I have a bit of OCD and find it soothing to go through everything I own about once every 3 months, sorting, organizing, and eliminating anything I don’t need or use.  I’d qualify for a platinum membership at Deseret Industries (thrift store donations), if they had one. I love the feeling of simplifying, paring down, and making room for future interests. Not all my family members appreciated this over the years, however, and more than once, I’ve been admonished, “Mom, stop giving everything away!” Once I accidentally donated all my college-age daughter’s dress clothes, which she had put into two big black trash bags for storage. After an unsuccessful attempt to find them at the local donation center, we gave up and had a good cry. I’ve also occasionally had to repurchase something I’d given away, but I feel that’s a small price to pay.

Since I’ve now been in my new home for over 3 months, and some of the placement of stuff was a little rushed in the beginning, I spent the week systematically going through everything, finding just the right locations to optimize space. I happily minimized significantly when I moved to nearly half the space, but I still managed to find plenty to donate to DI this time around. I know that seems weird to many people, and I admit it is sometimes a bit of an obsession, but it helps keep my mind clear and free of clutter, in some way.

During my cleaning-out process this week, I read a wonderful talk, “Consistent and Resilient Trust” by Elder L. Todd Budge, from the October 2019 General Conference, which I highly recommend. Elder Budge shares:

“In a paradoxical way, afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy if we will trust in the Lord and His plan for us. This truth is beautifully expressed by a 13th-century poet: ‘Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.’

“…Our trials and afflictions can make space for greater joy.

“The good news of the gospel is not the promise of a life free of sorrow and tribulation but a life full of purpose and meaning—a life where our sorrows and afflictions can be ‘swallowed up in the joy of Christ.’ The Savior declared, ‘In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.’ His gospel is a message of hope. Sorrow coupled with hope in Jesus Christ holds the promise of enduring joy.”

I was touched and comforted by these words and the picture they painted.  In the same way cleaning out my home clears my mind and makes room, my trials cleanse my soul, providing space for me to grow. I believe all of us have experienced an increase in afflictions and sorrow recently, and I’m thankful for messages like this one to remind us that hard things have a purpose, and because of our Dear Savior, we can hope for “far better things.” Let’s keep holding on to our hope in Him.

PS As I typed the title for this post, I left off the “S” accidentally.  It made me stop and think of the connection Elder Budge referred to between weeping, sweeping, and joy.

This week I was determined to focus on the good as I kept my heart open to trusting the Lord and His goodness and love. It’s easier to remember that nothing can really go “wrong” when God holds us, the entire world, in His kind and capable hands and is aware of everything going on. I leaned into those thoughts, those truths, this week and found an amazingly happy and hopeful place inside.

Reaching Out

Last Sunday, after the directions from the First Presidency of the church, and also our stake president, my daughter and I were both a little sad coming into the day, wishing we had someone in our home to administer the sacrament to us. However, it turned into a sweet blessing as three separate families offered to give of their time to bring it to us.  It’s humbling to receive that care and concern, especially for such a sacred and personal ordinance. We were truly grateful for all who reached out, and for those who came, reverently dressed in church clothes, prepared to bless us.

I felt love from many who reached out through texts, emails, social media, and video calls, which always brought a smile and revealed our stay-at-home selves, a little less glamourous than usual. (As my daughter put it, when I said I needed to get dressed, “Why?”) Though there were sometimes sad things shared, it was still a joy to be able to share them, be “together” in it, and offer, and receive, what love and comfort we could.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

“For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12

Music

I consider music one of God’s greatest gifts. It speaks to my soul, often drawing out feelings I didn’t realize I was holding inside. My daughter is gifted with a beautiful voice, and I love to hear her singing around the house. Often, she sings, plays guitar, ukulele, or piano and brightens my day. There’s a vast variety of wonderful music to bless us. Reverent music brings the Spirit, mournful music may help us grieve, and upbeat music can give us energy. I listened to Mandisa’s “Good Morning” on my walk and couldn’t keep from dancing out there in the middle of the street.  Good thing it was deserted.

