“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” Hebrews 10:36

This week, like many other weeks, the Lord is teaching me about patience.  In my quest to become more like my Savior, patience is an attribute that feels so hard to master. As I’ve pondered and read about the birth of the Savior and the events in the Holy Land, and in the Promised Land, I’ve seen evidence of the patience required of believers.

“Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith…Ultimately, patience means being “firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord” every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

The Bible tells of those in the Holy Land who believed the scriptures and the prophets and looked forward hopefully to the coming of the Christ. They believed He would save them, free them, redeem them. They kept the commandments and the Law of Moses, watching, believing, continuing in patience, year after year, to perform all the rituals that symbolized his atoning sacrifice.

When the time finally arrived, Mary, the mother of Jesus, most likely didn’t understand fully her sacred mission—what it all meant—and what it would look like for her. She walked with patience, by faith, one day at a time, trusting she would know what to do and be given the grace to accomplish all that was required of her.  

In The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Christ we read of the believers, far away in the Promised Land, who remembered the words of Samuel the Lamanite, and clung to their faith, patiently hoping the sign would appear—a night without darkness—which would signify the birth of the Savior, in Bethlehem.  They were facing eminent death if their faith and belief turned out to be in vain. Their patience and trust, during that time of persecution and fear, was rewarded as the promised sign was finally given. I can imagine their rejoicing, knowing the baby was born, a Savior to redeem the world.

I, too, wait for my Savior, in a world of persecution and fear. I know He lives and will come again. I know He has overcome death and taken away its sting. I know He will walk beside me, in my uncertainty, when I don’t know what to do and am afraid of what I will be asked to endure.

“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I struggle to be patient.  I want to know what’s next, what’s going to happen, what I will be called on to do.  But this life isn’t about knowing everything at once; it’s about faith and hope. If I trust in God—and I do—then I trust in His timing, His goodness, His plan for me. I have the blessed gift of the Holy Ghost as my companion, and know I’ll be given what I need, moment by moment.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I will keep trying to patiently walk by faith, gratefully trusting I’m not alone.

“Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me.” Moses 6:34

Each day I’m more aware of how much I need the help of my Savior moment by moment. At this stage in my life, I don’t have the emotional or physical energy I had when I was younger. As a single woman, I also don’t have a partner with whom to discuss, brainstorm, and share the load. Challenges that used to seem like a few steep steps, now often feel like mountains to climb. I’m amazed at the speed with which life, circumstances, and emotions change. We’re fragile. Life is fragile. Thankfully, the Lord is aware of this and provides all we need to navigate life’s twists and turns, which perfectly, though sometimes painfully, do their job of teaching us and helping us grow.

“The humility you and I need for the Lord to lead us by the hand comes from faith. It comes from faith that God really lives, that He loves us, and that what He wants—hard as it may be—will always be best for us.” Henry B. Eyring

Before my sweet dad was called back to Heaven, he was a constant, dependable source of strength and help to me. I didn’t have to think about it much, I was totally secure in the knowledge that he’d be there for me if I needed him.  He wouldn’t be put-out or disapproving; he’d be happy to help, encouraging, and loving. He made me feel like my asking him for help was just what he was hoping for. I miss him so much.  Knowing this about my dad taught me it’s possible to have the same relationship with my Heavenly Father. He’ll always be there for me, always listen, and always provide a way for me to get through the next thing. He sent His Son, who knows my every need, sorrow, struggle, and hope. I don’t have to carry it all alone—He walks with me.

For years, I’ve had the desire to move.  Since my divorce and many of my children having grown and left the nest, I’ve wanted a smaller, more manageable home and a fresh start. About once a year, I’d get a feeling of restlessness and look at houses in Utah, where I loved living for a few years. After searching and dreaming, I’d always end up feeling it wasn’t the right time.  I’d hear the whisper, “Wait. Be patient.” I’d put away my floor plans and dreams, and trust in the Lord’s timing, then go through all our belongings (with considerable family resistance), paring down for when the time was right.

“Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us.” Jeffrey R. Holland

Viewing floor plans has been a fun hobby for me. I’ve always dreamed of a one-story house. When we had 7 children and were moving to Utah, I told the kids I wanted a one-story house. My son laughed and said, “Mom, we’d need a mall!”  Ironically, the house in Utah had three levels, but the kids each had their own room and a basement to secretly practice pole vaulting, construct Dinotopia virtual flying rides, and record music videos.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

This year, when I got that familiar urge to look at houses and plan for a move, I looked in this area. I have family here, whom I need more and more as I get older, and who need me, as well. I also wanted to be near a big airport to make it easy for my kids to visit, and near the temple, which is vital to me. I didn’t want to be close to downtown, though; I wanted to be outside the city a bit.  That one-story is especially important now, too, as my mom gets older and needs more care.

With all these criteria in mind, I prayed for help and guidance, and once again began my search. I systematically viewed floor plans, but this time I could also go see model homes and explore areas—very daring for me! Finding a single-story home with enough bedrooms and bathrooms for the family I have right now, a small yard to care for, and within my budget, was still challenging. As I explored different areas, I had distinct feelings.  In one area, I was immediately positive it wasn’t for me, while in other areas, I felt good and hopeful.  When I found a model home that felt nearly perfect for our circumstances, I came home to start looking at other areas around here which had the same model, but felt the impression to stop looking.  It was a feeling that I didn’t need to look further.

I was excited and panicked at the same time.  After all the waiting, could this really be the right time, the right house, the right circumstances to go ahead? Though I wanted it, I was fearful. It was such a huge decision to make on my own, but I knew it ultimately was my decision to make, and I wanted to be absolutely sure the Lord approved.  I knew I could be brave enough to go forward with all the details, drama, and effort this would require of me, if only I knew the Lord would walk with me.  I pretty much asked for a miracle, set aside all fear, and put my trust and confidence in God. He moved my mountains. He provided the miracles. My home is sold, and we’re renting here until the new house is built, in several months.

I’ve been humbled by the love and care I’ve felt from Above. I’ve experienced pure joy knowing Heavenly Father heard my prayers, had a plan for me, and guided me. When the anxiety and fear creep in, I remember the miracles and hold to the trust. I can do this—because I know my Savior walks with me.

“Thou wilt show me the path of life; in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Psalm 16:11

Last week, my youngest and I spent a week with my daughter and her family, who live about 8 hours (driving) from our house. It was a wonderful time of celebration and rejoicing, as my oldest grandson had his eighth birthday and chose to follow Jesus Christ and be baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He had been preparing and knew what it meant to make that covenant. He’s a serious and sensitive boy and seeing the light in his eyes on his baptism day brought me pure joy. No wonder the Savior tells us we need to be like little children. Days like that remind me that true joy is eternal, while sorrows are temporary.   

It’s easy to forget, amid the strife and struggle of day-to-day survival, the simplicity and love of Heavenly Father’s plan. The natural man forgets good things, which is probably why “remember” is a frequent word in the scriptures. The temple is also a place of remembering as our perspective becomes more clearly focused. If I go a few weeks without going to the temple, I forget that this moment, this anxiety, this struggle, is not forever. I’m afraid, even though I know God watches over me and those I love, because I forget to trust.

A week before our trip to my daughter’s home, her 18-month-old toddler took a tumble down their stairs and suffered a concussion. She had to have quiet and low stimuli, be constantly watched, and stay home.  Not so easy with two busy brothers, a birthday, and a baptism during the week! We went earlier than planned so we could help.  Thankfully, she’s comfortable with me and I was able to hold her and rock her and help in any way I could. However, I found that when I wasn’t the one watching her, my anxiety spiked and occasionally I had to leave the room, put in my earbuds, and listen to something to drown out the sounds in the house. I was the Gran, not the Mom, and it was hard not to be in charge.  I became more fearful and anxious when it was time to go home. I was sad and wondered how my daughter would be able to manage without us there—it was tricky even with three of us taking care of the kids while her husband was at work. I forgot to trust the Lord to take care of that precious little one, whom I know He loves even more than I do.  After we left, my son, who’d come for the baptism, spent the day entertaining the little boys.  The rest of the week, friends and ward members stepped in to help when it was needed, and my daughter was given what she needed to get by. I may forget, but Jesus never does. 

“I [will] not forget thee, O house of Israel.

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Isaiah 49:15-16

When I returned home from the trip, my mom told me that the day I’d left, she’d fallen.  My mom lives with me, and my sisters live within 15 minutes of our home. Mom’s health is generally OK, but it can be unpredictable, and we always pray for her to be protected while we’re away. She and I texted a couple of times each day, my son was around, when he wasn’t at work, and my sisters checked on her. I was shocked to hear that she’d fallen—all the way to the ground.  Nobody was home when it happened, and her phone wasn’t close by.  Amazingly, she only received a big bruise on her arm, and wasn’t hurt in any other way.  Somehow, she was able to get up.  I was humbled by this tender mercy, because she hadn’t been able to get down to the floor or up from the floor for several years.  She got stuck kneeling down once and I couldn’t get her up by myself.  It was literally a miracle she wasn’t hurt and was able to get up on her own. As I thought about this, sincerely thanking my Father in Heaven for this answer to our prayers for her safety, the feeling struck me that He was reminding me that I can trust Him.  I’m not in charge.  He is.  And He’s ever so much better at it than I am!  I forget.  He lovingly reminds me. 

“Every good man and woman…[is] in the hands of [the] Lord.  They are before him, his eye upon them, his angels round about them that they might endure afflictions, suffer pain [and] buffeting by Satan, pass through scenes of afflictions enough to wring their natural hearts out of them, comparatively.  Yet God [will] take care of them.” 

 (Brigham Young, Sept. 23, 1852, Mary Fielding Smith’s funeral)

When my sons received their mission calls to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and went away for two years each-one to Africa and one, two years later, to Canada-I had a hard time. Though I was happy, knowing it was exactly where each was supposed to go and believed he would have the experiences he most needed, I was worried and anxious. To combat my fears, I used a visualization.  As I drove my son to the Mission Training Center, I imagined the Savior’s strong and capable hands cupped and reaching out to me. I saw myself placing my son, held in my own cupped hands, into the Savior’s hands, completely turning over his care to the only One who could truly protect him. Mission time then became a blessing to me, as I grew closer to each son with heartfelt weekly emails and many blessings from Heaven. While there have been many times I’ve placed loved ones and situations into the loving hands of my Savior, there have also been times I’ve forgotten to do this and felt the weight of the world on my own shoulders, instead.  

“I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that His people do not feel confident in His care or secure in His hands.” Jeffrey R. Holland

All week I’ve thought about trust.  I’ve tried to remember Him always, but last night, even while writing about it, I found myself worrying, with my friend and fellow worrier, about the youth conference group that wasn’t answering cell phones, an hour after the time designated for parents to pick up kids. Her handy-dandy tracker said, “location unavailable.”  That’s not a comfortable place for me. Soon after, they reached cell service and let us know they were alive. Sigh. I wish I were better at always remembering.  

 “There is nothing easy or automatic about becoming such powerful disciples. Our focus must be riveted on the Savior and His gospel.  It is mentally rigorous to strive to look unto Him in every thought.   But when we do, our doubts and fears flee.”

President Russell M. Nelson

In the Lord’s prayer, the Savior instructs us to say, “Thy will be done.” He then teaches us what this looks like by His perfect example throughout His life and, most poignantly, during His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane. When discussing this concept in a ward I was visiting, a woman shared, “I feel like I have a plan—an idea—of what my life should look like and what I will do.  But over and over I find that God’s plan for my life is different than mine.  I wonder sometimes why He doesn’t like any of my ideas. I feel like they’re pretty good.  It’s easy to turn our will over to Him when it’s not something we really care about, but when we have strong feelings about it, bending our will to His can be really hard!”  

Do we believe that His idea, His plan, His will, is better than ours?

