Jesus Christ is the light, the life, and the hope of the world.

“Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.” Ether 12:4

Everyone knows that no matter how warm and fuzzy thoughts of the holidays may be, they are also commonly a source of intense stress and grief for many. After the loss of a loved one, or family or health situation, holidays may appear like a mountain too high to climb. Broken hearts might find comfort in sharing the special moments, or they might feel their pain magnified by what’s missing. Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings might be fun and loving, bringing joy and comfort, or they could be discordant and unpleasant.  When grown children get together, they sometimes forget they’re grown.  Their independent, mature, charming, polite public demeaner fades into reflexive reactions to family members with whom they’ve grown up, and old triggers, and immature feelings and actions, surprise even themselves. Dads are often stressed by the financial and emotional burdens of gatherings and gifts or hiding from the crazy woman who took over his wife’s body. Then there’s Mom…we all know what happens to poor Mom. Trying to be the perfect peacemaker, charitable giver, teacher of gratitude and the true meaning of Christmas, caterer, cleaning crew, bargain hunter and shopping expert, elf, and Santa himself, Mom completely forgets to take care of herself and ends up physically and emotionally decimated. Every year I tried to avoid being that mother, and every year I failed. I don’t think I ever learned the secret to turning off the voices in my head that chanted, make everyone happy, make it spiritual and fun, make it perfect.

“If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

“Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

At Christmastime, as I earnestly tried to make learning about Jesus, and serving others, our main focus, we’ve enjoyed some special moments as a family. One year, on Christmas morning we took our big family to a care center and had the sweet experience of passing out gifts to the delighted residents. We’ve purchased baby items and sewn receiving blankets (each child sewed his own), to make dozens of newborn gift bags to donate to the children’s hospital. We’ve made “hobo bags” (as my children called them) and kept them in the car to hand out to homeless people as we drove around town. We’ve performed music for neighbors in our home or for the homebound, participated in “secret pixies” with ward members, and invited neighbors to church to hear the Christmas program. One year we even moved the gift-giving part of Christmas to August and had a big summer bash. It was a wonderful event, with sand-bucket stockings, a BBQ swim party, and a trip to the beach, but the kids felt something was missing when Christmas came around without the gift-giving. Last year, with my youngest daughter, I gave a little Christmas advent gift each day with a service challenge attached.

“And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26

As I’ve grown older, my children have grown up, and I’ve suffered loss as my family situation has changed dramatically several times, I’ve struggled to find the sweetness and joy which can be found in holidays. I often feel unequal to the emotional and physical demands of creating holiday magic for loved ones, especially as a single mom. This has made my heart ache.

“May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.

“…God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Acknowledging and accepting my limitations is an ongoing, usually painful, learning process for me. This year, for the first time, I told my family that although I would be having Christmas Eve dinner here, I wasn’t hosting the Thanksgiving gathering. As I battled with myself over this for many months, I have been, alternately, both anguished and relieved. Though I occasionally still hear those impossible voices in my head saying, “make everyone happy,” as I talked it out with family and friends, one of them said a phrase that really helped me. She said, “For the time being…you’re not able to do what you’ve been used to.” Those words, “for the time being,” helped me come to terms with the situation right now, realizing that it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s forever.  Circumstances may change. There is always hope, because of the Savior, whose birth we are celebrating on Christmas. For the time being, I can’t do some of the things I wish I could, and I’m still okay and so is my family.  I’m still a loving mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Taking care of myself this way is new and frightening, but it’s also enlightening. I feel more surely that God loves me. I know I matter to Him. I know He wants me to take care of myself, along with those I love, as I strive to be His disciple and focus on what matters most.

“…Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf