“God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.” Dale G. Renlund

I’m thankful for changing seasons:

• New, hopeful spring, with fragile life emerging everywhere we look, reminding us of the Lord’s resurrection and atonement
• Free, sunshine-filled, summer days, visiting and enjoying a more relaxed schedule along with the beauties of God’s creations
• Cool, autumn days, laced with family gatherings to celebrate gratitude and remembrance of the Savior’s birth
• Even cold, dark, winter days, cozy in a warm home, knowing that darker times are always followed by hopeful spring

This music video, Every Season by Kenneth Cope, expresses my feelings beautifully.

For me, each season is just long enough to bring a longing for what’s next.  At the outset, I’m excited for the change, for the new purpose, the feeling of having a clean slate, motivation to make changes in myself, course correct, get back on track. My goals always include healthier living and spiritual strengthening. The start of a new year is traditionally a time to look back on the previous year and set goals to improve, but I’m always totally drained from holidays, and a year is forever!  I’m thankful for the shorter, more manageable, intervals of time between seasons.

“I’m no saint—that is, unless you think a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.” Nelson Mandela

I optimistically approach summer thinking all those seasonal fruits and fresh salads will be my mainstay.  I forget the summer trips where it’s hard to stick to healthy stuff, especially when my psyche says, it’s vacation-live it up.  (Do you know how many Weight Watchers points there are in a “healthy” Tropical Smoothie? Some are nearly the same number of points as a piece of tuxedo cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory. Yikes!) At home, at dinner time, it’s 137 degrees in my Las Vegas kitchen and all I want to do is grab the ice cream and sit under the fan. Family members rise at different times and go with friends all hours of the day, making mealtime, and family scripture and prayer time, more challenging. However, summer does provide more time for the temple and personal study. This year I’m grateful for a summer full of love as I had the precious opportunity to visit all my children and grandchildren and spend time with cherished friends, as well.

We’ve just started back to school, after summer break. Now I’m thoroughly ready for a more regular routine.  I’m the kind of mom who likes schedules and routines. I’m also a morning person-an early morning person. If I don’t work out in the morning, forget it.  I simply can’t any other time of day. This is true for nearly everything. I burn out quickly as the emotional demands of life build throughout the day. It’s a herculean effort to make dinner, which is why we’ve always eaten around 5:30 pm. It’s also helpful for me to have dinner planned ahead for the week, because trying to think of what to fix at 4 pm leads to many reruns of tostadas, which is fine with me, but not always everyone else. When the kids were younger, we ate breakfast together, except for kids going to seminary, and did school in the morning. Little kids went to bed early and big kids had a curfew, which they hated, but it afforded me a measure of sanity and them some rest. Family scripture reading and prayer are much easier as part of the routine.

I’m already anticipating autumn, especially cooler weather after a Vegas summer. In a more obsessive/compulsive way, I’m also anxiously contemplating the holidays. The constant parade of delicious and indulgent, unhealthy foods, between Halloween and New Year, annihilates willpower and good intentions.  I have risen above it occasionally, but nobody likes you when you do. “What do you mean no fudge this year?” “It’s a holiday, you’re supposed to eat badly.” Guilt loves company, and people prefer you join them in the gorging instead of taking a loftier stance. Plus, it’s grueling—being on guard against the temptations lurking around every corner. Every year I set out with plans for self-care, moderation, and lower expectations; every year (so far) I fail. Exhaustion, from attempting to make happy holidays for loved ones, along with keeping the spirit and meaning of the holidays in the forefront, leaves little room for physical, mental, or spiritual exertion.

“Repentance is God’s ever-accessible gift that allows and enables us to go from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm. Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will.” Lynn G. Robbins

After the Fall Holidays, I’m yearning for more normal schedules and meal plans. There’s a quiet settling in for colder weather and shorter days. It seems a bit easier to eat hot, healthy soups and warm up my perpetually freezing body with exercise. Eventually Spring approaches, after a long stretch of cold weather and school without much break, and we are, along with most other moms and kids I know, ready for summer break.  No early morning seminary! No whining about homework. However, it’s not long before we have the opposite—sleeping too late and whining about nothing to do.  Humans are hard to please.

I’m often frustrated that I’m not able to keep up my momentum and fall short of my lofty goals.  I especially hate when I’m doing great on something, and it makes life so much better, and then I fall off the wagon, so to speak.  Eating well and exercising fall into this category.  I’m constantly confused and chagrined when I choose to eat badly, and therefore feel lousy, even after months of seeing the positive results of eating healthy.  I ask myself, why do I choose to feel drained and sick instead of energetic and well? It’s hard not to get down on myself when I make the same poor choices over and over, when I know better. But I keep trying. I’m thankful for the renewal of season’s change, and the chance to get back on track as many times as it takes.  Knowing my Savior will help me and never give up on me keeps me going. I don’t want to let Him down.  

“President Thomas S. Monson has taught, ‘One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final.’ Even if we’ve been a conscious, deliberate sinner or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again, the Atonement of Christ can help us. And we need to remember that it is not the Holy Ghost that tells us we’re so far gone that we might as well give up.” Dale G. Renlund