“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…to comfort all that mourn…to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

After receiving a stunning plant, with a blooming orchid, I thanked my dear friend for the thoughtful gift, and she replied, “I think beauty is a salve for a hurting heart.” I can attest to the truthfulness of this statement as we have received bounteous beauty, in response to the sorrowful time we experienced with my mom, and the sweet feelings of comfort they’ve provided.  Love and sympathy have been expressed with colorful, fragrant blooms of many varieties, a charming, personal work of art, poetic words and graceful artwork on cards, and the most beautiful and healing of all—loving, smiling faces, sometimes with a tear of sympathy in the eye.

As I’ve considered the abundant beauty all around me, and how it truly is a salve for my hurting heart, I’ve felt humbled and grateful, once again, for the wisdom and mercy of our Father in Heaven.  He has planned for everything.  There’s no surprises to Him, no last-minute contingencies. In the beginning He created this world: the plants and flowers, the streams and waterfalls, the beaches and mountains, the deserts and rainforests. He designed the bounty of fascinating creatures that roam the earth, from the amazing giraffe to the strong and graceful horse and every varied, interesting animal in the water, sky, and around the globe. He placed beauty everywhere the eye can see.

“Indeed, all truth, both spiritual and temporal, testifies of Him. When we learn to read the ‘signs, and wonders, and types, and shadows’ properly, with the eyes of faith, we will realize that all of history, all of science, all of nature, all divinely revealed knowledge of any sort, testifies of Him. He is the very personification of truth and light, of life and love, of beauty and goodness. All that He did was done out of love.” Alexander B. Morrison

Many times, I’ve relaxed on the sand of a favorite California beach, breathing deeply of the salty air, feeling the gentle breeze tousle my hair, hearing the rushing in and retreating of the cascading waves. It soothes my soul in a unique way, bringing me comfort and joy. When I can’t be there, I try to recreate that beauty, from my memory, visualizing all those calming, comforting sensations. It feels like a picture-perfect scene created just for me.

At home, clear blue skies and brilliant sunshine warm my body and soul, helping me feel God’s love and comfort. Cottony, white clouds blowing by, or orange and red sunsets, are awe-inspiring beauty, which humbles me and reminds me there’s a great and powerful God who lovingly provides all this for us to enjoy.  As I headed home from Utah yesterday, I was a little anxious about driving in the rain.  As we neared home, however, half of the sky was dark gray, rain clouds, while the other half was bright blue.  I excitedly told my son, “Look for the rainbow!” Soon he spied it—a magical double rainbow, full of ancient promise.

The temple, up on the hill, sparkling in the sunlight or glowing in the night, welcomes us with its beauty. Many exquisite flowers and plants, on the temple grounds, are lovingly tended, adding to its welcoming feeling. There is also manmade beauty, inspired by the Lord. Every intricate detail of our sacred temples is made gloriously in praise to our God, whose house it is.  Each lovely painting, elegant piece of furniture, delicate carving, and magnificent chandelier speak beauty, granting peace and reminding us to ponder the glory of God.

“As I think of temples, my thoughts turn to the many blessings we receive therein. As we enter through the doors of the temple, we leave behind us the distractions and confusion of the world. Inside this sacred sanctuary, we find beauty and order. There is rest for our souls and a respite from the cares of our lives.” Thomas S. Monson

I’m thankful for the Lord’s gifts of beauty all around us and the reminder they are of His love, power, and grace. He is able to change the clouds to sunshine, and sorrow to rejoicing. Only He can change our hearts and make us new.

“…No matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent, He has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that. There are so many of us who are thrashing around, as it were, with feelings of guilt, not knowing quite how to escape. You escape by accepting the Atonement of Christ, and all that was heartache can turn to beauty and love and eternity.” Boyd K. Packer

“God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.” Dale G. Renlund

I’m thankful for changing seasons:

• New, hopeful spring, with fragile life emerging everywhere we look, reminding us of the Lord’s resurrection and atonement
• Free, sunshine-filled, summer days, visiting and enjoying a more relaxed schedule along with the beauties of God’s creations
• Cool, autumn days, laced with family gatherings to celebrate gratitude and remembrance of the Savior’s birth
• Even cold, dark, winter days, cozy in a warm home, knowing that darker times are always followed by hopeful spring

This music video, Every Season by Kenneth Cope, expresses my feelings beautifully.

For me, each season is just long enough to bring a longing for what’s next.  At the outset, I’m excited for the change, for the new purpose, the feeling of having a clean slate, motivation to make changes in myself, course correct, get back on track. My goals always include healthier living and spiritual strengthening. The start of a new year is traditionally a time to look back on the previous year and set goals to improve, but I’m always totally drained from holidays, and a year is forever!  I’m thankful for the shorter, more manageable, intervals of time between seasons.

