“Fear, which can come upon people in difficult days, is a principal weapon in the arsenal which Satan uses to make mankind unhappy. He who fears loses strength for the combat of life in the fight against evil. Therefore the power of the evil one always tries to generate fear in human hearts. In every age and in every era, mankind has faced fear.” Howard W. Hunter

It seems to me that most people have their “thorn in the side” weaknesses, which they work on throughout their lives with seemingly little success in the overcoming department. One of my “thorns” is fear, a familiar nemesis. Though fear is a blessing and protection provided by our Creator to help keep us safe, when it becomes an indulgence, it can be a great source of pain and an impediment to progress. My brain automatically thinks first of all the things that could go wrong, in any given situation. It worries. Overthinks. This can actually be good in the problem-solving arena; I agonizingly work through all the issues, and often come up with a good plan, but it’s exhausting for me and usually annoying for everyone around me.

Those of us who experience anxiety and fear may do things others feel are irrational or stupid, in our quest to find comfort of some kind. It would be loving (and greatly appreciated) to refrain from judging or belittling others’ coping mechanisms, strange as they may seem. Hoarding, crying, cleaning, panicking, hiding, binge-watching tv, eating (uggggg eating), and many other coping behaviors, healthy or not, are most likely the best we can do at that moment. Messages of love and support, or offers of help, go a long way towards stabilizing, while harsh judgment and mockery increase the pain and fear.

“Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.

“Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me;” Doctrine and Covenants 50:40-41 

I’ve pondered, many times, the account in the scriptures of Peter walking on the water with the Lord.  I fully relate to Peter’s faith and joy in successfully moving toward Jesus, only to be overtaken by fear of the tumultuous waves so near.  I love knowing that although the Lord chides Peter, “Wherefore didst thou doubt?” He, nevertheless, immediately, lovingly reaches down and lifts him up, always loving, always patient.

“God knows that you are not perfect, that you will fail at times.  God loves you no less when you struggle than when you triumph.” Deiter F. Uchtdorf

This week, as the messages poured in from the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints with instructions about not gathering as members, and the news carried moment-by-moment information of closures and spreading of COVID-19, my heart began to increase in fear and anxiety.  My head started to spin.  I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I felt disoriented, increasingly alone, and helpless.  Then I received a text from my bishop asking ward members to please reach out to our ministering families and check on them.  As I began texting those I minister to, my heart immediately calmed. I was focused entirely on loving them, seeing to their comfort and safety. I recognized the dramatic difference and made a mental note: this is how to use this situation to become more like the Savior.  Everything we experience in this life is for that purpose, after all.

“…remember the words of John: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” If we simply love God and love our neighbors, we are promised that we will overcome our fears.” L. Tom Perry

I’m prepared, I don’t need to fear, and I can help those who may not be prepared or have a firm foundation in Christ.  Times of crisis often soften and open hearts.  I want to “be ready always to give an answer” for the hope I feel and to share what helps me be calm, and even happy, during such difficult times. Over the last couple of days, studying the scriptures, doing topical guide searches, such as fear, hope, and peace, writing my blog, reaching out to friends and neighbors, looking for ways to make church fulfilling for my daughter and I, preparing healthy meals, and video chatting with my grandson, who was sad about cancelled skateboarding lessons, all brought light and happy feelings, completely opposite of the heavy, dark feelings of fear.

“Faith, hope, and charity—these three great pillars of the gospel are the great antidote to confusion, doubt, and fear. As you deepen your commitment to these principles and practices, you will feel the Lord’s Spirit in your life, and you will begin to feel your load lighten. Your life will become much happier as you seek to lift the spirits of those around you.” Mark D. Ogletree

In our current world situation, crisis even, most people have a measure of fear.  Satan wants to use this to isolate us.  What’s more isolating, than self-isolation?  Yes, we’re pulling away from physical interaction with others to help keep more people safe, but there are still hundreds of ways to reach out and increase the feelings of community and solidarity, even in our physical isolation. We’re blessed with something those who suffered during previous ages didn’t have—technology, which allows us not only to talk and text, but to see each other and even virtually gather.  

“The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89.  Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost.” For the Strength of Youth

When my dad died, over 5 years ago, my mom, whose health has ups and downs, came to live with our family.  My husband was kind and helpful to Mom, and we were thankful to be able to make a home for her.  She’s a clever and witty person, and enjoys the visits of grandkids and great grands, who love seeing “GG” and exploring the little trinkets and treats in her room. After my husband left, I keenly felt the responsibility of taking care of Mom and my teenage daughter, along with everything in our household, by myself. Knowing I needed to be strong and healthy in order to carry it, I determined I would do all I could to take care of my body and health so that I could be there for the people I love.