My son video recorded a jazzed up—lights and lasers and such—piano piece of the latest James Bond theme, “No Time to Die.” Not only was the title perfect for this week, haha, the music was powerful and turbulent and reached right into what I was feeling. I listened and watched over and over, enjoying the way it resonated with me and feeling joy at his use of his talents. You can watch it here.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

“He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

“And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3

Humor

Everybody’s heard that laughter is the best medicine. My family members have commented on how much I laugh when my sisters and I get together. I laugh with all of my children—they’re fun and funny and clever. We love our “inside jokes” with family and friends. We have a few hilarious old movies we’ve watched so many times, the entire family can quote every line. For example, “What’s Up Doc?” is a classic at our house. We’ve watched tons of other shows together and use quotes from them for every occasion.  We’ve cracked up with Buzz and Woody, George and Nina, Kuzco and Pacha, and (a slightly edited) Gus and Shawn. My daughter and I continue to laugh together, at each other, at shows, whatever. I chuckled out loud by myself this week viewing some hilarious memes and video clips. Stressed humans often respond to less-than-ideal situations with humor—it’s a coping mechanism.  I’ve appreciated it this week.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

“And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.” Genesis 21:6

Healthy Eating and Exercise

Don’t “humph” and skip over this section. I know it’s been said a million times, but there’s a reason for that.  I’m a great example of both ends of the spectrum in this category.  Sometimes I do well, eating clean, exercising, breathing, taking care of my body; other times, I use food to try to comfort and feel better, or to numb, and feel too down to move my body. What I’ve found, over and over, because I’m human and fail, is that feeding my body healthy food and moving it always makes my brain function 1,000 times better. Happier. Clearer. Calmer. When I see the sun peep out, I go outside, walk, feel the light on my face, and breathe in the fresh air. It feels like God is near. I get so mad at myself when I forget this and try to feel better with chocolate and sugar and more, more, more, which never works past the moment. Long term well-being is sacrificed for momentary relief and future regret. This is one of my challenges and I go around and around, but this week I ate 90% healthy and walked and pedaled each day, and the difference was amazing, as it always is. It’s not easy, especially at first, but it gets easier and easier as the days add up. It’s freeing. I’m hoping I’ll remember.

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the spirit of God dwelleth in you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16

Inviting the Spirit

The most important way to feel happiness and comfort during hard times is to do the things that invite the Spirit: keeping the commandments, getting in our study time, talking to Heavenly Father with real intent, and loving ourselves and those around us. It seems simple, but Satan is masterful at distracting us with fear, frustration, anger, and trivial details. He also uses apathy, self-pity, and inertia to keep us down. We have everything we need to conquer Satan. There are countless ways to do good and feel good, to invite the Spirit into our hearts and homes, including the things I’ve mentioned. It’s worth it to make the effort! Nothing can compare to the peace, joy, and hope we feel when the Holy Ghost is our companion.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 

“Meekness, temperance…

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” Galatians 5:22-23,25

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

Letting go is a recurring theme in my journey of health and happiness.  I check in with myself when I’m struggling or anxious and find out what I’m trying to hold that needs to go. Like change, letting go is a constant throughout our lives.  Unfortunately it’s not my strong suit.  Actually, I’m really good at letting go of “stuff.”  I can fill the trunk of my car with donations to the thrift store every single week, but when it comes to relationships and emotional letting go, I struggle.  I want to hold on tightly, even though it hurts, because it also hurts to let go.

After my divorce, I studied and searched for ways to heal and move ahead in my life.  One course I took had a section on “letting go.”  The rest of the work for the course was difficult, requiring introspection and journaling, revisiting painful subjects, but I did all that work steadily until I came to that section. Screeching halt. I was stuck.  I married my husband in a temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, where I believe marriages are sealed for eternity, if we keep our covenants. The scriptures tell us, as husband and wife, to cleave to one another and become one.  If we’re sealed, and become one, when we divorce, we sever off part of ourselves.  I couldn’t figure out how to let go of that part of myself.

I also struggled with an enormous feeling of failure. When a marriage ends, there is shared responsibility. No matter who did what, the family is shattered.  Everyone hurts. The effects are heart-wrenching and long-reaching; I agonized over the impact on my children and their children, down through the generations.   As the mom, I’d always taken care of the kids, shared their sorrows, and mended their wounds. I wanted desperately to fix all that was wrong, protect them from the hurt, but I was forced to accept my powerlessness. It wasn’t my job to fix the situation or heal their pain. I had to trust the Savior, the Great Physician, to do that. I had to accept His Grace was enough. Relying on that, I learned how to be a support on the sidelines, carrying their burdens with them, not for them, and allowing them to do the same for me.

