Christmastime.  What a mix of feelings are evoked by this word, this idea, this time of year. As the mother of seven wonderful children, I admit to some anxiety triggers about Christmastime. I loved making Christmas special and exciting for the children, but it was…strenuous. Most of all, I wanted my children to know about Jesus, wanted them to know Jesus. Now, with my youngest turning 16, Christmastime is different, but I still want the same thing for myself and my children; I want it to be about the peace and joy only the Savior can bring.

“This is a wonderful time of the year. It may not be perfect. But if Christmas can point our hearts toward our Savior, we can rejoice even in the imperfections of the season. Brothers and sisters, dear friends, may we always remember to bring gifts to Him who has given His all for us. May we always remember and be grateful that in the birth of that Child, the universe rejoiced. And may each Christmas season remind us to lift up our voices and fill our hearts with joy and gratitude that Christ the King has come! Christ lives! He is real. He is our Redeemer at Christmas and always. Of this I bear solemn witness.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Five of my children were born near Christmastime. The joy of Christ’s birth was never more real, experienced so personally, as it was during those years when I cradled my own precious infant, by the light of the Christmas tree, pondering what it might have been like for Mary, sweet Mary, the mother of Jesus. A first baby is thrilling and frightening and miraculous. Mary’s experience would have been a million times more miraculous and awe-inspiring because of what she knew—that finally, wonderfully, after all the prophesies, the waiting, the hopes and fears of all the years, she was going to bring the Savior, God’s own Son, into the world.  Though the journey to Bethlehem must have been painfully difficult, and the stable-type setting was a humble, lowly place for a baby to be born, it might also have been a blessedly quiet, secluded place away from the human noise and commotion going on all around the city. With the assurance of the ever-faithful Joseph keeping watch, surely there was a peace and joy so intense, the setting was forgotten as the precious baby boy was born and cradled in his mother’s tender, welcoming arms.

I’ve imagined the shepherds’ amazing experience. These were humble, hard workers. They were simple, faithful people doing their job, trying to keep the little ones from wandering or getting hurt, always keeping watch. I relate to that job description. They knew the prophecies. They hoped and waited. They believed. What a thrilling reward they received for their faithful hope and belief!  I feel, right along with them, the wonder and awe of the angel’s “good tidings of great joy” that “born this day…[is] a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.” I want to sing out with the multitude of heavenly host saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” I understand their urgency, as they made haste to go and see the precious, holy babe, and then shared the miraculous news.  Joy, joy, joy.

Then there were the wise men from the east, whose perseverance and faith are inspiring. They searched for a long time! They must’ve faced many hardships on their journey. I find convenient, modern traveling exhausting and wonder how they kept going. Did they stop to serve others along the way, like some stories depict? Did they ever doubt, wondering if they would find Him? Even if they had doubts or felt discouraged, they never gave up. They kept their eye on the star—the symbol of Christ’s arrival. They were sustained by their hope, their faith, and their desire to worship, to give something to Him. I can identify with these men. There are times when my road, my journey is long and hard, and I want to get off the camel, but I keep my eye on my Jesus. I search, hope, mourn, struggle, and rejoice along the way. Finding the Savior is a lifelong journey of love and hope and discovery. I want to be wise. I want to keep going. I want to worship and give something—my heart, my will, my small gifts of service—to Him, too.

“I believe that each of us can re-create that familiar scene in Bethlehem in our own lives. We can have a star to follow just as the Wise Men did. ‘Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.’ The scriptures can light our way, and our testimonies can be a light from within. The voices of angels can be the voices of our beloved prophet and His servants. We can kneel at the feet of our Savior just as literally as the shepherds and the Wise Men, but we do it in prayer. The gifts we bring are our talents. We can shout “Hosanna” like that angelic choir and spread the good news by bearing our testimonies. By works of righteousness, we can come unto Him each day of our lives just as if we had trod in our sandaled feet the rocky path to Bethlehem, holding a staff or bearing gifts.” Betty Jo N. Jepsen

These sweet thoughts are the ones I hold on to during this season, when often my heart is sorrowing, missing the childish squeals of joy and sticky hugs and kisses of days gone by, aching at the loss of hoped-for dreams, and longing for a glimpse of a tender smile from a loved-one no longer here or one who is aging and hurting.  I know my Savior makes room for my grief as I make room for His love and light. Christmastime is still a light-filled, music-ringing, hopeful reminder of the incomparable gift of knowing Jesus. He lived, selflessly and perfectly, died, heroically and sacrificially, and everlastingly overcame death, through the resurrection. No sorrow, loss, or pain can overshadow the joy of His atonement and love for each of us. He lives and will come again. The good news is still true. Hallelujah and joy to the world!

