing burdens with her and adding to her own heavy load, that we’ve covenanted to bear one another’s burdens. That’s what friends do.

Besides my family, my ward family has also been a cherished source of friendship. When we first moved to Vegas and to this ward, over 20 years ago, we had five small children. The bishop and his sweet wife invited the whole family over to dinner. I’ll never forget that gracious show of love for a big, crazy family, making us feel “no more strangers,” but friends. Since then, many friends have quietly, steadily, served and supported me and my family, strengthening our faith. There have been families our children grew up with, bishops who served with all their hearts, choir directors who welcomed, youth leaders who reached out in love, and sisters who brought tiny pink baby clothes and dinner for weeks when I had trouble recovering after my last baby was born. One brought root beer and pizza—I could eat that every night and die happy—and the root beer exploded all over when we opened it. Good times.

Some of my most treasured friendships developed from home and visiting teaching visits, both as I have served and as I’ve been served. Many years ago I had a dear, older lady to watch over through visiting teaching. After many tries, she finally let me in to visit. As I visited her, often bringing one of my children with me, she became a treasured friend to me and my family. She had a little case of yellow cars she pulled out if one of the boys came. She brought us treats and fruit baskets on holidays, and souvenirs when she traveled. After many years of friendship, I was blessed to help her when she was ill, before she moved to live with her daughter. I’ve learned so much from this cheerful, wonderful friend.

 I’ve been the recipient of loving ministering too many times to list.  When I was expecting my seventh child, I hadn’t had a baby for 5 years and I was 38 years old.  I had six children between the ages of 16 and five, plus my teenage niece lived with us.  Our loving home teachers, a husband and wife, were incredibly dedicated to our family. The last few months of my pregnancy, this amazing couple made dinner for our family every single week!  That’s a family of nine, if you were counting. Along with the blessing of those meals, was the knowledge we absolutely could trust and count on them.

Another home/visiting teaching couple have been true blue family friends forever. They are friends to me, my kids, my mom and dad, the whole family.  They always have love to give, time to share, and words of comfort and encouragement. They are valiant disciples of Christ, openly sharing their testimonies and knowledge of the gospel with us. They’re here when we need a blessing, a ride from the airport at some horrible hour, or a shoulder to cry on. I don’t know what we’d do without them.

As a young mom, I was often pushed to my limit.  It was all I could do to take care of my family and my church callings.  I didn’t feel I had time left over to spend with friends—until I became friends with one of my visiting teachers. Bless her heart, she wouldn’t let me get out of doing things with her. We played games, organized storerooms, played volleyball, and went to the temple. The only time I made it to BYU Women’s Conference was when she was going and took me with her. Best of all, she listened. We talked and talked about all the hard mom stuff. She built me up and also had the courage to call me out when my idealistic expectations were unreasonable. She knew my issues and loved me anyway. Although she moved away, she still attended my Dad’s funeral and kids’ wedding receptions. Priceless support.

“How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: ‘A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.’ Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me.” Marvin J. Ashton

Here’s just a sampling of things friends have done for me:

Helped get our house ready to move in when things went wrong at the last minute.

Invited our big family for a water fight and fireworks on Independence Day.

Brought flowers for special days, including an anonymous one on a random Sunday with a note that said, “I felt like you needed to know you’re loved today.” (I did!)

Taught my children piano and played duets with them.

Took us for a sunny ride by the lake in a golf cart, which turned into a laughter-filled walk back in the rain (after a flat tire).

Shared love through oranges, garden-grown tomatoes, and Sonic shakes.  

Invited us to a “We’re thankful for the Barkers” feast at their dinner table.

Brightened my days by going to lunch or frozen yogurt, on walks, and to the temple.

During my divorce, the Lord lovingly provided a new bestie, one I needed desperately. We shared all the confusion, fear, anger, and grief only someone who has experienced it can understand. It felt like a miracle to me. On one occasion, she stayed at my home in Vegas to attend Time Out for Women with me.  We had a great time. While she was here, I had a family emergency at four o’clock in the morning and woke her up to tell her. She stayed, took my daughter to church, and even taught my Sunday School class so I could leave right away. I’m still overwhelmed with the love I felt from her sweet service to me.

All through this time, my friends have been a lifeline to me.  One friend, constant and true for many years, who shares holidays with us and is an honorary member of our family, sent me uplifting memes and beautiful messages several times a day, for months, when it was especially tough. Another dear friend and I enjoy Jane Austen movie nights, long walks and longer talks about our deepest hopes, fears, and testimonies. Many friends offer prayers for me and hugs in the church hallway. Often without knowing, they offer love and encouragement, strengthening my testimony in Christ.

Last summer a few friends and I got together for a couple of days. We saw funny plays, ate healthy food, and laughed. For hours and hours, we shared the tender and deep feelings of our hearts, how the Savior carries us. When I returned home, I felt like a fifty-pound boulder had been lifted from my shoulders and I had ten times the strength to carry on.  It lasted for months!

In the last year, a cherished friend has been lovingly reaching out to me, offering her gifts of compassion and wisdom.  Even though her own life is one of the most challenging I’ve seen, she’s called me nearly every week for a year, to let me share my troubles, my fears, my failures, my successes, my testimony, my life. And she shares hers.

“Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke about what it means to be a friend and the powerful influence of friends in our lives. His definition has had lasting impact in my life. He said, ‘Friends are people who make it easier to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.’ In this sense, seeking another person’s highest good is the essence of true friendship. It is putting someone else first. It is being strictly honest, loyal, and chaste in every action. True friends influence those with whom they associate to ‘rise a little higher [and] be a little better.’” Elaine Dalton

It has been humbling and joyful to remember, with tears and smiles, wonderful friends who’ve influenced and lifted me. I wish I had a picture with each of my friends.  

Most of all, I’m thankful for the truest and dearest friend, our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

“Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

“Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” John 15:12–15