“Brothers and sisters, all the Lord expects of us is to try, but you have to really try!” Gordon B. Hinckley

So many things have changed and are changing in my life.  The last five years have been brimming over with changes. There have been a lot of goodbyes.  I’ve said goodbye to my sweet father, goodbye to my 30-year marriage, and goodbye to my 40’s. I’ve said more temporary goodbyes to dear friends, children moving away, and grands I wish I could see more often. I’ve had to say goodbye to doing many of the things I did when I was younger and had support in a partnership. I’m learning to live differently, to let some things go.  It’s difficult not to feel “less than” when I’m not able to do things the way I used to, or the way I feel is the “right” way.  Learning to acknowledge my limitations without judgement and regret is an ongoing process.  I’m trying to say goodbye to unrealistic expectations and perfectionism, while still striving to be all the Lord expects of me.

“Some of you may say, ‘I’m just average. There’s nothing special about me or my life.’ And yet what is manifested plainly to me is that you are extraordinary, you whose average day is lived in accordance with our Heavenly Father’s laws. 

“No greater heroine lives in today’s world than the woman who is quietly doing her part.” Elaine Jack

A couple of weeks ago I got a homework assignment, from my therapist, to write a job description of motherhood.  More specifically, a list of my requirements and expectations of myself for being a “good” mom.  This was hard, mostly because like everything, I wanted my list to be perfect.  I listed items that I believe are required of me by God, like teaching my children about their Savior, Jesus Christ, and other items that are more my own desires, such as making special days, like holidays and birthdays, happy ones for my children.  I divided my list into three sections: small children, tweens/teens, and adult children.  It was a long, challenging list. 

We have these unwritten lists for many of our job descriptions. The longest one of all seems to be in the description of the perfect disciple of Christ. In fact, all our other lists are included in this one. In the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Lord gives us His ideal—to become perfect, even as He is. He doesn’t have a checklist—He lived the perfect life to show us the way. The problem arises when we expect to do it right now.  It’s not possible.  We won’t be perfect, or complete, in this life, and we aren’t expected to make ourselves perfect; that gift is bestowed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. When we’ve done our best, and still feel inadequate, we can ask the Lord if it’s enough. He will lovingly let us know that He accepts our honest efforts and loves us right where we are.

Can we believe it’s possible to be good enough right now? Will we believe if we give our whole hearts, despite our imperfections, one day we’ll hear the words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant?”

“Let me be direct and clear. The answers to the questions ‘Am I good enough?’ and ‘Will I make it?’ are ‘Yes! You are going to be good enough’ and ‘Yes, you are going to make it as long as you keep repenting and do not rationalize or rebel.’ The God of heaven is not a heartless referee looking for any excuse to throw us out of the game. He is our perfectly loving Father, who yearns more than anything else to have all of His children come back home and live with Him as families forever. He truly gave His Only Begotten Son that we might not perish but have everlasting life! Please believe, and please take hope and comfort from, this eternal truth. Our Heavenly Father intends for us to make it! That is His work and His glory.” J. Devn Cornish

The one thing I know for certain is that my Heavenly Father loves me. He loves me even when I feel unworthy of love. He’s encouraging when I become discouraged trying to be good enough to save myself. He’s patient with me when I make the same mistakes over and over. He doesn’t give up on me when I feel I’m a lost cause. Always He’s there, sending me reminders that I’m not alone, I’m still okay, things will get better, and He knows, and will provide, everything I need. He sent His Son, His unblemished Son, to walk with me in perfect empathy, and gave me the Gift of the Holy Ghost, to comfort and protect me. They all love me and help me get through the tough times. That’s more than enough.

P.S. Sometimes it’s hard to see the “good” in goodbyes, because they are often sad.  Interestingly, the origin of the word “goodbye” comes from the expression “God be with ye.” It was shortened to “Godbwye,” then eventually morphed into “goodbye.” I loved discovering this.  So often things that seem negative are blessings in disguise. God is with us, and uses everything, even sad partings, for our good.