“The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families.” Gordon B Hinckley

As I spent precious time with a few of my adult children, and my youngest daughter, this week, the phrase “joy in my posterity” came to my mind frequently. Every mother knows no matter what heartache or pain we suffer because of our love for our children, the joy they bring us outweighs it all. Last week I wrote about opposition, and in parenting, it’s unmistakable. Indeed, our hearts are so tied to our children, and their children—our posterity—that we often wonder if we will survive the sad parts, until those precious moments with them when we’re blessed with sublime joy.

The world we live in now rarely honors motherhood.  When we have large families, we’re not commended and revered, but most often, are mocked and persecuted. As the mother of seven, I’ve heard more rude comments than I care to share. Sadly, sometimes even within the close circle of family and friends, I’ve faced judgement and negativity about welcoming children—precious spirits—into my body, my heart, my home. That hurt, I’m not going to deny it, but I always knew each one of my children was a treasure sent to me by a loving Father in Heaven and welcomed them with all my heart. Even then, however, having seven children wasn’t easy; sometimes only the grace of my Savior got me through difficult and painful times. When I didn’t think I could carry the weight of responsibility for all these priceless souls, when I felt I was failing them and I wasn’t enough, Heavenly Father would provide a heavenly, joyful moment, whose beauty lifted me above my worldly cares and reminded me that eternity is what it’s all about.

“The greatest mission of woman is to give life, earth-life, through honorable marriage, to the waiting spirits, our Father’s spirit children who anxiously desire to come to dwell here in this mortal state. All the honor and glory that can come to men or women by the development of their talents, the homage and the praise they may receive from an applauding world, worshipping at their shrine of genius, is but a dim thing whose luster shall fade in comparison to the high honor, the eternal glory, the ever-enduring happiness that shall come to the woman who fulfills the first great duty and mission that devolves upon her to become the mother of the sons and daughters of God.” Melvin J. Ballard

In a birthday letter to my amazing daughter, I shared with her how much seeing her valiant efforts to do what’s right and to care for her young and growing family, blesses me to recognize my own similar efforts, many years ago, and helps me see myself in the loving, admiring way I see her. Her willingness to have children, even when it’s astonishingly difficult, and despite worldly criticism, humbles me and brings me such joy, through wonderful grandchildren who light up my life.

Most of the truly joyful moments in my life have been because of my children—feeling new life stirring inside me for the first time, holding them in my arms when they’re born, hearing them say, “I love you, Mom.” With most of my children now grown, I’m blessed with joy as I watch my youngest daughter sing her heart out, attend the temple for baptisms, and (even though she’s almost all grown up) sit and snuggle with her mom. I cherish tender, happy moments with my children, at graduations, marriages, and births of babies. I’ve even felt joy during the heartbreaking moments, because we were bearing those burdens together.

“The Savior taught that we should not lay up treasures on earth but should lay up treasures in heaven. In light of the ultimate purpose of the great plan of happiness, I believe that the ultimate treasures on earth and in heaven are our children and our posterity.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks

This Thanksgiving week was filled with joyful family time. One evening, several of my children were home with me, around the table, laughing, telling stories, and playing games. Long after dinner was over, we lingered, feeling happy and blessed to be together. We also enjoyed an outing, riding in the car, visiting, remembering, sharing, and laughing. One afternoon, I joyfully sat and listened to my son play the piano, feeling a tender, powerful connection with him as he shared his soul with his passion and talent for music.  I also had the opportunity to talk, heart-to-heart, with this same man—this once small boy of mine—as he comforted me and gave me a Priesthood blessing.

My children continue to bring me joy, comfort, strength, and treasured friendship.  They are my favorite humans—interesting, intelligent, sensitive, courageous, strong, funny people. They’ve taught me, and continue to teach me every single day, about our gifts of individuality and uniqueness as children of God. This week we made memories I’ll always cherish. Perhaps memories are one of the most powerful ways we feel the joy of our posterity; when they can’t be with us all the time, we replay those moments and relive the joy, until the sweet time we are together again, adding to our store of precious family memories.

