“Though our trials are diverse, there is one thing the Lord expects of us no matter our difficulties and sorrows: He expects us to press on.” Joseph B. Wirthlin

One of my favorite hymns is “Onward Christian Soldiers.” On my good days, it’s incredibly motivating and inspirational to me—I’m in there fighting the good fight with my fellow saints.  Some days, however, I just don’t feel up to joining the happy throng, and I have to remind myself what Brigham Young said:

“The men and women, who desire to obtain seats in the celestial kingdom, will find that they must battle every day [for this sacred goal].”

I think we all have mornings we wake up and just don’t want to do the day.  I know I do.  Day after day I try to be a brave soldier, keep going, be a light in the dark world. But some days, my own light feels dim, my burdens heavier than usual, and it feels like more than I can do to be me that day. (Please understand I’m not talking about clinical depression, but a temporary, though not always brief, state of mind.) I’m grateful I can roll out of bed onto my knees and know my Father in Heaven will hear me share these painful feelings.

I’ve learned that some things do not help me when I’m feeling beaten by life.  First, it doesn’t help when people say I should just get over it, especially if I’m the one saying that to myself.  When I’m hurting and hiding, gentle understanding and compassion for those feelings—the grief, the pain—always comfort my heart.  It helps to remind myself that it’s OK to hurt, that there are good reasons why my trials seem too heavy that day. My spirit needs nurturing when I feel like that, however, in the darkness, it’s nearly impossible to think of something that will nurture. I plan ahead. On my phone, I keep a list of “things I love to do”  that might lift my spirits: listening to uplifting music, reading or listening to scriptures or another good book, calling or texting a friend or sister (couldn’t have survived without this one), taking a walk, or simply sitting in the sunshine and being still. Make the list a long one!

Second, it doesn’t help, and often makes it worse, to mindlessly eat or shop or watch TV. Distraction, also known as numbing, may feel better temporarily, but when I’m stuffed, or broke, or the show is over, I’m still stuck, still hurting, still needing light. It does help to allow myself to feel my pain, explore it, and discover what’s causing it. Moving through the pain gives healthy, long-term healing. It’s not easy to learn to sit with our pain. The child in us often believes it’s too much, too hard, that we can’t handle it.  But, as adults, we have access to the resources and people, such as doctors, counselors, books, journaling, physical movements and treatments, that can help us work through traumatic matters of the heart that need to be healed. Sometimes we have to press forward to get through it.

Finally, it doesn’t help to wallow.  Once on a downward spiral, it’s easy to just abandon all positive thoughts and wallow in everything that’s miserable or rotten in my life and even in the world! That is never a good place to go.  It’s a bottomless well that’s dark and difficult to escape. It does help to acknowledge that things aren’t currently the way I’d hoped they would be or would like them to be, and that it hurts.  Then I can focus on some things that are right and as good, or better, than I ever dreamed, like temple sealings and grandbaby hugs.  There is always so much to be thankful for. Again, sometimes during dark moments, it’s hard to think of the beautiful things in our lives, so writing them down when we’re feeling especially blessed, and keeping them nearby, is great. 

Over 50 years of life, with many ups and downs, I’ve found that no matter how dark things look at times, the light always returns eventually. As Winston Churchill said during World War II, “Never, never, never give up!” Sometimes when storm clouds linger, far longer than we had hoped, we can do as Hilary Weeks suggests and take a moment to “dance in the rain and let our dreams know we haven’t forgotten them.”  

 I tend to be more like Eeyore than Winnie-the-Pooh, a lot more like Marlin than Dory. I wish I could be more like Dory who, despite her challenges, cheerfully advises, “When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming!”

The Lord knows how we feel and what we need. If we ask Him, He will help us know, each time we’re faced with darkness or pain, whether to “press forward” with steadfastness or “stand still” and know that He is God. He won’t leave us comfortless or powerless.

 “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” D&C 84:88

“I testify that the Lord has a plan for each of our lives. Nothing that happens is a shock or a surprise to Him. He is all-knowing and all-loving. He is eager to help us, to comfort us, and to ease our pain as we rely on the power of the Atonement and honor our covenants. The trials and tribulation that we experience may be the very things that guide us to come unto Him and cling to our covenants so that we might return to His presence and receive all that the Father hath.” Linda S. Reeves

I add my testimony to hers. The hardest experiences in my life have strengthened my testimony the most and assured me that I am never alone and will have help through whatever comes my way. I will press on, with trust and hope in my Savior, remembering that I’m only here a little while.  I can do this.

I Will

Will I still be strong when my dreams have died

Though I chose the right, and honestly tried?

When life doesn’t look like I thought it would,

Will I trust God to take it and make it good?

Will I still believe when my life falls apart

Or throw it all out with my broken heart?

Will I remember He’s there and reach for the light,

And trust Him to heal me and make things right?

I’ll cling to my covenants when I can’t see the way.

I’ll hang on to my hope for another day.

I’ll trust in my Savior, when I don’t know;

For if I left Him, to whom would I go?“

“I testify that in the eternities, as we look back upon our little span of existence here on this earth, we will lift our voices and rejoice that, in spite of the difficulties we encountered, we had the wisdom, the faith, and the courage to endure and press on.” Joseph B. Wirthlin