I’ve been known to send my Christmas letter in Spring or Summer, so I suppose it’s fine to share my thoughts on 2020 in March.  It’s a win in my battle against perfectionism—yay me.

Looking back on the year gives us perspective and reminds us where we’ve had victories and losses and what we’ve learned from them.  Then we can go forward in faith, recognizing that we aren’t perfect yet, the world isn’t what we want it to be, and God is still good and glorious and full of grace.

I just read in my scriptures, “…to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.” (2 Nephi 9:39) It’s so easy to be “carnally-minded” and think about all the things that didn’t go well last year.  It does feel like death when I do that.  And I do.  Too much.  I get dragged down, just like Satan wants me to, by dwelling on the sad, difficult, downright rotten stuff that went on, and that is still going on, in the world, in our country, and in our neighborhoods and families.  When I let myself be carnally-minded, I don’t function well.  I don’t write or lift others or feel the Spirit the way I do when I remember and work at being spiritually-minded. Then I remember to rely on the arm of the Lord, to trust His plan, His strength, and His mercy, and let go of fear and discouragement.   

Near the end of 2020, I was feeling burdened and sad about my perceived lack of sacrifices and contributions for the Lord.  I had been going through a rough patch and struggling to get through each day.  I wasn’t doing much.  I spent a lot of time doing quiet activities at home, like puzzles, crocheting, and reading, trying to keep my anxiety and sadness under control. I was working with my counselor, attempting to understand and believe it was okay to be in a different place than I’ve been before, in regard to serving in the church, serving family, and serving others, in general.

I prayed about this, pondered it, asked the Lord to help me see myself as I really am now, and as He sees me.  He answered my prayer in His loving and merciful way by prompting me to look back at my calendar “list” of things I’ve done throughout the year. 

• The early part of the year, I walked beside my beloved mother as she prepared to be with God again. I spent my time mostly with her, taking care of her physical needs, visiting, doing some small projects together, and just quietly being there for her. I was holding her as she died peacefully, in my home. My sisters and I worked and cried together during this sad time. 

• In the spring, not long after Mom left us, I packed up our home of 25 years, and, with help from family and the Lord, moved my daughter, son, and I to a new home across town right when covid 19 shutdowns began. 

• During the shutdowns, I traveled to California to help my daughter as she courageously brought her fourth baby into the world, visited my kids in Utah, celebrating with my son at his new first home, arranged a gathering of a few dear friends, which gave us all a much-needed boost, and took my youngest kids with me for a wonderful, healing visit with my son and his sweet family in Portland.

• As summer crawled by, I spent dozens of hours on a video presentation of the lives of my Mom and Dad, feeling them close, and taking time to grieve.

• In the fall, I arranged a family gathering with all of my children, and their families, who hadn’t all been together in three years. Among joy, chaos, and hilarity, there were also tears at our private memorial for Mom and Dad, with grandchildren’s memories, the video presentation, and beautiful piano music from my son. 

• Throughout the year, I wrote 29 blog posts, sharing my testimony and hope, and helped my children through difficult health issues, trauma, disappointment and heartbreak simply by being there and loving them with all my aching heart.

As I read over the list, and revisited the meaningful events throughout 2020, I was taught and comforted by the Spirit.  Though I had struggled, needed down time, and felt unequal to many tasks, the year had still held achievements, sacrifices, and service for those I love. I’m thankful for a merciful Father who hears my prayers and gently helps me see through spiritual eyes.

“Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” Doctrine and Covenants 64:33

Last weekend my daughter and I were invited to a small virtual fireside with the guest speaker David Archuleta, singer and songwriter, probably most known for his second-place achievement on “American Idol” and subsequent fame as a recording artist.  I found his story of faith and perseverance, despite his struggles with low self-esteem, anxiety, and health issues which affected his voice, motivating and comforting. I admired the strength he exhibited to leave behind his success, for two years, to serve the Lord on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, to share the gospel in Chile. I could empathize with many of his struggles and was astounded with all he’s been able to achieve. 

