The Family: A Proclamation to the World, teaches us “the family is ordained of God” and is “central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” With our Heavenly Parents, and our brother, Jesus Christ, we have an eternal, perfect family, whom we lived with before we came to earth, and can live with again after our work here is complete.  We also have an earthly family, which looks different for each of us, but has the same purpose: to teach us and help us grow.

 “Make our homes a safe place where each family member feels love and a sense of belonging. Realize that each child has varying gifts and abilities; each is an individual requiring special love and care.

“Knowing that we are in mortality to learn and to develop our faith, we should understand that there must be opposition in all things. During a family council in my own home, my wife said, “When you may think that someone has a perfect family, you just do not know them well enough.” Robert D. Hales

It’s a heartbreaking reality that not all family situations are loving and safe. We mourn with those who suffer in difficult situations and can offer them a loving embrace within the circle of our love and family. In varying degrees, every child has been wounded by the human weakness of parents and family members. It’s one way we learn. Still, we strive for the ideal, knowing progress is what matters.

 “…The reality is that a majority of Church members do not live in perfect family situations. I’m not sure anyone lives in that perfect, ideal family. So why keep the emphasis? Because family is our destiny, and we are on this earth to learn the skills of strong family relationships, no matter what our own situation is.” Sharon Eubank, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency

There’s a touching commercial out this season, which shows different families enjoying sweet holiday times together, including families you choose (contradicting Jerry, in While you Were Sleeping, who says, “Lucy, you are born into a family. You do not join them like you do the marines!”). The ad also tenderly mentions we might have one less family member this year, or one more.  It poignantly captures the need within each of us to belong, to have people around us, who love us, to share special moments that make life joyful.

Family is the sweetest gift from a loving Father. Family is people who can lift and support us. It is those we cling to for comfort when our hearts get broken and the world feels too harsh.  Of course, because we are so intimately connected in a family, it can also be the greatest source of hurt.  That’s the challenge; that’s the opportunity to learn and grow.  Despite the hurt and betrayal we may feel, we can follow the Savior’s example of meekness by extending mercy and forgiveness.  We can remember the thousands of good times, kind words, offers of help, and moments of laughter and love, while rising above the inevitable differences, disappointments, and disagreements—even serious ones.

Our prophet, Russell M. Nelson, taught, “In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter.” Satan understands this and is working ceaselessly to tear our families from us, leaving us feeling isolated, despairing, and hopeless. These intensely difficult latter-days are not the time to let go of those God sent to walk with us in this life—to be our special friends.

Many years ago, my sister had surgery to remove cancer, and I went to be with her for that scary time.  I wanted to support her, even though I had let some hurt build a wall around my heart and was holding myself back a little in our relationship. When I went in the room, just before they took her in for surgery, and leaned down to hold my dear sister, my heart flooded with tenderness and a love so profound, I was holding back sobs. God taught me, in that moment, the love of family is a precious and priceless bond, a gift which should be nurtured—never suppressed—no matter what!

 “…True religion is not looking primarily for weaknesses, faults, and errors. It is the spirit of strengthening and overlooking faults even as we would wish our own faults to be overlooked. When we focus our entire attention on what may be wrong rather than what is right, we miss the sublime beauty and essence of the sweet gospel of the Master.

“…Those who extend judgment, mercy, faith, and forgiveness exhibit a greatness of soul and mind consistent with the spirit of the Lord’s teachings and example.” James E. Faust

Within our families, each individual is beautifully unique, and we will, therefore, have differences. Frequently. All around us are heated debates about politics, sexual orientation, religion, marriage and divorce, and an endless list of other topics. People have intense feelings and beliefs, and our differences can lead to turmoil, contention, exhaustion, and despair if we don’t firmly commit to loving behaviors and interactions. Through navigating these differences in my own family, I’ve come to see things much differently than I did when I was younger. We have the opportunity to learn, grow, and stretch, nearly to breaking point sometimes, when it’s someone we dearly love who differs from us in these important matters.  I always want my family to know, I still love them with all my heart, even when we disagree.  Nothing could ever change that.  

“In family discussions, differences should not be ignored, but should be weighed and evaluated calmly. One’s point or opinion usually is not as important as a healthy, continuing relationship…How important it is to know how to disagree with another’s point of view without being disagreeable.

“…Avoid imposing your values on others. When we can learn to deal with issues without involving personalities and at the same time avoid bias and emotions, we are on our way to effective family communications. When a family member makes a decision which may be inadequate or improper, do we have the ability and patience to convey the attitude that we don’t agree with his decision but he has the right of choice and is still a loved member of the family?” Marvin J. Ashton

A family is a microcosm of the world, full of our brothers and sisters. We learn in the small, safe, practice ground of our homes, with people who love us, how to interact in a healthy and loving way with the rest of our brothers and sisters in the world. I’ve learned that we experience more connection and joy as we follow the Savior’s perfect example of love, kindness, forgiveness, and mercy.

“When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind.” Joseph Smith