“And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever…I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” John 14: 16, 18

When my kids were younger, I remember a movie we watched in the 90’s where the father, a therapist, wrote two books, Feel your feelings and Feel Your Feelings, Again. He repeated that phrase a ton (in a super annoying way) and it made me laugh and stuck with me. In reality, it’s not always easy to feel our feelings.  Many feelings are as uncomfortable and unwelcome as dental work, and we’d just as soon ignore them; however, most of us have likely learned, through rude experience, that to avoid either one increases future suffering.

Learning to accept, and even welcome, all the feelings of our hearts takes practice and patience. Each emotion is there to teach us, if we’ll let it. We never have to go through painful experiences alone; there is always help from above when we need it. I have felt the comfort and companionship of the Holy Ghost during times of deepest sorrow, and I know it’s His Spirit who fills my heart with peace and joy, even in times of sadness. As I sat yesterday feeling some painful emotions, I closed my eyes and pictured myself sitting on the beach, listening to the waves rush in and out, feeling the salty breeze on my face.  I saw myself sitting on a blanket on the sand, and Jesus coming to sit beside me. He didn’t speak, just sat close as we gazed at the ocean, letting me know He was right there, He understands, He’s got it all covered and it will be okay.

“While you are going through your trial, you can recall your past victories and count the blessings that you do have with a sure hope of greater ones to follow if you are faithful. And you can have that certain knowledge that in due time God will wipe away all tears and that ‘eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.’” Ezra Taft Benson

Our feelings have an enormous range of intensity and scope. The phenomenon I find interesting is that we can feel several emotions, sometimes even opposite ones, seemingly simultaneously. Richard G. Scott said, “Please learn that as you wrestle with a challenge and feel sadness because of it, you can simultaneously have peace and rejoicing.” I experienced this when I was going through family pictures this week, smiling and crying at the same time. There was such sweet happiness in the memories, along with a heartbreaking sadness for the loss of those precious moments and/or people. I would never give up the wonderful joy of those moments because they would later make my heart ache.

In a similar way, everyone has a hideously embarrassing or upsetting story which, told later, is a family treasure and source of great hilarity. I’ll share one of our family stories that has gone down in history. This is how I remember it…today. During a family gathering, my sisters and niece were visiting.  Our three girls, somewhere in their teens, were downstairs making up the couch bed (sleeper sofa, if you prefer), and the adults, consisting of me (holding a baby), my husband, and my two sisters, were upstairs chatting.  Suddenly we heard the most horrific metal clattering, then hysterical screaming. We all panicked, sure that the couch bed had collapsed and someone was crushed or had severed an appendage. I was frozen, terrified, squeezing the baby and yelling to my husband, who was already up and sprinting toward the stairs. My sister, a bit quicker on the uptake, had gotten there first, so he sort-of shoved her out of the way and took most of the stairway in a single bound. What did we all find when the smoke had cleared? Someone had unknowingly dropped a fork into the garbage disposal and one of the girls turned it on.  The resulting racket caused the screaming, which scared us all to death. We retell this story once in a while, with the required embellishments of time, and it still induces hilarity, though it was terrifying in the moment. Time, hindsight, and perspective have a way of enlightening our understanding and resetting our emotions.

The circumstances in life that alter our feelings and emotions, are temporary. Life itself is temporary.  If we patiently feel our feelings, lovingly and without judgement, they will teach us and help us heal. Opposition guarantees the happy with the sad, the sweet with the bitter. When times are tough, when we are grieving and it’s hard to feel the happiness we remember, we can hold on to the hope that joy will return; it may even visit during the sadness. We can experience glimpses of gladness, moments of mirth, and periods of peace despite our current trials.

This photo was taken at my son’s temple wedding/sealing, just a few days after I learned my 30-year marriage was ending. I know joy comes even during times of deepest grief. Tender mercies.

“In this mortal experience, we cannot control all that happens to us, but we have absolute control over how we respond to the changes in our lives. This does not imply that the challenges and trials we face are of no consequence and easily handled or dealt with. It does not imply that we will be free from pain or heartache. But it does mean that there is cause for hope and that due to the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can move forward and find better days—even days full of joy, light, and happiness.” Bishop W. Christopher Waddell