 As David shared some of his journey, after his feeling that he should audition for “American Idol,” as a 16 year old, despite his challenges, and the brutal schedule he survived during that time, I couldn’t help wonder at the incredibly individual nature of Heavenly Father’s plan for each of His children. My testimony was strengthened that no matter what physical or emotional challenges we have, or may endure in the future, Heavenly Father knows us, loves us, and can use even our weaknesses to bless others, if we let Him.  With faith and courage to be who we really are, develop our unique talents and gifts, and live in a way that invites the Holy Ghost to lead us and teach us, we can each be an instrument in the hands of the Master Musician, to bring hope and comfort to those in need, and lead souls to Christ.

My daughter and I were touched, inspired, and encouraged by the message David shared. Because he is who he is and had been through what he’d been through, he’s able to reach so many people, especially youth, right now in this painfully difficult period of isolation and struggle during covid-19 restrictions.  Through his story, through his music, through his life of integrity and principal, he is a witness that we can conquer and succeed, no matter what our personal challenges are, with the Lord’s help.

I was thankful for this experience and the feelings and conversations it sparked. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with my own challenges and feel that I have little to offer. Though I’ve worked on understanding my value as a daughter of God, sometimes I still go back to looking for my value in what I accomplish and how much I serve. During this time of isolation from others, from serving in the church and in the temple, and after a release from long-term, and then intense, ministering to my mom, I’ve wrestled with discouragement and questions regarding my service, my consecration, to the Lord.

“Frequently it is the commonplace tasks … that have the greatest positive effect on the lives of others, as compared with the things that the world so often relates to greatness.” Howard W. Hunter

It’s so easy to think of all we can’t do, all we aren’t doing, and lose sight of what we are accomplishing, sometimes simply by carrying on, quietly, faithfully, one day at a time. The fireside helped me remember I am an influence for good, just like David, when I continue to live with faith and integrity, when it’s hard, when I feel like I can’t do it, when my service is simple and quiet in my own family. As a child of God, I know He has a plan for me, and will continue to guide and direct me—even when I’m weak, even after big changes, even during pandemics—because I matter to Him. Each of His children are precious to Him.

“By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

“And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord … bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” Alma 37:6-7

 As I ponder on this scripture, I feel the Spirit remind me that my small efforts do make a difference. A few simple ways I can serve Him:

• Share my testimony in my blog and through my actions
• Text, call, or mail a kind message
• Go help my daughter with her baby and visit and offer encouragement to my children, while receiving needed love and hope in return
• Strengthen family bonds through family history and my own personal history work
• Bolster my testimony through scripture study, inviting my family to join me
• Learn new skills and develop my talents
• Take care of myself and those I love, gaining strength for the work that surely is coming

It’s a weird and challenging time. I’m not sure that description will ever change again, but even if it doesn’t, I’m blessed with the gift of knowing Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan for me. If I want to serve Him, He’ll show me the way.  As I walk in the steps of Jesus, showing love and kindness, I pray He will magnify my tiny ray of light to bring a bit of His hope to a world in turmoil.

“Alma confirms for his son that indeed the pattern the Lord follows when we exercise faith in Him and follow His counsel in small and simple things is that He blesses us with small daily miracles, and over time, with marvelous works.” Steven C. Wheelwright

“But even more important than our gathering together is in whose name we do so. The Lord promised that even with the great number of His disciples on the earth today, He would be close to each of us. He said to His little band of disciples in 1829, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, … where two or three are gathered together in my name, … behold, there will I be in the midst of them—even so am I in the midst of you (D&C 6:32).’” Henry B. Eyring

With social restrictions during COVID-19, I’ve had a great deal of time to ponder on the blessings of gathering with people in my family, my circle of friends, those who share my beliefs, and for special events. After a couple of months of staying away from everyone and everything in the name of safety, this last month I’ve been able to spend precious time with my family members, far and near, to celebrate and snuggle my daughter’s new baby girl, to worship together, to see my son’s beautiful, new, first home, and to simply be together enjoying conversations, games, meals, and laughter.