“When tragedies overtake us, when life hurts so much we can’t breathe, when we’ve taken a beating like the man on the road to Jericho and been left for dead, Jesus comes along and pours oil into our wounds, lifts us tenderly up, takes us to an inn, looks after us. To those of us in grief, He says, ‘I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, … that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.’ Christ heals wounds.”  Sharon Eubank

Letting go is arduous and ongoing. For some reason, I keep picking up the things I’ve preciously let go. Worry changes nothing. Holding onto guilt changes nothing. Feeling responsible for circumstances or others’ actions changes nothing. It’s all unproductive, energy consuming, and detrimental to my peace of mind.  When my concerns about one of my children, myself, my mom, anyone I love, overwhelm me with fear, I remind myself, over and over, I can trust the Lord; His Grace is sufficient. No matter what happens, He has it covered.  I won’t be alone, they won’t be alone, it will be okay.  It has taken me many years to understand that letting go is a matter of releasing the illusion of control and wholeheartedly relinquishing my will, regardless of the outcome, to the loving omnipotence of my Heavenly Father, trusting He will make it all good.

“How many of us, at times, try to resolve life’s challenges ourselves, without seeking the intervention of the Lord in our lives? We try to carry the burden alone…

“I bear witness that if we will seek the grace of God, He will come to our aid and the aid of our loved ones in times of need. Let us obey the Lord in all things and offer to Him the ultimate sacrifice of ‘a broken heart and a contrite spirit.’” Gene R. Cook

The following words are the result of that exercise on letting go, which I was finally able to work through.

I’m letting go of my belief that I can fix anything or anyone.  I’m freeing myself of the burden by giving it all to Jesus.  I trust Him.  Nothing is unfixable to Him.  I’m letting go, thankful that I’m not in charge of saving myself or anyone else.  I’m letting go of my belief that I can control anything except my own choices and actions, and willingly, happily, give all the rest to my Savior.  I’m humbled and grateful to know that He holds everyone and everything in His loving and capable hands. I know He walks beside me as I make mistakes, learn, and grow.  I don’t have to be perfect yet. 

I’m letting go—freeing myself to bravely embrace a life led by the Spirit and full of hope and joy because of my Heavenly Father’s plan and my Savior’s atonement. 

I’m letting go and accepting Grace.

“Though our trials are diverse, there is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.” Joseph B. Wirthlin

One of my favorite hymns is “Onward Christian Soldiers.” On my good days, it’s incredibly motivating and inspirational to me—I’m in there fighting the good fight with my fellow saints.  Some days, however, I just don’t feel up to joining the happy throng, and I have to remind myself what Brigham Young said:

“The men and women, who desire to obtain seats in the celestial kingdom, will find that they must battle every day [for this sacred goal].”

I think we all have mornings we wake up and just don’t want to do the day.  I know I do.  Day after day I try to be a brave soldier, keep going, be a light in the dark world. But some days, my own light feels dim, my burdens heavier than usual, and it feels like more than I can do to be me that day. (Please understand I’m not talking about clinical depression, but a temporary, though not always brief, state of mind.) I’m grateful I can roll out of bed onto my knees and know my Father in Heaven will hear me share these painful feelings.

I’ve learned that some things do not help me when I’m feeling beaten by life.  First, it doesn’t help when people say I should just get over it, especially if I’m the one saying that to myself.  When I’m hurting and hiding, gentle understanding and compassion for those feelings—the grief, the pain—always comfort my heart.  It helps to remind myself that it’s OK to hurt, that there are good reasons why my trials seem too heavy that day. My spirit needs nurturing when I feel like that, however, in the darkness, it’s nearly impossible to think of something that will nurture. I plan ahead. On my phone, I keep a list of “things I love to do”  that might lift my spirits: listening to uplifting music, reading or listening to scriptures or another good book, calling or texting a friend or sister (couldn’t have survived without this one), taking a walk, or simply sitting in the sunshine and being still. Make the list a long one!

Second, it doesn’t help, and often makes it worse, to mindlessly eat or shop or watch TV. Distraction, also known as numbing, may feel better temporarily, but when I’m stuffed, or broke, or the show is over, I’m still stuck, still hurting, still needing light. It does help to allow myself to feel my pain, explore it, and discover what’s causing it. Moving through the pain gives healthy, long-term healing. It’s not easy to learn to sit with our pain. The child in us often believes it’s too much, too hard, that we can’t handle it.  But, as adults, we have access to the resources and people, such as doctors, counselors, books, journaling, physical movements and treatments, that can help us work through traumatic matters of the heart that need to be healed. Sometimes we have to press forward to get through it.