 “Your life will be easier when you accept that what God does in your life is for your eternal good.” Richard G. Scott

 Years ago, I had a child who was breaking the rules.  I scoured parenting books and tried various behavior modification methods, but nothing helped.  I felt the need for more drastic action. I prayed about my decision and the answer, clearly, was, “No.” I was upset and discouraged. How could I ever be a good parent if my interpretation of the scriptures and words of the prophets had not been the right thing to do? I forgot that the Lord taught, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways…” I was completely missing the point that because I had prayed, He was guiding me to do what was best for this particular child—one He knows well and loves. God won’t leave me alone to figure it out! I have all the tools I need if I do my best and then seek direction from the Holy Ghost. 

I’ve been blessed for accepting God’s will and following His direction. After living in Utah for three years, I had a strong impression that our family needed to move back to Las Vegas.  I didn’t want to.  At all.  I liked my new area and friends and dreaded taking my family back to a place with so many in-your-face temptations and evil influences. I especially worried about my son, who was just about to start his senior year in high school.  Knowing it would be hard on him, I shared with him my feeling that Heavenly Father wanted us to move. He was sad about it, but didn’t grumble, instead, he looked at me and simply said, “If you feel that’s what we’re supposed to do, then I’m good with that.” His faith strengthened mine and helped me get through that hard time. I couldn’t understand how it could be a good idea to move back, but I believed God knew.

A few years later, my dad, who lived near us, had a sudden and unexpected stroke, and only lived a few short weeks before returning to his Heavenly home.  I was blessed to be by his bedside, helping and supporting him, and being there to comfort my sisters and my mom.  After his death, Mom needed help, so we made some adjustments to our home and invited her to live with us.  She’s been with me since that time, five years ago.  I’ve been continually thankful that I listened to the prompting to move close to them. Our Father in Heaven knows what we need and kindly, generously, leads us, if we let Him.

“Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good…” Alma 37:37

A couple of years ago, my mother-in-law began losing strength in her legs and having balance trouble.  Several times she fell and had to be helped up, even needing the paramedics to come in a time or two.  During a visit, my father-in-law told me that sometimes she couldn’t get up from kneeling to say her prayers.  I was stunned.  This dear, faithful, elderly lady was still kneeling for her prayers, even when she could barely stand on her weakened legs. I felt humbled by her example. I don’t kneel as often as I should.  I had knee trouble for several years, which made kneeling painful and distracting.  I stopped kneeling during that time and got out of the habit. Her dedication made me want to do better.

Often, I pray in my car. This started when I was attending the temple weekly. The 40-minute drive became my favorite time to pour out my soul, away from family interruptions, noise, and distractions. Now I sit in my car while my daughter attends early morning seminary.  In the quiet, the dark, I again have the distraction-free space to have a heart-to-heart with my Father. There’s something about praying aloud that heightens my connection with Him.  When I’m alone, I can be completely genuine, letting out all my tears, my fears, and my hopes to my Father in Heaven.  I have no doubt that He hears me.

“Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences.”

Richard G. Scott

Recently, while visiting my daughter, I joined in the family prayer.  As I listened, I was brought to tears by the sweet words of my grandson, “Please bless Gran.” Hearing the high, innocent, trusting tones of that boy, asking his Heavenly Father to bless me, humbled and touched my heart deeply. I experienced a tender feeling of being loved and nurtured.

One of my favorite scripture passages is John 17, where the Savior prays for His apostles and for all those who believe on Him through their word.  That includes me. He asks that we can be one with Him and Heavenly Father, know that they love us, and be made perfect so we can be with them forever. Jesus prays for me.

Prayer is a gift.  Expressing our deepest, most distressing or joyful feelings, helps us more fully understand, internalize, and absorb them. The scriptures tell us He knows what things we have need of, but many times we have no idea what we really need.  Praying is more than asking; it’s sharing who we are deep inside, trusting that He will still love us and bless us with all we need.  It strengthens our relationship with Him as we get to better know and love Him.

Life is unpredictable.  There are so many circumstances that are out of our control, people we can’t help, problems we can’t solve.  When something is troubling us or someone is hurting, we can pray, and know that we are heard and loved. Knowing the Father of us all is calmly in control, knows what’s best for each of us, and will help us in every circumstance, is a blessing I cherish.