This week, I also had the wonderful opportunity to meet with a few dear friends, while I was visiting my children. As five sisters in the gospel gathered together to share the happenings of the last months, I was reminded of the strength I receive simply from being in the presence of courageous, loving friends, who listen compassionately, mourn and rejoice with me, and love me in all my mess. In turn, listening to their trials and triumphs confirmed to me the incredible capacity we all have to endure, with the help of the Lord, and caused me to appreciate my own blessings and the troubles I’ve been spared. Gathering this way, knowing we were safe to share, safe to cry, safe to laugh, and safe to bear testimony, healed a broken place in my soul and bolstered my courage to face another day, another week, another year in what has become a confusing and often discouraging world.

I’m thankful for these opportunities to be together once again, though I’m still missing gathering for church. I’m thankful for the Lord’s instruction, prior to this pandemic, to more fully make our homes the center of our gospel learning, with church as our support. Besides the time I have with my daughter still at home, in the last few months, I’ve had the opportunity to gather with two of my children’s families and have church services in their homes, with the sacrament worthily blessed and passed by my daughters’ husbands.  Those shared moments of worshiping together were sweet experiences I’ll always cherish. Though we‘ve had many spiritually strengthening discussions and experiences, I’ve missed the support of church, of my ward family, more than I imagined I would. I thought it would be a nice break to only have church at home, and in some ways it has been, but I’ve come to appreciate the support of church gathering more than ever before. 

“I believe something powerful happens anytime we gather as God’s covenant people anywhere in the world, no matter how many people the gathering may include. That power can be difficult to describe, but perhaps these words of the Savior explain it best: ‘Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them’ (Matt 18:20).’

“Our Father in Heaven wants to gather us because there is great strength and safety in gathering…

“The adversary, on the other hand, seeks to isolate us and divide us, because just as gathering brings strength and safety, division brings weakness and danger.”  Stephen W. Owen

We’re incredibly blessed to have technology to allow virtual gathering with family, friends, and saints, but I’ve missed meeting for church, for worship, singing, bearing testimony, and simply feeling the Spirit that’s present when many gather together in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior. I’ve been surprised, honestly, at the degree of loss I’ve felt and my longing to return to regular church meetings.  I suffer from anxiety, and attending church has never been easy for me, but I have a treasured testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ and His restored church on the earth today, and I know I need the cleansing and renewal of the sacrament, so I go.  I’ve taken all my children, every week I was physically able and didn’t have sick babies to care for. I’ve gone after people have said or done dumb things that hurt me or one of my children, when I had to use a walker after surgery, when I had to listen to grumbling teenagers, after tragedies and losses, and even during the nearly unbearable time after my divorce, though occasionally I couldn’t make it all the way through. I’ve given myself pep talks, gotten myself (and sometimes many children) up and ready, and been there in the pew, week after week for over 40 years.

What I’ve come to realize, during this time of restriction, are the blessings I’ve received for my effort, my small sacrifice, to always get to church, even though it’s hard.

• I’ve been comforted by loving smiles, hugs, and handshakes of sweet, familiar friends.
• I’ve been inspired by the prayerfully prepared words of speakers and teachers.
• I’ve been strengthened and uplifted by shared prayers, testimony, and experiences of faith and hope.
• I’ve felt my soul draw close to Heaven as I’ve sung beautiful hymns of worship with my ward family and friends in the choir.
• Most importantly, I’ve renewed my covenants and been promised the Lord’s Spirit as I’ve taken the sacrament .

I miss it all—more than I thought possible. When it’s time to go back, I know it will be challenging, with masks covering the smiles of people I’ve yet to meet in my new ward, no socializing, no singing. It breaks my heart a little. Staying home this long also increases the anxiety of going back, but I’ll be there, committed to appreciating the gifts of gathering more than ever. Until then, I know the Lord will be with us as we gather in faith, even just two of us, to worship Him.

“…Consider the great blessings that come from gathering frequently with other Saints. Moroni said of those who were baptized in his day:

They were numbered among the people of the church of Christ; and their names were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.

And the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls.

