“All of us will be tested. And all of us need true friends to love us, to listen to us, to show us the way, and to testify of truth to us so that we may retain the companionship of the Holy Ghost. You must be such a true friend.” Henry B Eyring

This week I’ve been thinking about the wonderful blessing of friends. Some of my truest friends are family members, who love me even though they know me too well.  My mom, dad, and sisters have been there for me during the storms as well as times of smooth sailing. Who, but a sister, can share the laughter of old inside jokes and memories of foolish youth, and grieve with you and comfort you at the bedside of a dying parent? My children are also are wonderful friends to me.  They listen and give great advice, accepting me as I am. My daughter once reminded me, when I confided my worry about sharing burdens with her and adding to her own heavy load, that we’ve covenanted to bear one another’s burdens. That’s what friends do.

Besides my family, my ward family has also been a cherished source of friendship. When we first moved to Vegas and to this ward, over 20 years ago, we had five small children. The bishop and his sweet wife invited the whole family over to dinner. I’ll never forget that gracious show of love for a big, crazy family, making us feel “no more strangers,” but friends. Since then, many friends have quietly, steadily, served and supported me and my family, strengthening our faith. There have been families our children grew up with, bishops who served with all their hearts, choir directors who welcomed, youth leaders who reached out in love, and sisters who brought tiny pink baby clothes and dinner for weeks when I had trouble recovering after my last baby was born. One brought root beer and pizza—I could eat that every night and die happy—and the root beer exploded all over when we opened it. Good times.

Some of my most treasured friendships developed from home and visiting teaching visits, both as I have served and as I’ve been served. Many years ago I had a dear, older lady to watch over through visiting teaching. After many tries, she finally let me in to visit. As I visited her, often bringing one of my children with me, she became a treasured friend to me and my family. She had a little case of yellow cars she pulled out if one of the boys came. She brought us treats and fruit baskets on holidays, and souvenirs when she traveled. After many years of friendship, I was blessed to help her when she was ill, before she moved to live with her daughter. I’ve learned so much from this cheerful, wonderful friend.

 I’ve been the recipient of loving ministering too many times to list.  When I was expecting my seventh child, I hadn’t had a baby for 5 years and I was 38 years old.  I had six children between the ages of 16 and five, plus my teenage niece lived with us.  Our loving home teachers, a husband and wife, were incredibly dedicated to our family. The last few months of my pregnancy, this amazing couple made dinner for our family every single week!  That’s a family of nine, if you were counting. Along with the blessing of those meals, was the knowledge we absolutely could trust and count on them.

Another home/visiting teaching couple have been true blue family friends forever. They are friends to me, my kids, my mom and dad, the whole family.  They always have love to give, time to share, and words of comfort and encouragement. They are valiant disciples of Christ, openly sharing their testimonies and knowledge of the gospel with us. They’re here when we need a blessing, a ride from the airport at some horrible hour, or a shoulder to cry on. I don’t know what we’d do without them.

As a young mom, I was often pushed to my limit.  It was all I could do to take care of my family and my church callings.  I didn’t feel I had time left over to spend with friends—until I became friends with one of my visiting teachers. Bless her heart, she wouldn’t let me get out of doing things with her. We played games, organized storerooms, played volleyball, and went to the temple. The only time I made it to BYU Women’s Conference was when she was going and took me with her. Best of all, she listened. We talked and talked about all the hard mom stuff. She built me up and also had the courage to call me out when my idealistic expectations were unreasonable. She knew my issues and loved me anyway. Although she moved away, she still attended my Dad’s funeral and kids’ wedding receptions. Priceless support.

“How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: ‘A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.’ Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me.” Marvin J. Ashton

Here’s just a sampling of things friends have done for me:

Helped get our house ready to move in when things went wrong at the last minute.

Invited our big family for a water fight and fireworks on Independence Day.

Brought flowers for special days, including an anonymous one on a random Sunday with a note that said, “I felt like you needed to know you’re loved today.” (I did!)

Taught my children piano and played duets with them.

Took us for a sunny ride by the lake in a golf cart, which turned into a laughter-filled walk back in the rain (after a flat tire).

Shared love through oranges, garden-grown tomatoes, and Sonic shakes.  

Invited us to a “We’re thankful for the Barkers” feast at their dinner table.

Brightened my days by going to lunch or frozen yogurt, on walks, and to the temple.

During my divorce, the Lord lovingly provided a new bestie, one I needed desperately. We shared all the confusion, fear, anger, and grief only someone who has experienced it can understand. It felt like a miracle to me. On one occasion, she stayed at my home in Vegas to attend Time Out for Women with me.  We had a great time. While she was here, I had a family emergency at four o’clock in the morning and woke her up to tell her. She stayed, took my daughter to church, and even taught my Sunday School class so I could leave right away. I’m still overwhelmed with the love I felt from her sweet service to me.

All through this time, my friends have been a lifeline to me.  One friend, constant and true for many years, who shares holidays with us and is an honorary member of our family, sent me uplifting memes and beautiful messages several times a day, for months, when it was especially tough. Another dear friend and I enjoy Jane Austen movie nights, long walks and longer talks about our deepest hopes, fears, and testimonies. Many friends offer prayers for me and hugs in the church hallway. Often without knowing, they offer love and encouragement, strengthening my testimony in Christ.

Last summer a few friends and I got together for a couple of days. We saw funny plays, ate healthy food, and laughed. For hours and hours, we shared the tender and deep feelings of our hearts, how the Savior carries us. When I returned home, I felt like a fifty-pound boulder had been lifted from my shoulders and I had ten times the strength to carry on.  It lasted for months!

In the last year, a cherished friend has been lovingly reaching out to me, offering her gifts of compassion and wisdom.  Even though her own life is one of the most challenging I’ve seen, she’s called me nearly every week for a year, to let me share my troubles, my fears, my failures, my successes, my testimony, my life. And she shares hers.

“Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke about what it means to be a friend and the powerful influence of friends in our lives. His definition has had lasting impact in my life. He said, ‘Friends are people who make it easier to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.’ In this sense, seeking another person’s highest good is the essence of true friendship. It is putting someone else first. It is being strictly honest, loyal, and chaste in every action. True friends influence those with whom they associate to ‘rise a little higher [and] be a little better.’” Elaine Dalton

It has been humbling and joyful to remember, with tears and smiles, wonderful friends who’ve influenced and lifted me. I wish I had a picture with each of my friends.  

Most of all, I’m thankful for the truest and dearest friend, our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

“Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

“Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” John 15:12–15