I’ve struggled with unhealthy eating habits, like emotional eating and bingeing, for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I turned to food for comfort and fun, which has continued throughout my life. I constantly work on changing those habits and have enjoyed periods of success and control over that weakness, but during times of difficulty or exhaustion, it’s almost impossible to find the time and physical or emotional energy to work on that aspect of my life. Feeding ourselves well takes time—time to plan, shop, and prepare healthy food.  Energy, too, makes it tough. We live in a go, go, go world, which takes its toll on the energy we have left to do the little stuff, like feed ourselves! The irony here is, of course, that fuel equals energy, and we often put poor gas in the tank, and wonder why we barely sputter along.

“The condition of the physical body can affect the spirit. That’s why the Lord gave us the Word of Wisdom. He also said that we should retire to our beds early and arise early, that we should not run faster than we have strength, and that we should use moderation in all good things. In general, the more food we eat in its natural state and the less it is refined, without additives, the healthier it will be for us. Food can affect the mind, and deficiencies in certain elements in the body can promote mental depression…Rest and physical exercise are essential, and a walk in the fresh air can refresh the spirit.” Ezra Taft Benson

The Word of Wisdom, a health law, revealed to a prophet in the latter-days, tells us the best foods, for the bodies God created for us, are plant foods, especially vegetables, fruits, and grains. Science and public opinion are constantly changing in regard to which foods are good for us, but everyone can agree that fresh vegetables and fruits, in their season, are the very best options. Over the years, I’ve gotten better and better at preparing and enjoying a variety of veggies. There’s a plethora of great blogs and recipes accessible now—complete with ratings (I loathe spending time and effort to make a recipe that’s a flop). Eating vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats has healed my stomach issues and helped me keep my weight at a healthy place. When I venture out of that zone, as my human nature always tempts me to do, I immediately feel and see the negative results. My health journey hasn’t been a steady pattern of success; it’s been more like two steps forward and one step back, with an occasional leap off a cliff and slow climb back to the top. Though at times, I sit down in the middle of the road to have a good cry, I never give up. Each year I learn and do a bit better than the year before, overall.  I forgive myself for the backward steps and keep going. I can honestly say, after 40 years of working on this, my weakness in this area has gradually begun to be a strength for me.

I’ve been fairly consistent with exercise throughout my life, even with pregnancies and weight struggles. I enjoy exercising and need the mental health benefits it provides. I feel a sense of strength and accomplishment when I take the time, even if it’s only for half an hour on busy days, to move my body and breathe deeply. Years ago, I spent many mornings working out with little children joining me, and those memories are funny and sweet. When we first started homeschooling, I had jump ropes, STEPs, and weights, and the kids and I did little interval training circuits.  The first floor of our large house had an open layout where we could jog, hop, and skip all around the family room, living room, and through the kitchen in a giant circle.  We’ve had treadmills, stationary bikes, and ellipticals throughout the years, and now I enjoy a simplified, old-lady yoga in addition to low-impact workouts and strength training.

Me and my baby in 2004 and 2018.  

When I decided any effort was worth improving my health and strength, for my family and for myself, I learned to heal my body with simple, healthy food, moderate exercise, sunshine, proper rest and sleep patterns, and choosing a simpler lifestyle to alleviate stress. Elder L. Tom Perry taught, “In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives.” I’ve been blessed by making these changes, which make me better able to hold up under the unexpected fluctuations and challenges that are a part of life and to serve those around me. I hear and feel the still, small Voice more clearly in a healthy body with fewer chemicals, cravings, and confusion jamming my reception. Though I’m far from perfect at it, taking care of my body, making it a priority, and treating it like the sacred temple it is, have strengthened my testimony and reverence for the gift of life and the resurrection, both made possible through our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ.

 “Spiritual communication can be enhanced by good health practices. Exercise, reasonable amounts of sleep, and good eating habits increase our capacity to receive and understand revelation. We will live for our appointed life span. However, we can improve both the quality of our service and our well-being by making careful, appropriate choices.” Richard G. Scott

When I was in Jr. High, a mean girl made fun of my pants.  They were stretchy pants, similar to today’s yoga pants, but polyester (it was the 70’s, people), and evidently mock worthy. I had always been sensitive about being a little chubby (not sure why, because I was an average sized kid), but after the stretchy pants incident, I was devastated and more self-conscious about my body. When I look at pictures from high school, I’m surprised how thin I look. I was on the tennis team freshman year, and we worked out hard during practices.  At the time, I thought I was overweight.