And they did meet together oft to partake of bread and wine, in remembrance of the Lord Jesus (Moroni 6:4-6).”  Stephen W. Owen

“We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey. Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not love God, the Father of us all. The Apostle John tells us, ‘This commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.’ We are all spirit children of our Heavenly Father and, as such, are brothers and sisters. As we keep this truth in mind, loving all of God’s children will become easier.” Thomas S. Monson

It’s been a rough week. I’ve wondered if I should just skip writing today; I’ve skipped a lot of things this week. Adversity is real. The Adversary is predictable. After my sweet and joyful experiences last week, I’m not surprised by this week’s opposition, but it’s still mighty hard.  Facing some mornings takes real effort. Remembering my Savior said, “I have overcome the world,” keeps me going. When I cry on my pillow to my Heavenly Father, He hears me. When I reach out for my Savior, He’s right there. When I plead for peace, the Holy Ghost comforts me. I know God is aware our world is in turmoil. I’m sure He’s sadder than we are that His children are hurting, feeling isolated and afraid, some losing control and harming others.

I ask myself, what can I do? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that I can’t do, but if I really seek ways to help, the Spirit shows me what I can do. For me, it’s never been something grandiose, but small and simple ways of showing love and sharing my testimony. We already have a Savior who has overcome all evil. He reminds us to “Be still and know that I am God.” That doesn’t mean I can curl up in a ball and wait for Him to take care of everything, but I don’t have to fix it or carry all that pain and grief, either. I can give it to Him, follow His example, and hold to my faith and hope in His power and glory.

Jesus told us the first thing, the most important thing, we can do is love God. How do we do that?

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15

Be good. Be obedient. Be our best selves.  Hold to the iron rod—the word of God. Jesus said, “I do always those things that please [God].”

“The first step to walking in righteousness is simply to try. We must try to believe. Try to learn of God: read the scriptures; study the words of His latter-day prophets; choose to listen to the Father, and do the things He asks of us. Try and keep on trying until that which seems difficult becomes possible—and that which seems only possible becomes habit and a real part of you.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Our love for God increases as we recognize our blessings come from Him, “…being commanded of God to pray without ceasing, and to give thanks in all things.” Sometimes I’m so amazed at the blessings I’ve been given, I weep with gratitude and love for my Heavenly Father. No matter what’s going on, I can look around me, at my family, my friends, my home, my faith and my church, my health, and realize how incredibly blessed I am. How good God is, whether life is going well or is messed up.

“To love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is all-consuming and all-encompassing. It is no lukewarm endeavor. It is total commitment of our very being—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—to a love of the Lord…

“Why did God put the first commandment first? Because He knew that if we truly loved Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments. “For this is the love of God,” says John, “that we keep his commandments.” Ezra Taft Benson

The second most important thing is to love all of God’s children. Every single one, including ourselves. I’m absolutely certain Heavenly Father loves each of His children, personally, individually.  I have to believe that, because I feel his personal, individual love for me every minute of the day and night. He knows my quirks, my weaknesses, my strengths, my fears, my talents, my joys, my heartache. I know He knows because He shows me in countless ways. He sends people to help me, blesses me with strength when mine is gone, gives me specific answers in prayers and Priesthood blessings, and loves me even when I fail. It’s amazing and beautiful to me. I’m just one, but I matter to Him. So do you. That’s why He wants us to be loving to each other, just as Jesus is—perfectly, completely. That isn’t easy, and we’ll get it wrong many times, but it seems to be what we’re here to learn.

“God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.

“What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I trust my Heavenly Father’s plan. He’s got this. Everything is in His hands and will be okay. I’ll keep pressing on, keep loving Him and showing it through my actions, and keep loving each of His precious children, even when it’s hard. That’s my job, one day, one hour, one small act of kindness at a time.

“Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

“Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” Doctrine and Covenants 6:34, 36

I recently read the story of Ammon, in The Book of Mormon. There are many amazing experiences and lessons to learn from this amazing, repentant, and changed man, who becomes a valiant witness of Christ. The lesson that struck me during this reading was the protection the Lord promised Ammon’s father, King Mosiah, which was so dramatically fulfilled when a man, who raised his sword to slay an unconscious Ammon, suddenly dropped to the floor, dead.