“I’m no saint—that is, unless you think a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.” Nelson Mandela

I optimistically approach summer thinking all those seasonal fruits and fresh salads will be my mainstay.  I forget the summer trips where it’s hard to stick to healthy stuff, especially when my psyche says, it’s vacation-live it up.  (Do you know how many Weight Watchers points there are in a “healthy” Tropical Smoothie? Some are nearly the same number of points as a piece of tuxedo cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory. Yikes!) At home, at dinner time, it’s 137 degrees in my Las Vegas kitchen and all I want to do is grab the ice cream and sit under the fan. Family members rise at different times and go with friends all hours of the day, making mealtime, and family scripture and prayer time, more challenging. However, summer does provide more time for the temple and personal study. This year I’m grateful for a summer full of love as I had the precious opportunity to visit all my children and grandchildren and spend time with cherished friends, as well.

We’ve just started back to school, after summer break. Now I’m thoroughly ready for a more regular routine.  I’m the kind of mom who likes schedules and routines. I’m also a morning person-an early morning person. If I don’t work out in the morning, forget it.  I simply can’t any other time of day. This is true for nearly everything. I burn out quickly as the emotional demands of life build throughout the day. It’s a herculean effort to make dinner, which is why we’ve always eaten around 5:30 pm. It’s also helpful for me to have dinner planned ahead for the week, because trying to think of what to fix at 4 pm leads to many reruns of tostadas, which is fine with me, but not always everyone else. When the kids were younger, we ate breakfast together, except for kids going to seminary, and did school in the morning. Little kids went to bed early and big kids had a curfew, which they hated, but it afforded me a measure of sanity and them some rest. Family scripture reading and prayer are much easier as part of the routine.

I’m already anticipating autumn, especially cooler weather after a Vegas summer. In a more obsessive/compulsive way, I’m also anxiously contemplating the holidays. The constant parade of delicious and indulgent, unhealthy foods, between Halloween and New Year, annihilates willpower and good intentions.  I have risen above it occasionally, but nobody likes you when you do. “What do you mean no fudge this year?” “It’s a holiday, you’re supposed to eat badly.” Guilt loves company, and people prefer you join them in the gorging instead of taking a loftier stance. Plus, it’s grueling—being on guard against the temptations lurking around every corner. Every year I set out with plans for self-care, moderation, and lower expectations; every year (so far) I fail. Exhaustion, from attempting to make happy holidays for loved ones, along with keeping the spirit and meaning of the holidays in the forefront, leaves little room for physical, mental, or spiritual exertion.

“Repentance is God’s ever-accessible gift that allows and enables us to go from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm. Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will.” Lynn G. Robbins

After the Fall Holidays, I’m yearning for more normal schedules and meal plans. There’s a quiet settling in for colder weather and shorter days. It seems a bit easier to eat hot, healthy soups and warm up my perpetually freezing body with exercise. Eventually Spring approaches, after a long stretch of cold weather and school without much break, and we are, along with most other moms and kids I know, ready for summer break.  No early morning seminary! No whining about homework. However, it’s not long before we have the opposite—sleeping too late and whining about nothing to do.  Humans are hard to please.

I’m often frustrated that I’m not able to keep up my momentum and fall short of my lofty goals.  I especially hate when I’m doing great on something, and it makes life so much better, and then I fall off the wagon, so to speak.  Eating well and exercising fall into this category.  I’m constantly confused and chagrined when I choose to eat badly, and therefore feel lousy, even after months of seeing the positive results of eating healthy.  I ask myself, why do I choose to feel drained and sick instead of energetic and well? It’s hard not to get down on myself when I make the same poor choices over and over, when I know better. But I keep trying. I’m thankful for the renewal of season’s change, and the chance to get back on track as many times as it takes.  Knowing my Savior will help me and never give up on me keeps me going. I don’t want to let Him down.  

“President Thomas S. Monson has taught, ‘One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.’ Even if we’ve been a conscious, deliberate sinner or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again, the Atonement of Christ can help us. And we need to remember that it is not the Holy Ghost that tells us we’re so far gone that we might as well give up.” Dale G. Renlund

“Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God.