Finally, it doesn’t help to wallow.  Once on a downward spiral, it’s easy to just abandon all positive thoughts and wallow in everything that’s miserable or rotten in my life and even in the world! That is never a good place to go.  It’s a bottomless well that’s dark and difficult to escape. It does help to acknowledge that things aren’t currently the way I’d hoped they would be or would like them to be, and that it hurts.  Then I can focus on some things that are right and as good, or better, than I ever dreamed, like temple sealings and grandbaby hugs.  There is always so much to be thankful for. Again, sometimes during dark moments, it’s hard to think of the beautiful things in our lives, so writing them down when we’re feeling especially blessed, and keeping them nearby, is great. 

Over 50 years of life, with many ups and downs, I’ve found that no matter how dark things look at times, the light always returns eventually. As Winston Churchill said during World War II, “Never, never, never give up!” Sometimes when storm clouds linger, far longer than we had hoped, we can do as Hilary Weeks suggests and take a moment to “dance in the rain and let our dreams know we haven’t forgotten them.”  

 I tend to be more like Eeyore than Winnie-the-Pooh, a lot more like Marlin than Dory. I wish I could be more like Dory who, despite her challenges, cheerfully advises, “When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming!”

The Lord knows how we feel and what we need. If we ask Him, He will help us know, each time we’re faced with darkness or pain, whether to “press forward” with steadfastness or “stand still” and know that He is God. He won’t leave us comfortless or powerless.

 “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” D&C 84:88

“I testify that the Lord has a plan for each of our lives. Nothing that happens is a shock or a surprise to Him. He is all-knowing and all-loving. He is eager to help us, to comfort us, and to ease our pain as we rely on the power of the Atonement and honor our covenants. The trials and tribulation that we experience may be the very things that guide us to come unto Him and cling to our covenants so that we might return to His presence and receive all that the Father hath.” Linda S. Reeves

I add my testimony to hers. The hardest experiences in my life have strengthened my testimony the most and assured me that I am never alone and will have help through whatever comes my way. I will press on, with trust and hope in my Savior, remembering that I’m only here a little while.  I can do this.

I Will

Will I still be strong when my dreams have died

Though I chose the right, and honestly tried?

When life doesn’t look like I thought it would,

Will I trust God to take it and make it good?

Will I still believe when my life falls apart

Or throw it all out with my broken heart?

Will I remember He’s there and reach for the light,

And trust Him to heal me and make things right?

I’ll cling to my covenants when I can’t see the way.

I’ll hang on to my hope for another day.

I’ll trust in my Savior, when I don’t know;

For if I left Him, to whom would I go?“

“I testify that in the eternities, as we look back upon our little span of existence here on this earth, we will lift our voices and rejoice that, in spite of the difficulties we encountered, we had the wisdom, the faith, and the courage to endure and press on.” Joseph B. Wirthlin

“We search for happiness. We long for peace. We hope for love. And the Lord showers us with an amazing abundance of blessings. But intermingled with the joy and happiness, one thing is certain: there will be moments, hours, days, sometimes years when your soul will be wounded.” Neil A. Anderson

We’ve all been wounded and need healing. The words in the scriptures that assure us Christ will come with “healing in His wings,” are beautiful to me.  I visualize his arms reaching out, ready to embrace, comfort, and heal me whenever I call on Him. I feel like Lehi when he said, “I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.” While I know it’s through my Savior’s grace that I’m healed, I recognize that the healing He offers usually requires some effort on my part.  When I’m willing to listen to the Spirit and do the work I’m led to do, I progress more rapidly, and am blessed with bright moments of joy. The Lord is always right here with me, leading me to the people and tools that will best teach and heal me.

 “O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.”

Psalm 30:2

We’re used to instant gratification in our high-speed, high-tech world, but healing requires time and patience, along with hard work. It can be a slow, difficult quest, but those who seek healing will find a path perfectly designed for them by the Lord. Most days, I feel like I’m still at the beginning of a long road, but looking back reminds me I’ve made progress.  Here are some of the tools that help me on my journey. 