“Now we see that Ammon could not be slain, for the Lord had said unto Mosiah, his father: I will spare him, and it shall be unto him according to thy faith—therefore, Mosiah trusted him unto the Lord.” Alma 19:23

This story is unique, in that the Lord specifically promised Mosiah that he would protect Ammon, yet there are countless examples of those who have been protected by the Lord as they went about His work.  Sometimes that work is missionary work, like Ammon’s, but there are many ways to serve the Lord, many ways to encounter challenge and danger, and many ways to be protected. This scripture also reminds us that it was by faith the miracle occurred.

Daniel was spared from hungry lions. Young David slayed the giant, Goliath. Millions of Israelites crossed the parted Red Sea. The list of times the Lord protected His disciples is a long one.  However, there is also a list of those who were not spared but sealed their testimonies with their blood, such as Stephen, Abinadi, Joseph Smith, and thousands of converted Lamanites who refused to take up weapons after repenting.

When Shadrach Meshach, and Abednego were told to bow to the idols or be cast into the fiery furnace, their response is one each of us would benefit from remembering.

“If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.  But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.”  Daniel 3: 17-18

Those three words, “but if not,” have been spoken by other believers who were willing to serve the Lord, at any cost. The Lord is able to protect and save our physical bodies, but if not, He has already saved our souls, so we have nothing to fear.

“The Lord has given us agency, the right and the responsibility to decide. He tests us by allowing us to be challenged. He assures us that He will not suffer us to be tempted beyond our ability to withstand. But we must understand that great challenges make great men. We don’t seek tribulation, but if we respond in faith, the Lord strengthens us. The but if nots can become remarkable blessings…

“Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not …He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not…He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not…we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has.” Dennis E. Simmons

Faith isn’t believing God will do whatever we ask in faith; it’s believing He will do what is best for everyone involved, no matter how it looks to us in our limited understanding. We do the best we can, trusting Him to help us get through whatever we are called to endure and use it for our good.

I’m inspired and amazed at the courage and faith of many who are willing to love and serve others despite risk to themselves. Of course, Jesus was the epitome of loving and serving the sick and afflicted. Countless others have followed His example to relieve suffering, including missionaries, who have served all over the world, and healthcare workers, who often risk their own health serving others.  My family has personally been blessed by loving friends willing to come and minister, even during serious illness.

I was touched by a talk given by Robert C. Gay, in the October 2018 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, about taking upon ourselves the name of Christ.  He shared,

“I recently learned about an experience in the life of Elder James E. Talmage that caused me to pause and consider how I love and serve those around me. As a young professor, before he became an Apostle, in the height of the deadly diphtheria epidemic of 1892, Elder Talmage discovered a family of strangers, not members of the Church, who lived near him and who were stricken by the disease. No one wanted to put themselves at risk by going inside the infected home. Elder Talmage, however, immediately proceeded to the home. He found four children: a two-and-a-half-year-old dead on the bed, a five-year-old and ten-year-old in great pain, and a weakened thirteen-year-old. The parents were suffering with grief and fatigue.

“Elder Talmage dressed the dead and the living, swept the rooms, carried out the soiled clothing, and burned filthy rags covered with the disease. He worked all day and then returned the next morning. The ten-year-old died during the night. He lifted and held the five-year-old. She coughed bloody mucus all over his face and clothes. He wrote, “I could not put her from me,” and he held her until she died in his arms. He helped bury all three children and arranged for food and clean clothing for the grieving family. Upon returning home, Brother Talmage disposed of his clothes, bathed in a zinc solution, quarantined himself from his family, and suffered through a mild attack of the disease.”

Elder Gay closes with these words:

“So many lives around us are at stake. Saints take the Savior’s name upon themselves by becoming holy and ministering to all regardless of where or how they stand—lives are saved as we do so.”

Reading that talk again in May 2020 pierced my heart. Though most of us are not called to do such difficult and courageous acts, we are each able to ask what the Lord would have us do, listen for the Spirit to guide us, and then put aside fear to courageously act on what we have heard and felt. If we do that, taking His name upon us, all will be well with our souls, no matter the outcome.

