Why start a blog?  Why take the time, energy, and risk of putting myself out there on the big, scary internet?  There are several reasons I have decided to brave this journey.

First, I want my children to see that I am a regular, struggling, courageous, mistake-making, valiant, confused, strong, scared, devoted follower of Jesus Christ. I think children see their parents as something other than regular people.  It’s like how they view their teachers. Have you ever seen a kid spot her teacher at the grocery store?  She’s shocked, right?  She whispers in awe, “Mom, look!  It’s my teacher!” Because kids don’t think teachers shop at grocery stores or cook or do regular stuff.  They are teachers. (And teachers are awesome.) As parents, we put on our best faces for our children.  We want them to feel safe and know we are there to protect them.  We don’t want them to see us falling apart or feeling scared.  We cry in our closets. But if we don’t ever share those feelings with them, how will they know that we relied on the Savior to get through those devastating times?  How will they know that we tried, failed, tried again, failed again, and kept going?  And that it’s OK, or even better than OK, to do that, because Jesus forgives our mistakes and can use them to help us learn and grow? I tried to be real for my children, but I didn’t share enough of the hard stuff. I wanted to be their hero.  It’s difficult to share my broken parts, risking the loss of (imagined) hero status, but I’m hoping the reward is a deeper connection with them as I let them see who I really am—just a person, struggling along, doing the best I can, their sister in God’s family.

Second, I’ve lived for over half a century (I’m borrowing this from my dad—he thought it added credibility) and plan to be around another quarter century or so, but I won’t always be here. After I’m gone, I want my posterity to have a record of my pothole-riddled journey, and know that even though it didn’t turn out the way I planned or hoped, it was still beautiful and blessed. Even when the road was bumpy, there was so much to be grateful for and countless tender mercies of the Lord to get me through. I’m certain they will have their own hazardous trek, and I’d love to leave behind something to encourage and strengthen their faith in themselves and the Lord.

Third, it’s my hope that by sharing some of my experiences, what I’ve learned through them, and how they brought me closer to my end goal of being more like my Jesus, I will be able to help someone else who is going through similar struggles.  Maybe seeing life through my tear-stained, gospel lens might feel like a friend reaching out, saying, “I understand,” and “You’re not alone.” One of the sweetest tender mercies I received during my divorce was my dear friend, Becky, who listened, shared her own story, and said, “You’re not crazy, that’s exactly how I felt.” I knew meeting her in a short, 3 year move to Lehi, and then reconnecting during her own divorce, was just one of the miracles in God’s loving plan to get me through what He knew was coming. He always prepares the way. I would like to be able to be an instrument in His hands to help someone else in the same way.

Finally, although I consider myself to be a fairly average person, without aspirations to fame or fortune, I believe I have a purpose on the earth and am here to make the world a better place.  I have been blessed to find the true gospel of Jesus Christ, in His church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I want to share the peace and hope I feel because of this knowledge.  People are looking for truth, for peace and hope, in this crazy world.  I see less and less promotion and defense of Christian family values and moral conviction. I want to stand for Jesus and for all He taught to make the world a better place:  brotherly love and kindness, integrity, virtue and fidelity, hard work and self-reliance, sacrifice, and service. Although I will share my experiences, hoping to help others, there are millions of trials I haven’t experienced. But Jesus has. He can always say, “You’re not alone” and “I understand,” because He chose to feel every sorrow, every grief, every illness, so He could perfectly succor us as we struggle through this life. He understands when nobody else can. I have been comforted by His love and understanding when I felt completely alone and abandoned.  I know He lives and loves each of us.  No matter what hiccup or detour we meet, He’s already been there, mapped out our perfect route, and is ready to comfort us and lead us through it.  He has prepared the way.  He is the way.