Pray without ceasing. Staying close to Heavenly Father and Jesus through daily, nearly constant, prayer, has been my solace. My heart is comforted knowing that Jesus has felt everything I feel, I’m not alone, and it’s OK to feel what I feel and share it all with Him.

Take Time to Grieve. When we experience trauma or loss, it leaves a gaping wound in our spirit—an injury nobody can see.  Life goes on around us, while we stand there in shock, devastated and disoriented. We need time to catch our breath, find our way, grieve the loss of the life we knew before.  Practicing self-compassion, treating ourselves with tender care during this painful time, will help steady the ground under our feet. It’s not easy to learn to say no and accept our limitations without feeling guilty.  When we begin to come out of the darkness, serving others is like a salve. As we open our hearts and use our hands to lift others, our burdens are lightened.

Reach out for help. When my heart is hurting, I want to crawl under the covers and hide. While that may be what I need for a little while, I’m mostly hiding from myself, my feelings, my pain.  Healing requires feeling the pain, addressing it, moving through it.  Some experiences are too hard to face alone, and often we don’t have the knowledge we need to find our way through the maze of difficult feelings. Professional counseling has been instrumental in my healing process. I’ve also found comfort by reaching out to safe, loving friends, who are strong enough to listen and sit with me in my pain.

Put feelings, struggles, and thoughts down on paper.  Journaling has been an eye-opening, soul wrenching, and freeing practice for me. Revisiting painful experiences takes courage!  It’s grueling work.  As I write out the hurt, the anger, the fear, the regrets, and the sorrow, I make discoveries about myself and others.  I challenge and explore my perceptions, my actions, and my mistakes. In those moments of complete honesty and humility, the Lord blesses me with better understanding and more forgiveness for myself and those I love.

Take care of our bodies. Even on a good day, this one is hard, but my mind is calmer and clearer when I eat well, exercise, and breathe. If I resist the call of chocolate and use one of the other tools instead, I make tiny leaps forward.  Handling challenges is much easier with a strong, healthy body. Doing these things for myself reminds me that I matter; I am worth caring for.

Read good books. When I find a great book and do the work suggested, I’m amazed at the insights I discover. Some books that have been beneficial in my healing are:

Daring Greatly (Brené Brown), Great Day Every Day (Max Lucado), Inner Bonding (Margaret Paul), The Artists Way (Julia Cameron), Boundaries (Henry Cloud and John Townsend), Mindfulness An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World (Mark Williams and Danny Penman) This one is best as an audio book.

Listen to uplifting music. Music has magical healing qualities. Uplifting music reaches inside me, brings up my tears, turns my aching heart to my Savior, and reminds me I will survive this latest crisis. My personal recording artist from Heaven is Hilary Weeks. For more than 20 years, she’s been there for me, speaking straight to my heart. I thank God for the gift of her music and testimony.

Here are some of my favorite Christian “fight songs” to try when you need reminding that you can do this crazy hard life.

Hilary Weeks—”Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” “The Beginning” “Brave”

Calee Reed—”The Comeback” “Broken and Beautiful” “Giants Fall”

Mandisa—”Stronger” “Overcomer” “Say Goodbye “

Hold on to the truths we know. Though it’s sometimes painful, going to church and attending the temple always bless me. Studying the Book of Mormon and General Conference talks has been a strength to me throughout my life and is a source of comfort and guidance in the dark. In the Book of Mormon, fasting is mentioned in close connection with mourning, and fasting has brought the Comforter close in my grieving. I’ve found hidden treasures during Topical Guide searches on trust, fear, joy, and hope. I feel hope as I read about faithful people who have gone through painful experiences. Their stories are resolved, their lessons learned.  I’m in the middle right now, but like those who’ve come before me, trusting in the Lord, I will have a victorious ending.

“…Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

Practice gratitude. Life is still beautiful.  When I focus on all that is right and good and sweet in my life, noticing the miracles and blessings all around me, I feel the love of my Savior and know I will be OK.

 “My brothers and sisters, it is my promise to you that increasing your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ will bring you added strength and greater hope. For you, the righteous, the Healer of our souls, in His time and His way, will heal all your wounds. No injustice, no persecution, no trial, no sadness, no heartache, no suffering, no wound—however deep, however wide, however painful—will be excluded from the comfort, peace, and lasting hope of Him whose open arms and whose wounded hands will welcome us back into His presence.” Neil A. Anderson

There are many things I don’t understand in my perception of what the Lord’s plan is and how it’s all going to come to pass, but the one thing I know for certain is that I am a daughter of Heavenly parents and they know me and love me, as an individual. I have had this testimony strengthened many times as my prayers have been answered and I see the tiny or huge miracles I am so often blessed with. 