And should we die before our journey’s through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
With the just we shall dwell!
But if our lives are spared again
To see the Saints their rest obtain,
Oh, how we’ll make this chorus swell—
All is well! All is well!

William Clayton, 1814–1879

I’m feeling grateful and hopeful today for the opportunity to join with millions of people across the earth to fast and pray to our Father in Heaven to heal our hearts, our bodies, our families, our lands, and our governments, and to help us learn from experiencing this global crisis. I’ve felt strengthened by messages from our dear Prophet, Russell M. Nelson, and other apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ, reminding us there’s hope in Christ, and as we hear Him, we are blessed with peace and comfort. I have never looked forward more to General Conference, coming up next Saturday and Sunday, April 4th and 5th, and hearing the words of the Lord, for us right now, spoken through His Prophets and Apostles. 

In my scripture study this week, in The Book of Mormon, Mosiah chapters 23-24, I read about the people of Alma. So many of the words in these chapters spoke directly to me and the situation we find ourselves in.  These people, who’d converted and made covenants with God, though they were faithful and trying to keep the commandments, faced difficult trials. After escaping the king, who was trying to kill them for their faith, the Lord brought them to a good land where they prospered, but then had further struggles.

“Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.

“Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people.

“For behold, I will show you that they were brought into bondage, and none could deliver them but the Lord their God…

“And it came to pass that he did deliver them, and he did show forth his mighty power unto them, and great were their rejoicings.” Mosiah 23: 21-24

 When the people were afraid of their enemies, their leader, Alma, “exhorted them that they should not be frightened, but that they should remember the Lord their God and he would deliver them.” The people of Alma relied on the Lord, and were spared from destruction, but were brought into bondage and persecuted by their task-masters. The people cried to God for relief, but even that wasn’t allowed, so they poured out their hearts to him silently, and “he did know the thoughts of their hearts.”

The interesting part, to me, is that they were not immediately rescued from their situation. Instead, God said he would “ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs…and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”  

These covenant people were strengthened “that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” I’m always struck with that description: cheerfully and with patience. That’s not easy! I try to understand what the Lord wants me to learn, what He wants me to do in witnessing how He rescues me and lifts my burdens, however, my patience and cheerfulness have definite peaks and valleys!

Eventually, the faith and patience of the people of Alma were so great, they were miraculously delivered from bondage. Even that took enormous faith, as they gathered all their flocks and grain to escape, while the Lord caused a “deep sleep” to come upon their enemies.  I imagine that would have been pretty stressful to simply believe God would keep their enemies asleep while all these people packed up, with their animals, and headed out into the wilderness—another scary thought right there. I can also imagine their humble gratitude as “they gave thanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God.”

As a covenant daughter of God, I see the parallels in this story with my own life, over and over. Right now, I continually remind myself not to be afraid because the Lord is our Deliverer. I work on having faith as I continually pour out my heart to our Father, who hears and answers in the way that will best bless me, and who visits me in my afflictions. Though I don’t understand and worry about those I love, I try to be patient and cheerful, and I feel Him easing my burdens. I know I’m not alone. I greatly rejoice at the many miracles I’ve seen in my life, and the lives of those I love.  

As I gratefully join millions in fasting and lifting our voices in prayer and thanksgiving today, I stand as a witness that our loving Father in Heaven is calmly in charge, knows what is happening, and will use all our experiences for our good—to teach us, refine us, and bring us back home to Him.

This week I was determined to focus on the good as I kept my heart open to trusting the Lord and His goodness and love. It’s easier to remember that nothing can really go “wrong” when God holds us, the entire world, in His kind and capable hands and is aware of everything going on. I leaned into those thoughts, those truths, this week and found an amazingly happy and hopeful place inside.

Reaching Out

Last Sunday, after the directions from the First Presidency of the church, and also our stake president, my daughter and I were both a little sad coming into the day, wishing we had someone in our home to administer the sacrament to us. However, it turned into a sweet blessing as three separate families offered to give of their time to bring it to us.  It’s humbling to receive that care and concern, especially for such a sacred and personal ordinance. We were truly grateful for all who reached out, and for those who came, reverently dressed in church clothes, prepared to bless us.

