“The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.

“Light and truth forsake that evil one. …

“I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.” Doctrine and Covenants 93:36-37, 40

Last week one of my friends, and reader of my blog, suggested I write about my homeschooling experiences, due to the fact that many people have unexpectedly found themselves in the homeschooling arena. I did write previously about it here but wanted to share some specifics today. Teaching my children from home is something I’m passionate about and believe in, otherwise, I never would have survived 20 years of homeschooling 4-7 children, during various times. Did I ever have doubts? Of course! I’ve had doubts about every part of mothering at one time or another. I didn’t, however, let those doubts stop me from doing what I felt called by the Lord to do for my children.

I think we all agree on the importance of being educated. Our leaders have spoken to us many times about getting an education, continuing to learn, teaching our children, and being a light in the world. I firmly believe in lifelong learning; I also believe there are many different ways to achieve the goal of becoming educated. Just as each child is unique and individual, each parent may choose the best education plan for that child, whether it be public school, private school, private tutoring, online classes, homeschooling, co-ops, etc. Each of us are blessed with the ability to receive inspiration and help from the Lord, if we seek it, in deciding how best to provide an education for our children—His children. Whatever method is chosen, we still teach our children at home every day of their lives.

“Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go,” ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” L. Tom Perry

My answers from the Lord led my plan for educating my children. We had a variety of educational experiences, including public school and homeschool. Either way, I wanted my children to learn eternal truths along with their schooling. I put my heart and soul into teaching my children, and it was incredibly hard work, physically and emotionally. I can state now, with my youngest daughter one year away from completing home education through high school, that every hour spent researching, planning, printing, and shopping, every tear cried in frustration and worry, every mess made in the name of learning, every mile traveled, every dollar spent on supplies, games, charts, flash cards, trips, shows, instruments, and books, books, books, was 100 % worth it!  I’d choose it again. I’d happily do all the work again. One of the greatest blessings of my life has been learning with my children, strengthening our testimonies together, seeing their interest, watching them develop talents, and witnessing, in amazement, their creativity.

“Because of our sacred regard for each human intellect, we consider the obtaining of an education to be a religious responsibility. Yet opportunities and abilities differ. I believe that in the pursuit of education, individual desire is more influential than institution, and personal faith more forceful than faculty.” Russell M. Nelson

I’m going to share a few things that worked for our family and brought us joy. There were many things we tried that didn’t work, ending in frustration and tears. We kept the good and tossed the bad; that’s the freedom of homeschooling. I’m grateful for those who shared ideas with me. I used those suggestions, which often sent me off on tangents perfect for us. I hope to spark ideas in others who love to learn with their children.

At the beginning of every summer, I started planning.  For the base of that year, I referred to a four-year rotation plan (Kindred Learning), where core subjects, including the scriptures, were covered in four years, then started over every four years, with deeper investigating. Then I looked for the children’s current interests. I planned in detail for the whole year, but rarely covered every single thing I’d planned. I allowed for exploration of other interests. I don’t think children normally learn best by switching subjects every hour. Mine were generally interested in something for hours or days, then moved on. Sometimes they were excited about a subject (animals, constellations, inventions, art, music) for much longer and really wanted to delve into it. That’s true learning! Except for math, which needs to be consistent, we generally did one subject per day. As long as the subjects I wanted to cover were included sometime during the year, it was flexible.

Much of our learning was reading—the library was my best friend. I did searches according to subjects, and reserved books and movies ahead. Sometimes I had 75 books checked out, between all our cards. When we studied invertebrates, we used an Apologia science book, nonfiction books, learned a song from Lyrical Life Science for memorization, and watched “Finding Nemo.”  When there were several children, they’d each write a report about one of the animals and stand and share it with the others. (As much as possible, writing assignments related to their studies.) When the French Revolution was the subject, we read nonfiction books and historical fiction, like “The Scarlett Pimpernel,” and we watched “A Tale of Two Cities.” They might write about Napoleon or Marie Antoinette. For art and music, we often read a biography (with cartoons) by Mike Venezia about an artist or composer from the time period or geographic area we were covering.  We viewed paintings online or at an exhibit (the Leonardo da Vinci one was so cool!) and attempted to copy the style of painting. We listened to composers’ works and occasionally played a sample on the piano or watched “Beethoven Lives Upstairs” or Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker.”

Some of our favorites:

• Incorporating scripture reading and Family Home Evening in studies and using Discover the Scriptures’ lessons to make scripture study more personal
• Reading aloud together (especially fun in a fort on rainy days)—that’s how we discovered Harry Potter, Fancy Nancy, Merlin, Winnie the Pooh, The Little Princess, The Secret Garden, and our love of reading
• Geography studies with maps, passports, dressing up, cultural activities (including creating a Chinese dragon and a piñata) and “feasts” of foods from the country studied, with friends invited
• Year-long newspaper project—all writing assignments were newspaper articles and entries for a completed newspaper at the end of the year
• Anatomy, with life-size body cutouts, field trips to “Slim Goodbody’s Bodyology” and “The Body Exhibit,” Lyrical Life Science songs about muscles and bones, and posters with labels to help with memorizing
• Science experiments, which succeeded about 60% of the time, but usually taught a lesson anyway
• A family history cookbook, with recipes received from many relatives we’d never met
• Making quilts for the grandmas 
• Illustrated timelines and homemade inventions 
• Award ceremony, gifts, and party at the end of the year
• Memorizing seminary scriptures, famous quotes, and church proclamations
• Once-a-week classes with a homeschool co-op and orchestra with the Southern Nevada Homeschool Performing Arts school
• Games, games, games for math and grammar, logic puzzles and brain teasers
• FREE TIME for creativity: magic shows, plays, music videos, karaoke, Dinotopia VR flying rides, concerts, travel, songwriting

There’s so much to explore, to learn, to enjoy with our children, who are only with us a little while. I miss those crazy, fun, hectic, strenuous days… but there’s always the grands!!