Knowing that I am loved perfectly helps me as I learn to love myself.  When a man asked the Lord which of the commandments was the most important, “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

To me, it seems clear that if we want to love others, we must love ourselves.  This may seem obvious or silly, but I don’t think most of us love ourselves very well.  I’m way harsher and more judgmental with myself than with anyone else, and I don’t forgive myself as quickly. I talk to myself in mean, discouraging ways when I don’t always get it “right.” That’s not loving. I know Jesus wouldn’t treat me the way I often treat myself. He is forgiving, encouraging, and kind. Loving others and serving them seems to come easier than loving ourselves.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we often hear that the Savior taught, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” In his October 2009 General Conference talk, President Thomas S. Monson said of this scripture: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.”

I’ve read that quote over many times.  I understand it to mean that we are not required to literally serve to death, but we’ll become happier and more like our Savior as we do serve others and not live only for ourselves.  However, I think we sometimes do the opposite; we live only for others and forget to nurture ourselves.

When I was a young wife and harried homeschooling mother, busy in church callings, I was barely able to make it through each day. I didn’t take care of myself.  I didn’t think I had the time and knew I didn’t have the energy. I gave everything away every single day.  Year after year.   I couldn’t understand why I became more and more depressed and anxious.  I felt guilty saying no to more requests and wanted to hide so nobody could ask me.  I felt resentful of all the demands on me, instead of finding joy in serving.  I wondered why “losing myself in service” wasn’t helping me save my life. I was finally forced to take better care of myself, or live unable to function well.  I had to let go of non-essential tasks and check in to see if I was doing things for family members, young and old, that they should be doing for themselves. I had to learn to listen to my heart and my body and say no when I was at my limit. It was difficult. I worried about being selfish.  I struggled with my inability to serve as much as I wanted to or used to. I had to remind myself of ways I was already serving, especially in my own home.

 President James E. Faust said, “Serving others can begin at almost any age. … It need not be on a grand scale, and it is noblest within the family.”

I’m certain God doesn’t want us to work ourselves to death serving our families and others.  He cares about our bodies and our health.  In the scriptures He tells us, “ye are the temple of God, and…the Spirit of God dwelleth in you.” He has blessed us with the Word of Wisdom to teach us what’s best for our bodies, and He instructs us in The Doctrine and Covenants “to retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.” He’s given us the Sabbath day to rest from our labors and be refreshed.

Another aspect of being healthy concerns our emotional and spiritual well-being. Self-reliance is a significant focus in the church today.  For many years, we have been encouraged to have food and money reserves for emergencies, and current self-reliance instruction includes increasing emotional and spiritual reserves as well. Like the five wise virgins, we need to continually fill our own lamps. Nobody can do that for us.  Then, during times when we’re required to give all we’ve got, we survive those storms without drowning—and needing to be rescued ourselves.  

“And see that all these things are done is wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.  And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.” Mosiah 4:27

It’s our job to discover how to be both healthy and diligent in serving, and it’s our responsibility to ensure our own needs are met. I believe the way to find balance is to ask, to seek, to knock. With the Holy Ghost to direct us, we will find a way to practice self-care while also reaching out to serve and bless those around us. Although we all have many of the same basic needs, we are each unique, with individual desires and time and energy constraints, depending on our current circumstances. I sometimes have a challenge not comparing my capacity to serve with anyone else’s. I keep reminding myself, if I listen to the Spirit, I will stay on track.

My self-care currently looks something like this:

• Spiritual feeding with scriptures, prayer, temple, etc.
• Healthy eating, exercise, water
• Quiet time, mediation and breathing exercises, sunshine
• Study and work on emotional health (i.e. counseling, journaling)
• Time developing/using talents

I feel God is pleased with me when I take care of myself.  I feel His love and that I am important to Him. I feel the Spirit more in my daily activities.  I’m discovering that it’s more loving to my family and others to take responsibility for meeting my own needs and having healthy boundaries, than to expect them to fulfill my needs and being resentful when that inevitably doesn’t happen.  I’m also finding that the healthier I become through self-care, the more open-hearted I am to those around me, and better able to diligently, joyfully serve them.