I felt love from many who reached out through texts, emails, social media, and video calls, which always brought a smile and revealed our stay-at-home selves, a little less glamourous than usual. (As my daughter put it, when I said I needed to get dressed, “Why?”) Though there were sometimes sad things shared, it was still a joy to be able to share them, be “together” in it, and offer, and receive, what love and comfort we could.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

“For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12

Music

I consider music one of God’s greatest gifts. It speaks to my soul, often drawing out feelings I didn’t realize I was holding inside. My daughter is gifted with a beautiful voice, and I love to hear her singing around the house. Often, she sings, plays guitar, ukulele, or piano and brightens my day. There’s a vast variety of wonderful music to bless us. Reverent music brings the Spirit, mournful music may help us grieve, and upbeat music can give us energy. I listened to Mandisa’s “Good Morning” on my walk and couldn’t keep from dancing out there in the middle of the street.  Good thing it was deserted.

My son video recorded a jazzed up—lights and lasers and such—piano piece of the latest James Bond theme, “No Time to Die.” Not only was the title perfect for this week, haha, the music was powerful and turbulent and reached right into what I was feeling. I listened and watched over and over, enjoying the way it resonated with me and feeling joy at his use of his talents. You can watch it here.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

“He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

“And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3

Humor

Everybody’s heard that laughter is the best medicine. My family members have commented on how much I laugh when my sisters and I get together. I laugh with all of my children—they’re fun and funny and clever. We love our “inside jokes” with family and friends. We have a few hilarious old movies we’ve watched so many times, the entire family can quote every line. For example, “What’s Up Doc?” is a classic at our house. We’ve watched tons of other shows together and use quotes from them for every occasion.  We’ve cracked up with Buzz and Woody, George and Nina, Kuzco and Pacha, and (a slightly edited) Gus and Shawn. My daughter and I continue to laugh together, at each other, at shows, whatever. I chuckled out loud by myself this week viewing some hilarious memes and video clips. Stressed humans often respond to less-than-ideal situations with humor—it’s a coping mechanism.  I’ve appreciated it this week.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

“And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.” Genesis 21:6

Healthy Eating and Exercise

Don’t “humph” and skip over this section. I know it’s been said a million times, but there’s a reason for that.  I’m a great example of both ends of the spectrum in this category.  Sometimes I do well, eating clean, exercising, breathing, taking care of my body; other times, I use food to try to comfort and feel better, or to numb, and feel too down to move my body. What I’ve found, over and over, because I’m human and fail, is that feeding my body healthy food and moving it always makes my brain function 1,000 times better. Happier. Clearer. Calmer. When I see the sun peep out, I go outside, walk, feel the light on my face, and breathe in the fresh air. It feels like God is near. I get so mad at myself when I forget this and try to feel better with chocolate and sugar and more, more, more, which never works past the moment. Long term well-being is sacrificed for momentary relief and future regret. This is one of my challenges and I go around and around, but this week I ate 90% healthy and walked and pedaled each day, and the difference was amazing, as it always is. It’s not easy, especially at first, but it gets easier and easier as the days add up. It’s freeing. I’m hoping I’ll remember.

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the spirit of God dwelleth in you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16

Inviting the Spirit

The most important way to feel happiness and comfort during hard times is to do the things that invite the Spirit: keeping the commandments, getting in our study time, talking to Heavenly Father with real intent, and loving ourselves and those around us. It seems simple, but Satan is masterful at distracting us with fear, frustration, anger, and trivial details. He also uses apathy, self-pity, and inertia to keep us down. We have everything we need to conquer Satan. There are countless ways to do good and feel good, to invite the Spirit into our hearts and homes, including the things I’ve mentioned. It’s worth it to make the effort! Nothing can compare to the peace, joy, and hope we feel when the Holy Ghost is our companion.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 

“Meekness, temperance…

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” Galatians 5:22-23,25