Fortunately, I like working out.  Always have.  It feels great and makes my brain happier. Unfortunately, I also have some eating issues, like eating for comfort and bingeing. When I was a kid, we had snacks and goodies around, like Hostess Ding-Dongs or Twinkies, chips and dip, and crackers and cheese. There was always ice cream in the freezer, too, because Dad was a fan. I used to sneak food.  I wanted more. Once I got called out for eating a little bit off the top of the yogurt cups and smoothing it over to look like new.  (I guess that was before the peel-off plastic under the lid.) There was a jar on the upstairs hall counter where Dad dumped all his change. I raided that regularly for the ice cream truck.  My favorite was a snow cone. Mom and Dad both worked, so my older sister and I were home alone for a couple of hours after school, and longer in the summertime. I ate when I was lonely or sad or bored. I ate with friends–it was exciting to go to their houses and see what scrumptious stuff they had.  Every fun occasion included loads of food: parties, birthdays, church activities, holidays, vacations, and school events.

In that era, food awareness wasn’t front and center like it is now. We enjoyed French fries and shakes without trauma. (Ahhh, those were the days.) When I was old enough to drive and made my own money, I ate whatever I wanted and started bingeing occasionally.  I didn’t gain weight, because of a teenage metabolism and lots of activity, but I had shame about being secretive and not stopping when I knew I should.  As I studied health in high school and college, I learned more about eating disorders, and recognized some of those behaviors and thoughts in myself. Studying also caused me to start judging foods (and therefore myself) as “good” or “bad,” which increased my guilt and shame and unhealthy relationship with food.

Gradually, I developed the all-or-nothing mindset.  I had periods of time when I was “perfect” and ate healthy, worked out, and lost weight. I felt great about myself! Then I went on a trip, or a holiday came around, and I got off track, blew it, and went completely nuts, eating everything I had denied myself while being perfect, and abandoning all forms of exercise.  I had many “last suppers” and “starting over” Mondays. I gained and lost weight over and over, while gradually becoming heavier and heavier.  I let food choices and weight determine if I felt fabulous and strong or disgusting and weak.

I still struggle with this 30 years later. I spent one year eating strictly veggies, fruits, healthy fats, and whole grains, to overcome some health issues and lose excess weight. Currently, I am trying to relax the stringency of my eating, to enjoy some flexibility and freedom, while still staying on a healthy path. I am struggling with it! I find myself judging and doing the all-or-nothing mind game. If I go out for frozen yogurt with a friend, does that mean I ditch the gym and eat everything in sight for the rest of the day, week, or month (because starting over on Thursday, May 18th, is ridiculous)? What if, instead, I thoroughly enjoy an occasional treat, don’t judge myself or the food, and then eat well the rest of the day, and the next day, and the next. I’d never have to start over!

The all-or-nothing mindset oozes into other aspects of our lives.  Satan loves this mindset.  It works fabulously for him, because we can’t be perfect.  He will always win, eventually.  If I spend an hour mindlessly playing a game on my phone, when I promised myself I wouldn’t, does that mean I should just play the rest of the day and start over tomorrow, or Monday, or June 1st? If my goal is to exercise five days each week and I get to Thursday and have only done it once, should I forget it until Monday because I can’t reach my goal of five?  What about Thursday, Friday, and Saturday? Two, three, or four doesn’t meet the goal, but it’s better than one! If I can’t serve every single person who needs my help, should I give up and serve nobody?  All-or-nothing thinking defeats us.  Accepting that we are human, and imperfect, that we’ll mess up and let ourselves down and not reach every goal, helps us gradually improve, grow, and reach our potential. Remembering that Jesus makes it possible for us to become perfect, through His grace, gives us comfort when we fall short of our expectations and hopes for ourselves. 

Perhaps you’ve read the story of the young boy who enters a race.  His dad is there on the sidelines, to cheer him on. At the starting gate, the boy surges into the front, but loses his footing and falls.  He looks to the side and sees his dad, encouraging him to get up and get back in the race.  He leaps to his feet and runs for all he’s worth, soon stumbles again, and hits the ground hard.  By now the other runners have a significant lead, but his dad is on his feet yelling, “You can do it! Get up!” so he pulls himself up and gathers speed.  Once again, he trips and goes down.  He’s devastated.  He knows he’ll never catch up.  He turns his head and there’s his dad, smiling, jumping, cheering him on to finish the race.  With his head hanging, the boy slowly stands and starts walking.  As he does, the crowd begins to clap, stomp their feet, and shout that he can do it.  Smiling, he picks up his pace and holds his head up high as he crosses the finish line, with a roar from the whole crowd, and throws himself into the arms of his proud and loving father.  

We can be like this dad, encouraging and cheering on others when they lose their footing and, even more difficult, ourselves, when we stumble and fall. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can fall and get back up as many times as we need to.  Don’t give up. Press on. A winning race is run with steady and sustained progress, enduring to the end. We can be certain both the first and the last runner will be embraced at the finish line.

“Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and all men.  Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the words of Christ, and endure to the end, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” 2 Nephi 31:20