“…We need women who know how to access the power that God makes available to covenant keepers and who express their beliefs with confidence and charity. We need women who have the courage and vision of our Mother Eve.” President Russell M. Nelson

This week, I began a new adventure working in the temple. Since I first went to the temple to be sealed, I’ve loved serving in the temple, and wanted to be an ordinance worker when I grew up.  The days leading up to my first day, things were rough for me and I could feel the opposition. I recognized it easily and simply pressed on, thinking, “Good, that means I’m on the right path.” As soon as I walked through the temple doors, I felt the weight of my cares lifted, and a feeling of gratitude, for this opportunity, overwhelmed me. The longer I was in the temple, the more I realized the amazing blessing of having one day a week in The House of Lord, focusing on what matters most. When I was introduced as the new kid, I was asked, unexpectedly, to tell about myself.  They already knew I was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My mind went completely blank; I had no idea what to say.  I sheepishly admitted that, and then honestly stated that I was just very happy to be in the temple with them that day, after which I rallied enough to share that I was the mother of seven and my youngest was 15 now, which allowed me more time to serve in the temple.  But I felt uncomfortable about that initial blank in my head as I thought about who I am now.

Of course, first and foremost, I’m a mom. That’s been the case for more than 30 years.  I identify with that part of myself easily and most often.  I’m also a gran (so fun!), a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I’m trying to come to terms with the idea that I have a purpose in life in addition to these familiar roles, and now that I’m no longer a wife. I’m trying to learn who Heavenly Father wants me to become in this stage of my life. Like a child, I’m trying out different avenues, talents, possibilities, and like a child, sometimes I’m excited, and other times I’m resistant and scared.

“Single adult sisters throughout the Church, I want you to know of my deep love and appreciation for you—for your goodness, for your faithfulness, for your desire to serve the Lord with all your heart…

“Always be improving yourself. Set personal achievement goals and stretch to accomplish them. Improve yourself physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually…Keep growing and learning and progressing and serving others.” President Ezra Taft Benson

I didn’t think I would journey through this stage of life as a single woman.  I may dance alone at my daughter’s wedding, but I’m still dancing. I’m determined to follow the straight course, even though occasionally I just sit down in the middle of the road and cry awhile. I always get back up. I’m truly thankful for so many strong and faithful women, both married and single, who are shining examples to me. Day by day, I’m finding my way, holding to the iron rod and trusting my testimony. As I search for direction amid the choices in my life now, and through change and uncertainty, my Anchor remains the same; I love and need my Savior every minute. Opportunities that draw me closer to Him are the only ones I’m interested in.

Several years after my husband chose to leave the church and his beliefs began to change, we had a painful discussion about the possibilities for us. He wanted me to be open to new beliefs, new ideas, new behaviors, outside the parameters of the church. Finally, I told him that I am one hundred percent dedicated to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and always will be.  I will keep my covenants. It’s not only what I believe, but who I am, and nothing will ever change that for me.

“It is common for us to pray for physical safety. However, I have come to pray even more fervently for the strength to live true to my covenants. This provides spiritual protection. Whether we live a long or short life upon this earth is of little consequence in the eternities. What really matters is how we live. Living the life of a covenant keeper is of highest value because keeping our covenants is the only way we can fulfill our eternal purpose.” Elder Donald L. Hallstrom

When I was 9 years old, a primary teacher began taking me to primary during the week. I loved it-especially the singing. My dad was a member of the church but hadn’t been involved in it since he was a boy, so church hadn’t been a part of our lives.  Soon the stake missionaries began teaching our family about the gospel.  During one discussion, one of the missionaries asked, “Who baptized Jesus?” Oh, I knew this! I had learned the Baptism song in primary and enthusiastically said, “Immersion!”  Well, the song says, “…and was baptized by immersion…”

After having the lessons, some time and repentance, and loving fellowship, my dad was able to baptize my mom, my older sister, and I. A year later our family was joyfully sealed in the Los Angeles temple. The change in our home was miraculous and beautiful.  We were closer and happier, and I loved everything I learned about my Savior and His church, restored in the Latter-Days by the prophet, Joseph Smith.  I’m eternally thankful for those stake missionaries, and I’ll never forget that amazing primary teacher who cared enough to pick me up in her blue VW bug every week.  Sadly, she died very young of cancer. Because of my experiences, and knowing what life with the gospel, and without it, looked like, I could never reject that precious gift or the loving Redeemer who makes it possible for me to be with my earthly family and my Heavenly family forever.

Although I have faith and hold to the truths I know, life mostly feels scary to me still and I am often overwhelmed.  A counselor asked me to tell her what I know for sure.  I replied, “I know that I am a daughter of God.” This knowledge has been reinforced over and over as I’ve felt the Holy Ghost witness to me that it’s true. We then discussed what else that means if I know that is true.

If I am a daughter of God, then…

I am loved;

Perfectly loved and cherished.

I am important;

I matter.

I am enough;

I don’t have to be perfect yet.

I am safe;  

He watches over me, stays with me.

This is who I am. This is what I know. Even with all my failings and quirks, I can explore the possibilities for my life now and in the future, with the guidance of the Spirit, and know that I am OK. I will always be safe because of the love of my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

“Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:35, 38-39