“God bless you wonderful mothers and fathers in Zion. He has entrusted to your care His eternal children. As parents we partner, even join, with God in bringing to pass His work and glory among His children. It is our sacred duty to do our very best.” L. Tom Perry

I used to have the missionaries over to dinner fairly regularly.  (I’m going back about 18 years here.) I had three young sons I figured would likely serve missions one day and would need feeding, so I was doing my part in the hopes that someone else would do the same when my missionary boys were poor and hungry.  I had 6 children back then and was homeschooling 4 of them.  Before I had any children, I used to enjoy hosting a small party or inviting someone to dinner, but by this time, having anyone over to my home caused me enormous anxiety.  I’m not sure exactly why (besides perfectionism), but that’s the reality.  When the feed-the-missionaries calendar was passed around in Relief Society, was I willing to admit that reality? Not a chance. I signed up, wanting to serve, knowing it would be good for my children to interact with the missionaries, and not wanting to look like a heartless slacker. Immediately remorse set in.  I started worrying about what I was going to feed them, how we would squeeze in two more chairs around the full table, and when I would have time to get the extra-special groceries. On the actual day of the “event,” the kids were either ignored or grumped at, as I frantically tried to get school completed and put away, the whole house cleaned (because we know 19 year old guys are picky about spotless floors and bathrooms), and a delicious home-cooked meal—including dessert—ready on time (because we also know missionaries are famous for punctuality). I took breaks to hide in my closet and cry. The kids loved seeing the missionaries, but afterwards I always felt enormous guilt and sadness, giving myself a Bad Mom Award, for my complete freakout all day. Mom fail. After years of this pattern, I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t host missionary dinners anymore.  Even though I felt guilty about that, I felt worse about the Bad Mom Awards piling up.

Why did it cause me such anguish to admit that I couldn’t do this? To pass that calendar by without adding my name to it? I didn’t want people to know I flip out about such a simple thing. So many of us spend our lives hiding major parts of who we really are. We live in fear of being our genuine, silly, flawed, messy selves. We want to be—or at least look—perfect. We say and do the things we think will bring approval and love—our most basic human needs.  We try to control how others see and feel about us. It traces back to our beginnings.

Every human parent fails to meet all the needs of a precious child.  Plain and simple.  No matter how much we know or how much we try, our humanness prevents us from being capable of perfection in the parenting arena.  Plus, most of us know next-to-nothing about parenting when we actually become parents.  I, therefore, must conclude that this is the plan.  Any parent knows that children teach us far more than we could ever teach them.  These poor, unsuspecting innocents must be sent here to help us grow and learn.

It follows that no child ever receives all the love and nurturing she needs.  Every one of us has holes inside that weren’t filled, simply because our parents (and their parents) were human and messed up more often than not, even when, bless their hearts, they tried as hard as they could. Hopefully we can recognize this, appreciate their sacrifices for us, and the countless hours and ways they did love and nurture us, and forgive them for the hurt they caused simply because they’re human.

Thankfully, we have Heavenly Parents, and a Savior and Brother, who can fill those holes, if we let them.  They know how to parent perfectly.  They are masters at tough love.  They recognize that we need to be told “no” sometimes.  They understand that letting us struggle teaches us more than rescuing us, even though it’s excruciating to watch a child suffer.  They don’t shame or criticize.  They don’t yell or say mean things (when they’re tired or hungry).  They don’t over-schedule or do the easy thing.  And most of all, they don’t ever, ever give up on us or abandon us. 

Compared to Jesus, I am a spiritual toddler, still learning, not understanding, falling, crying, throwing tantrums, and sometimes being mean to myself.  When I’m struggling, I say things to myself like, “You are so stupid.  Why did you do that again?  Don’t you ever learn? You’re hopeless.” But what I hear when I pray and listen is a loving Father saying, “I love you, no matter what.  You are priceless.  I forgive you.  Keep trying. You can do better. I’m here to help you.”

Of course, as humans, we often don’t know how, or forget, to reach out to that Source of love.  We also don’t realize we can give ourselves the love and approval we need, being gentle and compassionate to ourselves when we mess up or are hurting.  So we are empty.  We look outward to fill the hole.  We end up wearing a mask that hides our vulnerable parts so we can feel, temporarily, the belonging we seek.

When my children were young, some of them would cheat at games.  I couldn’t understand why anyone would do that. I would say, “But you know inside that you didn’t really win, so how can you feel good about that?”  It’s like those high-powered execs on TV who have “yes men” following them around pretending they agree with them and think they’re amazing.  Who would want that, when you know inside that they are just saying what you want to hear because they’re paid to? I began to understand this better one day when having a discussion with a counselor.  I was lamenting the fact that even though I recognize that I’m trying to please, and even though I’m 52 years old, I am still doing things I don’t really want to do, or feel are best, because I want someone’s love and approval.  I’m hiding the real me in an attempt to control how they feel about me and respond to me.  I’m cheating.  How can I feel genuine love and approval when I know I’m not being the real me? 

This understanding helped me see that the only way to truly feel loved is loving and accepting myself as I am right here and now, seeking and feeling Heavenly love, and having the courage to let that be enough.   I can’t control how anyone else sees me or responds to me or feels about me.  I can only control my choices and actions. It’s enough to be the imperfect, genuine me.  I want to be perfect, but since I can’t, I’ll be perfectly real.  No cheating or pleasing. No hiding or pretending. REAL.  Let the chips fall where they may.

Remember I’m of infinite worth

Entreat Heaven’s help

Act in my integrity-be authentic

Let the chips fall…