“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: … Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. …” Psalms 127:3, 5

“It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, … righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.” 2 Nephi 2:11

Here in the desert, we’ve had some beautiful, warm, sunny days in November.  This week, the weather finally turned cold and rainy, and immediately I longed for warmth and sun again.  I’m always freezing. I love to sit out in the sun and feel it soak into my skin. The seat warmers (fabulous invention) in my car make early morning seminary drives bearable. Sometimes, I literally cannot get warm. Last year for my birthday, my kids gave me a Bedjet. If you’ve never heard of this amazing device, it’s a heater, with a sort of blow-dryer attachment, that you put between your fitted sheet and the rest of your covers. When you turn it on, it shoots billows of hot air into your bed, warming the sheets, and toasting your frozen feet. Seriously the best gift I ever received. For me, heat and cold are a vivid example of opposition.

We often think of opposition as a negative thing.  Whenever I have a powerful spiritual experience, I know serious opposition will follow. Super predictable. Likewise, however, when life seems to be bombing me with difficulties, I always have hope that the good stuff is there, too.  Often, in the midst of painful situations, I have to concentrate, open my eyes, and search a little, to recognize the blessings, but other times they pour down in torrents, so that I can hardly take them all in.

I suffered with prenatal depression, which sometimes continued after my babies were born. Life was just difficult and overwhelming to me during those times. Everything seemed too much. Too sad. Too scary. I gave everything I had to keep going, keep being a good mom, keep attending church, keep it together. After the birth of one of my children, the heaviness lingered especially long. I couldn’t remember, during that time, the feeling of joy. I wondered if I’d ever feel it again. I adored that precious baby. He was the sweet amid the bitter; holding him close brought me needed comfort and helped me know life was still good and beautiful. After many months, I remember feeling a moment of pure, brilliant joy. It was so unexpected; the power and beauty took my breath away.  In that moment, I understood better than I ever had, the gift of opposition. Without that darkness, I never could have appreciated the joy in the same way.

I love this picture of my daughter with her baby.  But the next one is what happened right after, when he spit up on her. The perfect illustrations of opposition. Still makes me laugh. 

“And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet.” D&C 29:39

“…It is opposition that enables choice and it is the opportunity of making the right choices that leads to the growth that is the purpose of the Father’s plan.” Dallin H Oaks

I’ve made many mistakes in my life; I’ve failed, sinned, and hurt others. My deepest feelings of despair have come from regrets for poor choices and wishing, with all my heart, that I could take back what I’d done or said. On the other side of that agonizing coin, the sweetest, most joyful moments have come after such pain and regret, when I have repented and felt, so intimately and powerfully, the purifying and healing made possible by the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ. At those times, I felt like Alma, who said, “My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity.  I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvelous light of God.  My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.” (Mosiah 27:29)

Adam and Eve recognized the gift of opposition. They expressed their gratitude for the blessings that came as a result of the Fall:

“Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

“And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.” Moses 5:10-11

Like Eve, sorrow for my own transgressions has increased the joy of my redemption, and my gratitude for The One who makes it possible. Though I’m often annoyed by the opposition I face, seemingly everywhere I turn these days, I’m grateful I can feel both sorrow and joy and learn from my own experience in choosing good or evil. I’m thankful for the sun after dark and cloudy days, children’s squeals and chatter after stretches of somber quiet, salty ocean breezes after dry dessert landscapes, peaceful calm after turmoil, and tight hugs after lonely separations. 

“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever…I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” John 14: 16, 18

When my kids were younger, I remember a movie we watched in the 90’s where the father, a therapist, wrote two books, Feel your feelings and Feel Your Feelings, Again. He repeated that phrase a ton (in a super annoying way) and it made me laugh and stuck with me. In reality, it’s not always easy to feel our feelings.  Many feelings are as uncomfortable and unwelcome as dental work, and we’d just as soon ignore them; however, most of us have likely learned, through rude experience, that to avoid either one increases future suffering.

Learning to accept, and even welcome, all the feelings of our hearts takes practice and patience. Each emotion is there to teach us, if we’ll let it. We never have to go through painful experiences alone; there is always help from above when we need it. I have felt the comfort and companionship of the Holy Ghost during times of deepest sorrow, and I know it’s His Spirit who fills my heart with peace and joy, even in times of sadness. As I sat yesterday feeling some painful emotions, I closed my eyes and pictured myself sitting on the beach, listening to the waves rush in and out, feeling the salty breeze on my face.  I saw myself sitting on a blanket on the sand, and Jesus coming to sit beside me. He didn’t speak, just sat close as we gazed at the ocean, letting me know He was right there, He understands, He’s got it all covered and it will be okay.

“While you are going through your trial, you can recall your past victories and count the blessings that you do have with a sure hope of greater ones to follow if you are faithful. And you can have that certain knowledge that in due time God will wipe away all tears and that ‘eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.’” Ezra Taft Benson

Our feelings have an enormous range of intensity and scope. The phenomenon I find interesting is that we can feel several emotions, sometimes even opposite ones, seemingly simultaneously. Richard G. Scott said, “Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing.” I experienced this when I was going through family pictures this week, smiling and crying at the same time. There was such sweet happiness in the memories, along with a heartbreaking sadness for the loss of those precious moments and/or people. I would never give up the wonderful joy of those moments because they would later make my heart ache.

In a similar way, everyone has a hideously embarrassing or upsetting story which, told later, is a family treasure and source of great hilarity. I’ll share one of our family stories that has gone down in history. This is how I remember it…today. During a family gathering, my sisters and niece were visiting.  Our three girls, somewhere in their teens, were downstairs making up the couch bed (sleeper sofa, if you prefer), and the adults, consisting of me (holding a baby), my husband, and my two sisters, were upstairs chatting.  Suddenly we heard the most horrific metal clattering, then hysterical screaming. We all panicked, sure that the couch bed had collapsed and someone was crushed or had severed an appendage. I was frozen, terrified, squeezing the baby and yelling to my husband, who was already up and sprinting toward the stairs. My sister, a bit quicker on the uptake, had gotten there first, so he sort-of shoved her out of the way and took most of the stairway in a single bound. What did we all find when the smoke had cleared? Someone had unknowingly dropped a fork into the garbage disposal and one of the girls turned it on.  The resulting racket caused the screaming, which scared us all to death. We retell this story once in a while, with the required embellishments of time, and it still induces hilarity, though it was terrifying in the moment. Time, hindsight, and perspective have a way of enlightening our understanding and resetting our emotions.

The circumstances in life that alter our feelings and emotions, are temporary. Life itself is temporary.  If we patiently feel our feelings, lovingly and without judgement, they will teach us and help us heal. Opposition guarantees the happy with the sad, the sweet with the bitter. When times are tough, when we are grieving and it’s hard to feel the happiness we remember, we can hold on to the hope that joy will return; it may even visit during the sadness. We can experience glimpses of gladness, moments of mirth, and periods of peace despite our current trials.

This photo was taken at my son’s temple wedding/sealing, just a few days after I learned my 30-year marriage was ending. I know joy comes even during times of deepest grief. Tender mercies.

“In this mortal experience, we cannot control all that happens to us, but we have absolute control over how we respond to the changes in our lives. This does not imply that the challenges and trials we face are of no consequence and easily handled or dealt with. It does not imply that we will be free from pain or heartache. But it does mean that there is cause for hope and that due to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can move forward and find better days—even days full of joy, light, and happiness.” Bishop W. Christopher Waddell

The greatest example of God’s love for His children is found in the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I’m the kind of mom who asks my kids to eat before going somewhere, take water with them, check the weather in case they need a sweatshirt, get to bed at a decent hour, text when they get where they’re going, come in and say goodnight when they get home, etc.  Generally, they don’t appreciate this. They don’t see the love behind it.  I love them enough to ask them to take care of themselves and to let me know they’re safe. It seems simple and clear to me, but from their vantage point, not so much. Evidently, it can be annoying to be loved.

Because of these mom feelings, it’s easy for me to see that giving us commandments is one way our Heavenly Father shows His love.  He wants us to be safe. He sees the pitfalls and is helping us avoid them. I’ve always felt the love in His words of counsel and warning, but I know I miss them, sometimes, in other important ways. I have to look for the love, really search for it, in the hard things, but it’s always there. When I make the effort to look, I find it.

