“Much that is good, much that is essential—even sometimes all that is necessary for now—can be achieved in less than ideal circumstances.” D. Todd Christofferson

The last month has been a difficult one. My sisters and I have faced some new challenges in the care of our mom.  Life can change so suddenly.  I was busy planning and preparing for our move, coming up in a few months, when I found myself needing to rearrange schedules, living spaces, and priorities to better watch over Mom. Sometimes life narrows down to a few necessities, and other interests and responsibilities have to be reorganized, delegated, or placed on the back burner for a time. During those times, it’s not easy to keep a clear perspective. We get tunnel vision; all we can see is what’s right in front of us, demanding our attention. Everything feels overwhelming, too much, more than our seemingly small capacity to handle. That’s when we need to ask the Lord to show us the bigger picture and let Him light our way in the darkness.

“All of us, at times in our lives, are completely overwhelmed by our life circumstance or by what we’re asked to do…as we’re consistent in doing the small and simple things, and as we’re trying to seek revelation and going through that work and that process, as we rely on Jesus Christ and His Grace…we will be made equal to those things that we’re being asked to do.” Michelle Craig

This morning, I opened my 2019 calendar and wrote down some of the highlights of the year. After this last month, I’ve found myself feeling like I’d had a rather hard year, but after going over my calendar, I was amazed at the stunning array of blessings and milestones I’d enjoyed (and survived) this year. In a moment, my perspective widened, and I was reminded that seasons change, life surprises us, and through it all, the Lord walks beside us and makes it all for our good.

2019 was filled with love from friends. One cherished friend set aside time to call every week to check in and share the week’s victories and vexations. While we spoke of family and faith, with tears both of heartbreak and laughter, we shouldered the weight of one another’s burdens and they became lighter. One Saturday morning, I was chauffeured to breakfast by loving friends, ministering to me and listening with open hearts. I enjoyed a fabulous girls’ weekend eating healthy food, talking, playing, and strengthening our spirits, with three wonderful, wise ladies. I spent time in the living room of a dear friend, a wonderful listener, who lifted me with her tender care. There have been countless texts, encouraging messages, hugs at church, Facebook comments of support and love, and even packages mailed, throughout the year, from friends who add sweetness to my life.

The year was also blessed by family time.  I spent time with every one of my children and grandchildren multiple times this year. I visited their homes, celebrated a baptism, offered and received help and comfort, shared hotel rooms and meals, received Priesthood blessings, squashed into cars for outings, welcomed them to bring noise, messes, and laughter to my home, went on temple trips, and met new loves.  I had a laughter-filled, many-times-postponed, sister trip, and was thrilled that both my daughter and my sister moved close to me again.

There were some epic milestones for me in 2019. I started my blog and wrote every single week the entire year. I successfully planned and executed my first long-anticipated, fondly-remembered DisneyWorld excursion with my youngest daughter, complete with Harry Potter World (after she read me the entire series), all four Disney parks, and an Orlando Airport debacle. I sold my well-loved, big, family home and purchased a new, smaller home not far away. I survived my youngest daughter’s ten days away with friends and her driving permit and lessons, including rush hour on Jones Boulevard. I achieved 100% debt-freeness! I fulfilled a dream, becoming a temple ordinance worker, which is even better than I imagined.

This year, my Christmas present, from my thoughtful children, was a big jar filled with slips of paper with happy or funny thoughts, memories, and pictures of my children and grands printed on them.  I’m supposed to pull one out each day for a smile. I cheat. Of course, I do! No way can I wait a whole year to open them all, plus I love reading them over and over. This precious gift is another reminder that, although life may become challenging, there is incredible love, light, and laughter too. The rough patches in life tend to hijack our thoughts, causing us to lose perspective; however, when we take the opportunity to see the bigger picture, blessings are everywhere, and love is abundant. Knowing I’m here to learn and grow, I cling to my covenants and cherished promises, trusting the Lord with my life and the lives of those I love.

“With an understanding of God’s plan of salvation, we know that the rejoicing, the striving, the suffering, the tutoring, and the enduring experiences of life all play their part in an intelligible process of helping us, if we will, to become, as the Savior beckoningly invited, ‘even as I am.’” Neal A. Maxwell

The greatest example of God’s love for His children is found in the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I’m the kind of mom who asks my kids to eat before going somewhere, take water with them, check the weather in case they need a sweatshirt, get to bed at a decent hour, text when they get where they’re going, come in and say goodnight when they get home, etc.  Generally, they don’t appreciate this. They don’t see the love behind it.  I love them enough to ask them to take care of themselves and to let me know they’re safe. It seems simple and clear to me, but from their vantage point, not so much. Evidently, it can be annoying to be loved.

