There are many things I don’t understand in my perception of what the Lord’s plan is and how it’s all going to come to pass, but the one thing I know for certain is that I am a daughter of Heavenly parents and they know me and love me, as an individual. I have had this testimony strengthened many times as my prayers have been answered and I see the tiny or huge miracles I am so often blessed with. 

Knowing that I am loved perfectly helps me as I learn to love myself.  When a man asked the Lord which of the commandments was the most important, “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

To me, it seems clear that if we want to love others, we must love ourselves.  This may seem obvious or silly, but I don’t think most of us love ourselves very well.  I’m way harsher and more judgmental with myself than with anyone else, and I don’t forgive myself as quickly. I talk to myself in mean, discouraging ways when I don’t always get it “right.” That’s not loving. I know Jesus wouldn’t treat me the way I often treat myself. He is forgiving, encouraging, and kind. Loving others and serving them seems to come easier than loving ourselves.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we often hear that the Savior taught, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” In his October 2009 General Conference talk, President Thomas S. Monson said of this scripture: “I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.”

I’ve read that quote over many times.  I understand it to mean that we are not required to literally serve to death, but we’ll become happier and more like our Savior as we do serve others and not live only for ourselves.  However, I think we sometimes do the opposite; we live only for others and forget to nurture ourselves.

When I was a young wife and harried homeschooling mother, busy in church callings, I was barely able to make it through each day. I didn’t take care of myself.  I didn’t think I had the time and knew I didn’t have the energy. I gave everything away every single day.  Year after year.   I couldn’t understand why I became more and more depressed and anxious.  I felt guilty saying no to more requests and wanted to hide so nobody could ask me.  I felt resentful of all the demands on me, instead of finding joy in serving.  I wondered why “losing myself in service” wasn’t helping me save my life. I was finally forced to take better care of myself, or live unable to function well.  I had to let go of non-essential tasks and check in to see if I was doing things for family members, young and old, that they should be doing for themselves. I had to learn to listen to my heart and my body and say no when I was at my limit. It was difficult. I worried about being selfish.  I struggled with my inability to serve as much as I wanted to or used to. I had to remind myself of ways I was already serving, especially in my own home.

 President James E. Faust said, “Serving others can begin at almost any age. … It need not be on a grand scale, and it is noblest within the family.”

I’m certain God doesn’t want us to work ourselves to death serving our families and others.  He cares about our bodies and our health.  In the scriptures He tells us, “ye are the temple of God, and…the Spirit of God dwelleth in you.” He has blessed us with the Word of Wisdom to teach us what’s best for our bodies, and He instructs us in The Doctrine and Covenants “to retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated.” He’s given us the Sabbath day to rest from our labors and be refreshed.

Another aspect of being healthy concerns our emotional and spiritual well-being. Self-reliance is a significant focus in the church today.  For many years, we have been encouraged to have food and money reserves for emergencies, and current self-reliance instruction includes increasing emotional and spiritual reserves as well. Like the five wise virgins, we need to continually fill our own lamps. Nobody can do that for us.  Then, during times when we’re required to give all we’ve got, we survive those storms without drowning—and needing to be rescued ourselves.  

“And see that all these things are done is wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.  And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.” Mosiah 4:27

It’s our job to discover how to be both healthy and diligent in serving, and it’s our responsibility to ensure our own needs are met. I believe the way to find balance is to ask, to seek, to knock. With the Holy Ghost to direct us, we will find a way to practice self-care while also reaching out to serve and bless those around us. Although we all have many of the same basic needs, we are each unique, with individual desires and time and energy constraints, depending on our current circumstances. I sometimes have a challenge not comparing my capacity to serve with anyone else’s. I keep reminding myself, if I listen to the Spirit, I will stay on track.

My self-care currently looks something like this:

• Spiritual feeding with scriptures, prayer, temple, etc.
• Healthy eating, exercise, water
• Quiet time, mediation and breathing exercises, sunshine
• Study and work on emotional health (i.e. counseling, journaling)
• Time developing/using talents

I feel God is pleased with me when I take care of myself.  I feel His love and that I am important to Him. I feel the Spirit more in my daily activities.  I’m discovering that it’s more loving to my family and others to take responsibility for meeting my own needs and having healthy boundaries, than to expect them to fulfill my needs and being resentful when that inevitably doesn’t happen.  I’m also finding that the healthier I become through self-care, the more open-hearted I am to those around me, and better able to diligently, joyfully serve them.