Last week was a hard one for me.  My youngest daughter was out of town for the week.  That’s not my favorite because I miss her, and I worry about her.  Don’t tell me all the reasons I shouldn’t; I never claimed to be rational.  She’s my sunshine and when she’s gone, it’s dark.  Hopefully, I get points here, because I let her go, even though I don’t want to. I do try to act rationally, even though I don’t always think rationally. (Patting myself on the back here and saying, “It’s okay.  You’re trying.”)

I had a much-anticipated trip with friends on my calendar near the end of the week, but that seemed eons away.  After a couple of long, sad days, I decided a change of scenery was needed. I headed out to visit another light in my life, a daughter about 6 hours away. It was a struggle. I had trouble shaking the gloom.  To be honest, it’s been dogging me lately. Thankfully, sunshine returned during the laughter-filled time with my sweet daughter.  Hugs, and a meal made by her and hubby, lifted my heart. That short visit was a treasure. I felt the love: the love of my daughter, and the love of my Heavenly Father. What a blessing that He gave me precious children, each of whom bring light and joy into my life. I feel His love through my children.  I know how much I love them—too much to express, sometimes so much it’s hard to bear—and I know His love is even greater. It’s more pure, more complete, more selfless, more knowing.  Just more.  I rely on it, and it never fails.

“Our Heavenly Father’s plan contains the ultimate expressions of true love. All that we hold dear—even our families, our friends, our joy, our knowledge, our testimonies—would vanish were it not for our Father and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. … The world has witnessed no greater gift, nor has it known more lasting love.” Thomas S. Monson

When I met up with my dear friends on Thursday, it felt like Disneyland, as a kid. Finally! It’s here. Laughter, hugs, talking, more hugs, more talking, some tears, more laughter, repeat. Fun!  (Remember fun?)  Why do we need friends—dear, unbiased, empathetic, non-related, uplifting, funny, wise, serious, food-loving, accepting friends—so much? They help us let go and take ourselves less seriously. They listen and validate us when it’s serious and needs tender care. They feed and nurture us, both physically and spiritually, and carry our burdens with us. They honestly and quietly say, “Me too.”  They remind us we matter, no matter what. Their time and love proclaim, “Heavenly Father loves you.”

This trip with friends is a miracle to me. I lived in Vegas for 10 years, moved to Utah for three, then back to Vegas (same house, same ward, same everything) for more than 10 now.  After 20 years here, there are many dear, supportive friends who bless my life daily, including my sweet and funny sisters who both live here.  What’s amazing, also, is that during that short little blip in Utah, I met beautiful, loving sisters Heavenly Father knew I needed to meet. I worked in callings with women who helped and strengthened me, becoming cherished friends and wise counselors. I met an amazing sister who would later go through a divorce the same time I did, texting every day, sometimes every hour, holding my hand, so to speak, to get me through. These friends have been angels to me.

During the three years we lived in Utah, my husband left the church, and my life changed, and would keep changing, in ways I never imagined. God wasn’t surprised.  He’s never surprised.  He “knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.” He lovingly made all the plans, laid the groundwork, and blessed me with everything I’d need to get through the coming storms. He is my anchor, and He provided life preservers, as well.

As I sat in the temple, surrounded by these three, long-distance, treasured friends, I felt the love of my Father in Heaven surrounding me. Knowing and loving these ladies, when I needed it many years ago, and when I need it, right now, is a miracle to me—nothing less than a miracle—provided by a loving Father. How humbling. How beautiful.  How kind. He truly loves me! And I love Him.

“Because thy lovingkindess is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.” Psalm 63:3

“…Our time in the temple is crucial to our salvation and exaltation and to that of our families. 

“…Each one of us needs the ongoing spiritual strengthening and tutoring that is possible only in the house of the Lord.” Russell M. Nelson

From the beginning, men and women built temples to worship God.  “Temples are literally houses of the Lord. They are holy places of worship where the Lord may visit” (True to the Faith). While Jesus was on the earth, He came to the temple often and made it clear it was a sacred and holy place, which must be pure and clean. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the restored church of Jesus Christ, and temples are an integral part of our worship, as well. Within the temple, we receive ordinances and make covenants with God, which allow us to be with our families, both earthly and Heavenly, throughout eternity, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. After we receive ordinances for ourselves, we then do work, by proxy, for those who have died without the opportunity to have the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ, offering them the choice to receive, if they desire.