Because of these mom feelings, it’s easy for me to see that giving us commandments is one way our Heavenly Father shows His love.  He wants us to be safe. He sees the pitfalls and is helping us avoid them. I’ve always felt the love in His words of counsel and warning, but I know I miss them, sometimes, in other important ways. I have to look for the love, really search for it, in the hard things, but it’s always there. When I make the effort to look, I find it.

Last week was a hard one for me.  My youngest daughter was out of town for the week.  That’s not my favorite because I miss her, and I worry about her.  Don’t tell me all the reasons I shouldn’t; I never claimed to be rational.  She’s my sunshine and when she’s gone, it’s dark.  Hopefully, I get points here, because I let her go, even though I don’t want to. I do try to act rationally, even though I don’t always think rationally. (Patting myself on the back here and saying, “It’s okay.  You’re trying.”)

I had a much-anticipated trip with friends on my calendar near the end of the week, but that seemed eons away.  After a couple of long, sad days, I decided a change of scenery was needed. I headed out to visit another light in my life, a daughter about 6 hours away. It was a struggle. I had trouble shaking the gloom.  To be honest, it’s been dogging me lately. Thankfully, sunshine returned during the laughter-filled time with my sweet daughter.  Hugs, and a meal made by her and hubby, lifted my heart. That short visit was a treasure. I felt the love: the love of my daughter, and the love of my Heavenly Father. What a blessing that He gave me precious children, each of whom bring light and joy into my life. I feel His love through my children.  I know how much I love them—too much to express, sometimes so much it’s hard to bear—and I know His love is even greater. It’s more pure, more complete, more selfless, more knowing.  Just more.  I rely on it, and it never fails.

“Our Heavenly Father’s plan contains the ultimate expressions of true love. All that we hold dear—even our families, our friends, our joy, our knowledge, our testimonies—would vanish were it not for our Father and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. … The world has witnessed no greater gift, nor has it known more lasting love.” Thomas S. Monson

When I met up with my dear friends on Thursday, it felt like Disneyland, as a kid. Finally! It’s here. Laughter, hugs, talking, more hugs, more talking, some tears, more laughter, repeat. Fun!  (Remember fun?)  Why do we need friends—dear, unbiased, empathetic, non-related, uplifting, funny, wise, serious, food-loving, accepting friends—so much? They help us let go and take ourselves less seriously. They listen and validate us when it’s serious and needs tender care. They feed and nurture us, both physically and spiritually, and carry our burdens with us. They honestly and quietly say, “Me too.”  They remind us we matter, no matter what. Their time and love proclaim, “Heavenly Father loves you.”

This trip with friends is a miracle to me. I lived in Vegas for 10 years, moved to Utah for three, then back to Vegas (same house, same ward, same everything) for more than 10 now.  After 20 years here, there are many dear, supportive friends who bless my life daily, including my sweet and funny sisters who both live here.  What’s amazing, also, is that during that short little blip in Utah, I met beautiful, loving sisters Heavenly Father knew I needed to meet. I worked in callings with women who helped and strengthened me, becoming cherished friends and wise counselors. I met an amazing sister who would later go through a divorce the same time I did, texting every day, sometimes every hour, holding my hand, so to speak, to get me through. These friends have been angels to me.

During the three years we lived in Utah, my husband left the church, and my life changed, and would keep changing, in ways I never imagined. God wasn’t surprised.  He’s never surprised.  He “knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” He lovingly made all the plans, laid the groundwork, and blessed me with everything I’d need to get through the coming storms. He is my anchor, and He provided life preservers, as well.

As I sat in the temple, surrounded by these three, long-distance, treasured friends, I felt the love of my Father in Heaven surrounding me. Knowing and loving these ladies, when I needed it many years ago, and when I need it, right now, is a miracle to me—nothing less than a miracle—provided by a loving Father. How humbling. How beautiful.  How kind. He truly loves me! And I love Him.

“Because thy lovingkindess is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.” Psalm 63:3