“Consider the great mercy and fairness of God, who, before the foundation of the world, provided a way to give temple blessings to those who died without a knowledge of the gospel.” Russell M. Nelson

I grew up in Southern California, and the first temple I entered was the Los Angeles Temple.  As a youth, I did baptisms, and later I was married and sealed in that beautiful, sacred place. As a young bride, going through the temple, receiving ordinances and making new covenants, I was a little nervous. There was so much to take in, to hear and see and feel. Though I couldn’t possibly grasp most of what was presented that first time, I knew I was where I was supposed to be because of the powerful feeling of the Spirit throughout my time in the temple.  Pure love, safety, and joy enveloped me, and each tear was a drop of thanks for this precious blessing.

I wanted to return often, to remember what I’d heard and seen and let it become a part of me.  During the first years of my marriage, I drove from Camarillo to LA every week to attend the temple. It was all new and inspiring to me. I wanted to learn everything the Lord wanted to teach me, and I treasured that time each week: the drive, time to ponder, the peace and quiet and joy I felt there. I developed a love for, and testimony of, the temple.

“We all know there is no more peaceful place on this earth than in the temples of God. If you don’t have a temple recommend, qualify to get one. When you have a recommend, use it often. Schedule a regular time to be in the temple. Don’t let anyone or anything prevent you from being there.

“While you are in the temple, listen to the words of the ordinances, ponder them, pray about them, and seek to understand their meaning. The temple is one of the best places to come to understand the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Seek Him there.”

Richard G Scott

In the temple, more than anywhere else, I feel the truth that our Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ, love us and want to bless us in every possible way, if only we will receive. Loving, merciful words are spoken and given to us as a gift from Them to get us through the challenges of this life. We are offered forgiveness, protection, and grace. Everywhere in the temple, there is love.

“The temple is also a place of refuge, thanksgiving, instruction, and understanding, ‘that [we] may be perfected … in all things pertaining to the kingdom of God on the earth.’ Throughout my life it has been a place of tranquility and peace in a world that is literally in commotion. It is wonderful to leave the cares of the world behind in that sacred setting.” Quintin L Cook

As a mother of young children, I couldn’t get to the temple as often as I wanted.  Though life was often overwhelming, I still made it a priority to be there when I could, influenced by the promises of the Lord, through our church leaders, that our family would be blessed by my attendance. I was always personally instantly blessed by my time in the temple, away from the cares and worry I constantly carried. I began imagining, as I approached the temple doors, removing my burdens from my shoulders and placing them right outside the doors.  I knew I would have to pick them back up again when I came out, but while inside, I felt free from those burdens for a little while.

“Sometimes you may feel that you cannot think clearly because your mind is so burdened with problems and the many things clamoring for attention.  In the temple, the dust of these distractions can settle, the fog and haze can lift, and you can understand things that you have not understood before.  You can find new ways to deal with the challenges you face.” True to the Faith

When my husband left the church, I was devastated and confused. I could not understand. I sought peace and light amid the terrible fear and darkness. During a Women’s conference I attended, the Lord led me to the scripture written for Emma, “Wherefore, lift up thy heart and rejoice, and cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made.”  That answer became my lifeline and saving grace. My covenants. The temple.  Always there is a place where I am safe, cherished, grounded. A place where I feel whole. A place where the hugeness of the moment gives way to the scale and perspective of eternity. A place where I’m reminded that my experiences and mistakes are for my learning and there is forgiveness through my Savior. I love the temple.

“My dear brothers and sisters, the assaults of the adversary are increasing exponentially, in intensity and in variety. Our need to be in the temple on a regular basis has never been greater…

“I promise you that the Lord will bring the miracles He knows you need as you make sacrifices to serve and worship in His temples.” Russel M. Nelson

It’s been five weeks since I became an ordinance worker in the temple. When I’m there all day, each minute that passes, the world outside becomes smaller and less important, and my joy increases. I smile and feel like I’m spending the day in Heaven. Once again, my Savior has provided a tender mercy to get me through the rest of my week, the rest of my life. I know He’s near. I know the temple is His House and His Spirit is there, because I feel Him. I also see Him, as I recognize, more and more, His hand in all the details of my life.

“And inasmuch as my people build a house unto me in the name of the Lord, and do not suffer any unclean thing to come into it, that it be not defiled, my glory shall rest upon it; 

“Yea, and my presence shall be there, for I will come into it, and all the pure in heart that shall come into it shall see God.” Doctrine and Covenants 97:15-16